Recently, yours truly have been shaken out of the little bubble which she made for herself. It was as eye-opening as the surety of the sun rising from the East. It is one thing to be aware of the facts of life. It is another matter to come face-to-face with reality, making your decision and praying it is the right thing to do; then, going on to living life to the best of your abilities.
Well, nobody said we were all Benjamin Button. We grow older and wiser (although some people are perpetually stuck in a period of their life). We make mistakes and hope that the best is yet to come.
In my mind, all I see is life with a really huge grin on its face, inching closer to my bubble with a sharp needle in hand to burst it. Oh, hurray.
Monday, 24 June 2013
Monday, 8 April 2013
It's Coming to an End.
3 years, just like that, have gone past.
In 2011, yours truly was an excited bundle of nerves. It was a new place and the excitement of an individual exploration was enough to die for. New people, new faces and new dreams were an addiction that thrived on the unknown and the possible.
In 2012, there was no end in sight. The lights, sounds and movements were one grey haze. Yours truly wondered if a year could ever pass by so long, would it be this? Learning was hard but it was necessary. Yours truly learnt that there was never an ending to learning. Even in the unknown and darkest moments, there was a lesson to be learnt.
Yet, now come 2013 and the world survived an assumed end of the world. It feels like a blink that after these 16 years as a student, it is coming to an end. The experience, while it lasted, was a taste you could only savour then and remember after. The people and places have become part of you no matter how much you deny and try to push them out. Time will tell for sure if one is now jaded.
In fact, someone unexpected shared a very beautiful story that just made that romantic in yours truly chuckle in the corner. Having parted with her first love for 24 years due to his family obligations, this strong lady never looked back and moved on with her life, searching for that which would make her stronger, better and happier. How would she have ever known that she would meet her first love again after becoming a happy woman? How could she have ever known that she could be happier? How could she expect that her first love waited for her, possibly believing in that love that they share? It is not to say that they have not loved and lost in that parting of 24 years, in fact, after 24 years, they understood love and lost. They saw what the world could offer and they never back down or compromise to what they wanted. To this wonderful lady, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! You will never know how much you have given to yours truly and thank you does not even begin to express this gift.
Looking back to that one night of shared stories, it has been a journey that feels very long but really short. Much has come and gone. More is to come and will pass too. 2013 feels like the end of a line, moving towards the starting dot to create a circle. When that circle is complete, another dot starts out in that white sheet of paper, encompassing this little circle of 16 years.
Responsibilities and untold possibilities are out there, waiting to be seized, waiting for you to hop into that boat. All yours truly want an answer to is: how have I lived?
One thing for sure, yours truly never wants to look back and hold on to memories and 'what ifs'.
In 2011, yours truly was an excited bundle of nerves. It was a new place and the excitement of an individual exploration was enough to die for. New people, new faces and new dreams were an addiction that thrived on the unknown and the possible.
In 2012, there was no end in sight. The lights, sounds and movements were one grey haze. Yours truly wondered if a year could ever pass by so long, would it be this? Learning was hard but it was necessary. Yours truly learnt that there was never an ending to learning. Even in the unknown and darkest moments, there was a lesson to be learnt.
Yet, now come 2013 and the world survived an assumed end of the world. It feels like a blink that after these 16 years as a student, it is coming to an end. The experience, while it lasted, was a taste you could only savour then and remember after. The people and places have become part of you no matter how much you deny and try to push them out. Time will tell for sure if one is now jaded.
In fact, someone unexpected shared a very beautiful story that just made that romantic in yours truly chuckle in the corner. Having parted with her first love for 24 years due to his family obligations, this strong lady never looked back and moved on with her life, searching for that which would make her stronger, better and happier. How would she have ever known that she would meet her first love again after becoming a happy woman? How could she have ever known that she could be happier? How could she expect that her first love waited for her, possibly believing in that love that they share? It is not to say that they have not loved and lost in that parting of 24 years, in fact, after 24 years, they understood love and lost. They saw what the world could offer and they never back down or compromise to what they wanted. To this wonderful lady, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! You will never know how much you have given to yours truly and thank you does not even begin to express this gift.
Looking back to that one night of shared stories, it has been a journey that feels very long but really short. Much has come and gone. More is to come and will pass too. 2013 feels like the end of a line, moving towards the starting dot to create a circle. When that circle is complete, another dot starts out in that white sheet of paper, encompassing this little circle of 16 years.
Responsibilities and untold possibilities are out there, waiting to be seized, waiting for you to hop into that boat. All yours truly want an answer to is: how have I lived?
One thing for sure, yours truly never wants to look back and hold on to memories and 'what ifs'.
Saturday, 16 February 2013
Superficiality.
Artificial adoration would be the common theme that rings true. How would you expect anyone (especially girls) to settle for praises that only stem from when they are dolled up and temporarily attractive? This may not apply to all since there are a group of individuals who regard makeup an art form, to which they are an exception and not included in this reference.
That attraction you feel would evaporate when the masks come off and the natural (or ugly as some would say) is brought to light. Yes, some individuals are aesthetically blessed and have beautiful personalities. Yet, do you really know their stories and struggles? Do you think a pretty face is all a person has?
Time and time again I am repulsed (yes, REPULSED) by individuals who callously remark on the unappealing physical appearance of others. These shallow remarks are thoughtless and uncalled for. Wouldn't you like to be on the receiving end of these remarks? How would you feel then?
Don't assume that silence equate to assent. Perhaps society has become too uncaring to allow a humiliating remark to go unchecked. Yet, when news of such incidents appear on the web, netizens are quick to make the first morally correct statements. Your words should be as big as your actions; don't hasten to judge others if you would join the silent crowd.
Graciously accepting compliments is the polite thing to do. Don't presume that the receiver would reciprocate the gesture. Some people are honest and thoughtful enough to not lie to your face just to 'return the favour'.
Only when you have seen someone at their worst and best yet still think that they are one of the most attractive individuals you know inside and outside, will they accept your opinion and thank you honestly for it. Until then, keep or share your judgements with your frivolous posse; your opinions are worth squat.
That attraction you feel would evaporate when the masks come off and the natural (or ugly as some would say) is brought to light. Yes, some individuals are aesthetically blessed and have beautiful personalities. Yet, do you really know their stories and struggles? Do you think a pretty face is all a person has?
Time and time again I am repulsed (yes, REPULSED) by individuals who callously remark on the unappealing physical appearance of others. These shallow remarks are thoughtless and uncalled for. Wouldn't you like to be on the receiving end of these remarks? How would you feel then?
Don't assume that silence equate to assent. Perhaps society has become too uncaring to allow a humiliating remark to go unchecked. Yet, when news of such incidents appear on the web, netizens are quick to make the first morally correct statements. Your words should be as big as your actions; don't hasten to judge others if you would join the silent crowd.
Graciously accepting compliments is the polite thing to do. Don't presume that the receiver would reciprocate the gesture. Some people are honest and thoughtful enough to not lie to your face just to 'return the favour'.
Only when you have seen someone at their worst and best yet still think that they are one of the most attractive individuals you know inside and outside, will they accept your opinion and thank you honestly for it. Until then, keep or share your judgements with your frivolous posse; your opinions are worth squat.
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Another Year.
End of the world?
Didn't happen.
Can't say I wasn't a bit disappointed. Was expecting some fireworks in the sky but a flood 3 days later was pretty funny. "Here. Here's some fun for you!"
Best wishes for the year ahead all ye who survived 21.12.2012. It's time to watch 2012 and say you survived all that crap. *tips hat in your direction*
Didn't happen.
Can't say I wasn't a bit disappointed. Was expecting some fireworks in the sky but a flood 3 days later was pretty funny. "Here. Here's some fun for you!"
Best wishes for the year ahead all ye who survived 21.12.2012. It's time to watch 2012 and say you survived all that crap. *tips hat in your direction*
Friday, 19 October 2012
Post-Rant.
There comes a point in everyone's lives where there is no turning back. You know the next step you take will change everything for you. No, I am not talking slap-in-the-face-world-fall-of-its-axis shock. It is the subtle changes that will grow even more with every passing day. It is in the smallest gestures that others consciously perform around you. It is the subconscious impact that you have left when you pass that point of no return (as how Christine and Raoul sings it in The Phantom of the Opera).
You start wondering if it was the best move. You wonder if you might have cause more hurt than help. You wonder if others will judge you and treat you differently. Nonetheless, any point of no return will result in a change in attitude, behaviour, thoughts, and words. Again, it may not be sudden yet, the culmination of this can and will be seen in the future (or perhaps one is thinking too far ahead.. Again).
My leap of faith was sharing those dark moments in hopes that you see some light. It is a sinner, who has fallen from grace and was shown the way back to the light, that wants you to see that it is attainable to all who seek it. Maybe the message wasn't carried across coherently. Maybe the points you wanted to share were not connected to the questions.
What's done is in the past; don't cry over spilt milk unless you don't mind lapping it off the floor/table. Nobody wants to know that they were the cause of another's hurt, unless you're a sadist and that's your mojo. Jokes aside, you share what you hope can be a small beam of light or pillar of strength for another that you care for. I am not referring to affection for another individual who is emotionally connected to you; I am referring to affection you should have for all beings in this earth.
No one is above the beggar on the streets. No one is less innocent than a child. We all carry vices and wrongs that you can never fix no matter how you wistfully wish for it. Face it and deal with it.
At the end of the day, you are your strongest supporter, advocator, and confidante.
You start wondering if it was the best move. You wonder if you might have cause more hurt than help. You wonder if others will judge you and treat you differently. Nonetheless, any point of no return will result in a change in attitude, behaviour, thoughts, and words. Again, it may not be sudden yet, the culmination of this can and will be seen in the future (or perhaps one is thinking too far ahead.. Again).
My leap of faith was sharing those dark moments in hopes that you see some light. It is a sinner, who has fallen from grace and was shown the way back to the light, that wants you to see that it is attainable to all who seek it. Maybe the message wasn't carried across coherently. Maybe the points you wanted to share were not connected to the questions.
What's done is in the past; don't cry over spilt milk unless you don't mind lapping it off the floor/table. Nobody wants to know that they were the cause of another's hurt, unless you're a sadist and that's your mojo. Jokes aside, you share what you hope can be a small beam of light or pillar of strength for another that you care for. I am not referring to affection for another individual who is emotionally connected to you; I am referring to affection you should have for all beings in this earth.
No one is above the beggar on the streets. No one is less innocent than a child. We all carry vices and wrongs that you can never fix no matter how you wistfully wish for it. Face it and deal with it.
At the end of the day, you are your strongest supporter, advocator, and confidante.
Thursday, 2 August 2012
Senescence.
You stop being young, fun, hip, cool, fantastic, etc. Your body starts betraying you. Younger individuals start grouping you with adults "who just don't understand". You have to be responsible for your actions, your finances, your health and all the complications that comes with being older.
On the other hand, you forget the one thing you craved when you were younger that you obtain as you age; freedom. Remember those moments and conversations you had of being your own master; of answering only to yourself and doing whatever you wanted? There is no complete freedom but you can finally make your own decisions and carry out plans that you have drawn out.
Maturity is not reflected in one's age. You are made aware of countless aspects of life that you have never known. Expecting to transit through life on an easy ride is not entirely possible. It does happen but what are the odds it can happen to you? As always, hope for the best and expect the worst; you can do no wrong there.
Travelling in the past 2 months have taught yours truly much. Who said vacations are just periods of relaxing and refreshing the body? Learning is a life-long process that occurs with every breath you take. From Bangkok to Bali, Los Angeles, Houston, Washington D.C., Chambersburg, Chicago and Tokyo; each stop was as memorable in its own right.
What next? Yours truly has arrived at the final year of university studies. The past 2 years truly flew although yours truly would have begged to differ while in the midst of it. The future does not seem scary but looking back, who would believe that the years have passed by so quickly?
New hopes, new dreams, new priorities, new friends, new families, new loves, new discoveries, new circumstances, new disappointments, new sacrifices, and new lessons are going to be constant. Smile and enjoy the ride as life's roller coaster approaches a new section of its tracks.
On the other hand, you forget the one thing you craved when you were younger that you obtain as you age; freedom. Remember those moments and conversations you had of being your own master; of answering only to yourself and doing whatever you wanted? There is no complete freedom but you can finally make your own decisions and carry out plans that you have drawn out.
Maturity is not reflected in one's age. You are made aware of countless aspects of life that you have never known. Expecting to transit through life on an easy ride is not entirely possible. It does happen but what are the odds it can happen to you? As always, hope for the best and expect the worst; you can do no wrong there.
Travelling in the past 2 months have taught yours truly much. Who said vacations are just periods of relaxing and refreshing the body? Learning is a life-long process that occurs with every breath you take. From Bangkok to Bali, Los Angeles, Houston, Washington D.C., Chambersburg, Chicago and Tokyo; each stop was as memorable in its own right.
What next? Yours truly has arrived at the final year of university studies. The past 2 years truly flew although yours truly would have begged to differ while in the midst of it. The future does not seem scary but looking back, who would believe that the years have passed by so quickly?
New hopes, new dreams, new priorities, new friends, new families, new loves, new discoveries, new circumstances, new disappointments, new sacrifices, and new lessons are going to be constant. Smile and enjoy the ride as life's roller coaster approaches a new section of its tracks.
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Home.
To think about it, yours truly has home in a few places. The memories of these places are not just happy, it includes the ugly too. Most importantly are the individuals who are visualized with home. Perhaps the physical home is not as important as that home in the heart. However, it does carry significant meanings to some, yours truly included.
Yours truly is really going home. This vacation, it'll be all of it.
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Monday, 23 April 2012
Dream a little dream. Or two.
What happens when your dreams tell you of the things you fear? That little secret that you never wanted to come to terms with. What do you make of a violent dream - one that ends with an assortment of everything that you would like to keep in the closet with the rest of the skeletons?
Waking up uncertain if your cries are audible. Feeling your heart pound and that heart-wrenching pain that follows. Curling into a smaller ball and wishing the bed would swallow you whole.
Then, the bliss that forgetting brings.
Until memory kicks in and you remember the parts that slices through you.
Why would a dream be that vivid? Is it the story of our suppressed emotions? Damn you, Freud. Why couldn't you come out with more substantial theories?
The realization that it is just a dream but unable to change or manipulate your emotions. Is this connected to the dark circles under the eyes? The break out that suspiciously tells of unacknowledged stress? Why, then, do you crave for sleep so much?
Sweet dreams tonight.
Waking up uncertain if your cries are audible. Feeling your heart pound and that heart-wrenching pain that follows. Curling into a smaller ball and wishing the bed would swallow you whole.
Then, the bliss that forgetting brings.
Until memory kicks in and you remember the parts that slices through you.
Why would a dream be that vivid? Is it the story of our suppressed emotions? Damn you, Freud. Why couldn't you come out with more substantial theories?
The realization that it is just a dream but unable to change or manipulate your emotions. Is this connected to the dark circles under the eyes? The break out that suspiciously tells of unacknowledged stress? Why, then, do you crave for sleep so much?
Sweet dreams tonight.
Sunday, 15 April 2012
Neglect 2.0.
I never understood how they felt and why they subjected themselves in vain. However, I understood today. In fact, it has taken me these past 4 months to watch, wait and experience the one thing that I never could fathom. To know history will repeat itself, to be given false hope, to be put down in places you should never be at, to give it a second chance and to know that it goes back, ultimately, to square one again.
This semester of university life has been a bitter-sweet experience both mentally and physically. My only respite comes in the knowledge that I will be able to go away from all these and bring forth that girl who I pushed into a dark closet, shut the door in her face and locked it. She got me through the worst moments in my life and this is how I paid her, in full. However, she would never betray me like the rest and only she exists solidly in my sphere.
The soft sighs goes unnoticed in the wind, similar to every physical action that has transpired. In the end, it doesn't really matter right? Nobody would ever go that extra mile and all you have is hope. Hope makes us human, they say. Well, I am as human as I can possibly get where I hope for the best and expect the worst. That, has gotten me through every breath, every laughter, every tear, every ache and every fall.
Reality doesn't produced sparkling flowers. Reality doesn't supply you with endless cushion. Reality doesn't keep you safe.
Reality makes you stronger. Excuse the cliché; when you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.
When you've been hurt, you learn from the pain and you make damned sure it never occurs again.
This semester of university life has been a bitter-sweet experience both mentally and physically. My only respite comes in the knowledge that I will be able to go away from all these and bring forth that girl who I pushed into a dark closet, shut the door in her face and locked it. She got me through the worst moments in my life and this is how I paid her, in full. However, she would never betray me like the rest and only she exists solidly in my sphere.
The soft sighs goes unnoticed in the wind, similar to every physical action that has transpired. In the end, it doesn't really matter right? Nobody would ever go that extra mile and all you have is hope. Hope makes us human, they say. Well, I am as human as I can possibly get where I hope for the best and expect the worst. That, has gotten me through every breath, every laughter, every tear, every ache and every fall.
Reality doesn't produced sparkling flowers. Reality doesn't supply you with endless cushion. Reality doesn't keep you safe.
Reality makes you stronger. Excuse the cliché; when you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.
When you've been hurt, you learn from the pain and you make damned sure it never occurs again.
Monday, 27 February 2012
Another Year.
2012.
Much has come and gone. More is yet to come and go. Perhaps yours truly isn't even dazed or bothered about it. It sure feels like a monotonous rhythm to an already worn out melody.
Being pessimistic is often easier than being an optimist. Also, keeping one's opinions to one's self is much safer than having it come back to kick you in the nether regions after being misconstrued by shallow individuals when you least expect it. To the individual who feels slighted at these words, your conscious is trying to get a message through; listen to it.
So, have a good 29 February. It's your only chance to enjoy it until it appears again in the next 4 years. It could also be the last 29 February you will see if you believe that the world is ending this year.
Believe in what you will. Best of luck with it.
Much has come and gone. More is yet to come and go. Perhaps yours truly isn't even dazed or bothered about it. It sure feels like a monotonous rhythm to an already worn out melody.
Being pessimistic is often easier than being an optimist. Also, keeping one's opinions to one's self is much safer than having it come back to kick you in the nether regions after being misconstrued by shallow individuals when you least expect it. To the individual who feels slighted at these words, your conscious is trying to get a message through; listen to it.
So, have a good 29 February. It's your only chance to enjoy it until it appears again in the next 4 years. It could also be the last 29 February you will see if you believe that the world is ending this year.
Believe in what you will. Best of luck with it.
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