tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50882015712690583072024-02-03T02:27:48.155+08:00Black, White, Grey?What the heart wants to say but the mouth will never. The discussions end here.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.comBlogger82125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-6830996737069873142018-10-25T01:18:00.001+08:002018-10-25T01:18:28.335+08:00Elephants.There is a little girl who read about the elephants; about their minds, their emotions, and their loyalty. She knew she wanted to speak with an elephant to find out their secrets and how they could endure all they do. She wanted to learn how to be like them - majestic, humble, loving, intelligent, strong, gentle, and certain in everything they do. Even as the years passed without meeting one, she still wanted a conversation with an elephant.<br />
<br />
She couldn't make the years slow down and couldn't remember last conversations. She was overwhelmed with the people who reacted with their palettes of colours and proved that one can never forgive nor forget. It was tiring having to always be strong and when she couldn't do it anymore, she found out how ugliness is an easier option. Lashing out was a reaction she anticipated but hoped it would never triumph. Comfort was a challenge as her heart bled. So she went away alone and the days blurred into months, into years.<br />
<br />
Turn of this year, everything fell into place. Everything that seemed impossible came true. It felt like the wait was over and a gentle hand was aligning all the pieces into place perfectly. Along the way, she met and grew with pawns, knights, queens, and kings who led her to the next chapter. The little girl was exhausted but she kept believing. It is who she is.<br />
<br />
She found many bright stars in the brokenness that she encountered and it came together to bring her light when she fell into a dizzying spiral of artifice. It broke the box that was kept aside, spilling out the broken shards. It was a broken warrior inside a jewelled star that reminded her about the elephants, who gave her hope. She allowed the shards to merge with her shadow and finally found that it kept her safe, it stopped the bleeding.<br />
<br />
One day, the warrior disappeared. She knew when he started to fade but waited to be wrong. The stars waited with her until it was time for the little girl to fill the emptied box with the joy and elephants the warrior brought her. She knew that even the brightest stars would fade one day. No matter how much she loved them, she could only protect them but could not save them.<br />
<br />
So the little girl continued walking as she reached the 28th, knowing that there will be pain around the corner. But she had her stars and the box with her. And there are other stars ahead and maybe, she would meet an elephant.<br />
<br />
Happy birthday, little girl.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-24693559855860012352018-07-23T16:39:00.000+08:002018-07-23T16:39:22.634+08:00Chapter #After a few years of thinking and talking about it, finally moved to the land down under. Getting out was harder than getting in but that's a story for another day.<br />
<br />
Relief? Yes.<br />
Excited? A tad.<br />
Long-term? Maybe not.<br />
<br />
We'll see what happens as the year progresses.<br />
<br />
New faces. New places. New experiences. New priorities.<br />
<br />
Cheer for me, okay? (:heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-19048882681188963202017-04-01T19:43:00.000+08:002017-04-01T19:43:21.824+08:0031 DaysPersonal journey sharing ahead. The number of ‘I’s in this post exceeds those in the years since this blog was started. Please ignore them as I am cringing while typing this, shedding my anonymity for the next 1,000 words.<br />
<br />
I remember posting once about how a second, a minute, or a month feels in different situations. Or did I read about that? It has been exactly a month since I decided to get myself out of a downward spiral that started off innocently enough with the thought, I am enough.<br />
<br />
I am not refuting the truth in that sentence. You should love who you are - physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Love all the dimensions of you.<br />
<br />
No one else will have that scar.<br />
No one else carries the crazy swath of stretch marks on your thighs.<br />
No one else has the streaks of coloured hues in your eyes.<br />
No one else has the freckles on your back.<br />
No one else hears the voice in your head.<br />
No one else feels that crushing hope in your heart.<br />
No one else suffers through the pain that made you stronger.<br />
<br />
What sparked this? Yet another tough lesson I had to learn from life. It was difficult and a challenge to myself to practice what I preached. Boy, was it hard.<br />
<br />
In retrospect, I dismissed my weekly progress as slow and insignificant.<br />
<br />
<i>How is losing 1kg this week even an achievement? *snorts in contempt* Just you wait, it's coming back!</i><br />
<br />
Surprise, surprise. The 1kg didn't return to me or came back up on the scale the next week.<br />
<br />
So brisk walks came into the picture and when I was sure that errant kg was coming back after the first buffet, guilt ate away at me. I took another brisk walk a day before meeting my coach. My heart was pounding when I had to step on the scale for the end of week 2. I refused to look at the statistics until every measurement was taken.<br />
<br />
Another kg was gone.<br />
<br />
Those who know me, know that a month doesn’t pass without me experiencing some sort of injury. An old injury flared which resulted in an MRI appointment and a verdict of a worn down knee cartilage, causing my kneecap and thigh bone to rub against each other obscenely. <i>Did Romeo and Juliet decide to reincarnate in my bones? Bad life choices guys. Really. </i>Recuperation time: 6 weeks to 3 months minimum. Spectacular. Let’s tuck away the brisk walks back in your dreams.<br />
<br />
By week 3, a lunch meet: <i>This is it. The kgs are coming back.</i><br />
<br />
Again, I was mistaken. Right. Move along now. I might as well go on to the next week and whaddya know? Another buffet came right up and made its way down my throat. Guilt came knocking on the door but I ignored it and decided that I had work to do. Subconscious can go play with some brain neurons while I adult.<br />
<br />
Exactly 30 days later, I stepped on the scale and pat myself on the back for surviving this long without starving myself. Comparing Day 1 and Day 31’s statistics:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Weight loss of 5.6kg.</li>
<li>BMI dropped from 32.5 to 30.5.</li>
<li>Waistline decreased by 8cm.</li>
</ul>
<br />
Oh-ho! All that 1s finally added up. Yes, it's anoying to walk now because my work pants keep sliding down in the mornings when I commute to work.<br />
<br />
I wasn't sure how to handle being wrong. How does one bow out graciously? What does one do with that burst of energy that came from your gleefully bouncing mind? Most importantly, what do you say? What do you tell yourself?<br />
<br />
Whenever someone speaks about losing 10-12kg in 3 months or 21kg in 6 months, it seems like a short time. It’s do-able! It’s the determination of champions! Time will fly by so fast! You’re invigorated to try their methods and yes, let’s start tomorrow!<br />
<br />
What your mind skips over is that you have to get through each day. That you have 90 days in 3 months and 24 hours in a day. The numbers doesn’t hit you until you have to get through every 3 hours, trying to keep to a meal plan as well as having to make a decision between heading home to relax on the bed with your phone or going to the gym to perspire and drain the last of your energy before you crawl home in a daze. <i>Whose brilliant idea was this again? Scumbag brain!</i><br />
<br />
When you travel, you will inevitably need help along the way. Life does that to you. Whether you accept that fact with an open mind or a hardened heart, your journey continues but what you reach in the end will differ.<br />
<br />
Choosing to seek help was awkward and difficult at first. It took me a year to muster the courage to face that fact and ask. True enough, ask and you shall receive. Or for some, ask and the universe will answer you.<br />
<br />
My coaches not only helped and encouraged me, they had a whole family/team behind them who did the same. I wasn’t sure at first and it took me a while to open up to a group of strangers on something so personal to me. Those were my baby steps and I learnt valuable lessons along the way; some I will carry with me for life.<br />
<br />
I had a goal for July but plans changed and it seems like the challenge for me is now brought forward to June. That competitive streak in me is raring to go and so, <i><b><u>WHY NOT?</u></b></i><br />
<br />
<br />
p/s: If you're cringing at how cynical I am, don't be. I am grateful for that voice. It has taught me to be kinder and more understanding. It has saved me on countless occasions as well.<br />
<br />
<br />heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-35947836218480842462015-04-24T15:46:00.002+08:002015-04-24T15:46:49.258+08:00March On.Ever wonder why some years seem too long and some are disappointingly short? The answer to that is something everyone has to seek out on their own.<br />
<br />
Sometimes one wishes to be able to clear the muddle that is called 'thoughts' and lay it out line by line in military precision. Sometimes it is possible to do so. Most times, it is a jumble of lines and complications that resembles a ball of tangled yarn of various colours after it has gone through the paws of a playful cat.<br />
<br />
You would think that an eventful life warrants a piece or pieces of writing to remember it. Archiving your life, so to say since your mind would file away these memories and you might not remember or relive them again.<br />
<br />
Not everyone would narrate their lives. Some events are best left forgotten or kept in silence. They aren't necessarily sad, depressive events; they could be the highlights and celebrations of milestones in life. And yet, no record would exist.<br />
<br />
You live, you grow and you leave. It doesn't mean it has been one long dull chapter in your story. Whatever you choose to do with your history and definitely not at the expense of others, do it with pride and do what makes you happy.<br />
<br />
After all, you is who will make you the happiest.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-36587716321558521182014-11-07T16:23:00.000+08:002017-04-03T17:40:24.099+08:00Mood Insanity.It is entirely true when women claim how hormones wreck havoc internally on a monthly basis and it affects all their physical interactions. I counted myself the lucky few who escaped this monthly crazy swings although at the price of something else.<br />
<br />
Recently, I have had a change of mind. Due to changing circumstances, I have been placed on medication that will help regulate my reproductive cycles. If you're cringing at this point of the post or if you're below 18 (which is stated on that welcoming warning page when you clicked to head to this blog), I advice you to please move your mouse to the 'x' at the top of this tab/page and close this window. It will only get more uncomfortable from here on.<br />
<br />
Don't say I didn't give fair warning.<br />
<br />
Last chance now.<br />
<br />
Still here?<br />
<br />
You must be made of sterner stuff. *applauds you*<br />
<br />
So in the course of regulating an originally irregular cycle, medication must be ingested. I'm not saying the natural course is wrong or flawed but there are some things in life you can't anticipate and you just have to make the best of it. Or fix it. Whatever your principles are. I'm doing this at a professional's suggestion and hey, no harm in trying.<br />
<br />
The price of getting this cycle back to a normal regular course is the mood swings.<br />
<br />
MOTHER OF ALL THINGS GOOD IN THIS WORLD.<br />
<br />
SANITY OF NOBEL LAUREATES.<br />
<br />
SEAFOOD OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.<br />
<br />
BLACK BOILS OF THE BUBONIC PLAGUE.<br />
<br />
How some women endure the insane roller coaster of emotions in a day is beyond admirable. You ladies should be awarded a medal of valour or dexterity for functioning utterly well with such poise while all sorts of warfare and conflicts are raging inside your mind. Emotionally spent at the end of the day, I cannot fathom how you are able to be a functional human. And to undergo this every month annually for the rest of your lives from your first menstrual cycle. It would be a believable argument why there are more female figurines/deities worshipped since ancient times.<br />
<br />
Aside, it has been a long week and what way to end it by stumbling across this wonderful picture that gave me a sense of zen. In fact, I haven't been able to stop staring at it for the past 4 hours or so.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhjqLDXcI1Xm9UPK8Rid3sSfsR9VgR_He-gy1APZvwh27BEuQf_A9BENla01SGz4eeDrDodlfkdfAicoZ1ivvhQacVVURPCrslgiYmiGYz34fM3EnNJpyGwQNYGlM6PEkMgDxB3disZ90/s1600/Beautiful-Aurora-Borealis-Wallpaper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhjqLDXcI1Xm9UPK8Rid3sSfsR9VgR_He-gy1APZvwh27BEuQf_A9BENla01SGz4eeDrDodlfkdfAicoZ1ivvhQacVVURPCrslgiYmiGYz34fM3EnNJpyGwQNYGlM6PEkMgDxB3disZ90/s640/Beautiful-Aurora-Borealis-Wallpaper.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-28086547595905433462014-10-20T21:38:00.000+08:002014-10-20T21:38:40.818+08:00Free Books.Technically, the entire website hosts free books until the authors are able to publish them. Wattpad hosts a large group of talented writers who can't devote their full time to writing. Despite that, I can honestly vouch for some really original and fantastic works on the website. One such author, Emma V Leech, writes as LaDameBlanche. Her hottest and longest series - The Dark Prince is an absolute gem. Faeries, fantasy, adventures and captivating storytelling are only a small part of what makes her work completely bewitching. As part of a competition organized by Wattpad, I'm sharing Emma's latest work, The Darkest Night for #Wattys2014, a competition of readers' favourites. Lots of posts and hashtags are involved but I really like the series and I believe many would too. It's completely free and available as a mobile application too. You can even read it offline after a one time addition to your Wattpad library. So give it a go and please spread the word about The Darkest Night with the #Wattys2014 in your posts on your social media platforms every time you share it.<br />
<br />
Here's the link - http://w.tt/SVd8av and enjoy your read!<br />
<br />
p/s: You might want to start from the first book, The Dark Prince and progress to book 4, The Darkest Night. Bound to get you addicted to the fantasy genre again.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-82095307482621153692014-08-02T01:04:00.001+08:002014-08-02T01:04:41.970+08:00Loop.A setting we seem to be falling in love with be it for music, movies, videos, books, our possessions, words or even behaviour.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What's the harm? You repeatedly listen to that song that seem to articulate your words. You replay that scene that seem to tug all the right strings in your heart. You reread the words that give birth to the epics in your mind. You reuse the items of a sentimental value no matter their condition. You repeat the words that portray the inner you. You reach out to shake hands with a stranger, not forgetting to smile every time.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
There is no problem.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's great to have a semblance of order without a doubt. Don't forget that systems were put in place to be built upon and advance mankind. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Be careful. Be wary that you do not settle comfortably into an arranged way of living. When you allow yourself to be lulled into a bubble of perfect planning, you forget that there are things out there you cannot possibly control, ready to pounce in and unbalance your beautiful schedule.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Do not assume that the loop will always exist. Do not assume that the next expected arrangement will slide into place when you miss the previous. Do not take the first mention lightly because you may never get a second chance.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When you take the first sip of wine with a tongue stressed by an array of flavours, that initial taste to savour becomes marred.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Remember how your parents repeat "Do not make me repeat myself"? An irony in itself, it becomes an impression. In fact, your parents are probably uttering it less as the days go by. Being a stubborn and (quite) headstrong child, it was a daily warning that went unheeded. Come the teenage years and emotional maturity, every word, every gesture, every nuance becomes embedded in mind. When hitting the age of adulthood, all those years of home training becomes a source of comfort when having to live independently for the first time. While finding myself, I held on to this believe - do not make others repeat themselves. It meant taking in every first mention, notice, occurrence and behaviour in equal weight as well as its subsequent revisions. First impressions reveal more about a person than one will ever know and your gut is nearly, always right.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We sometimes utter words we do not mean when emotional and what talent yours truly has, is invested in remembering private personal preferences. That was the case when my brain wasn't addled by technology yet and its capacity was possibly more.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now, being so dependent on our little gadgets, I have become reliant on recording every word typed and sent using technology. So I go back to them (see, a loop) to remind myself of what others want, what others prefer and what they would like to be done. If no revisions are stated, it means they have not changed their minds or simply not bothered enough to state their change in stance. And I respect them enough to stand their ground and decide what works best for themselves.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Just know that sometimes people forget because they simply do and sometimes it becomes difficult to remember everyone's preference or if a change was made. I'm guilty of this too and find myself wincing when having to receive instructions or making others repeat themselves twice. So I find myself repeating sentences in a loop until it sticks. Bear in mind, communication is a two-way street; you exhale and inhale to breathe. Speak or forever hold your silence.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Maybe we shouldn't have too many confessions tonight.</div>
heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-79545000322453166042014-05-12T21:05:00.003+08:002014-05-12T21:05:53.279+08:00Quarter of a Century.Another year to the two-five. And still, there is so much to be understood and much more to be seen.<br />
<br />
Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately?<br />
<br />
Have you look into your eyes and spent time in conversation with yourself?<br />
<br />
What a cacophony of voices in the head to be heard over each other. And all you wanted is some quiet.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-67485791803668433722014-01-05T19:00:00.001+08:002014-01-05T19:00:14.069+08:00Etiquette & Expectations.<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
A girl in her 20s is in the prime age range to look for that one person whom she will be spending the rest of her life with and of course, there is no lack of wedding invitations or talk of weddings with friends. So what happens when you're not even looking or close to settling down when the big 30s hit you? Are you a destined spinster for life? Are you the perpetually cool 'Auntie ____'? Or the unfortunate girl that nobody wants and will forever be the one friend you can call up for favours because she has no pressing commitments?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I do have my reasons to omit guys from the previous paragraph because guys get it slightly easier. No, seriously. You don't have your parents breathing down your neck about your age and procreating virility. Your physical body is not under constant and not so covert scrutiny to attract the right partner nor is the prime condition of your womb an issue of grave importance. One mention of how your career is important for you in preparation of your future nuclear family is enough for your parents to beam smiles at you with a pat on your back and you are left alone. In fact, they become your advocates of a wonderful character and focus in life and your future goals. You think girls get off that easy? What can girls do? Smile and nod demurely while murmuring some comforting words to let their parents know that they have thoughts on it and are working towards that haven of life partnership.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Am I glad my parents are not like so! But it doesn't mean that I am unsympathetic of those in such pressured conditions. My paternal grandmother seem to think that my sisters and I are of age to have a boyfriend in our lives. Little does she know that we have many boy friends and the bond of friendship we have are familial or plain acquaintanceship.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Lets go back to wedding invitations. I'm sure many have gotten invites through various online platforms for events or functions. No surprise if you have received at least 1 important invitation via Facebook and it has made you feel excited or puzzled if your RSVP really matters. What if you mentioned that you will be attending but forgot about it because you forgot to check your Facebook account for that reminder? What if you have to cancel later because of unfortunate circumstances? Is it a valid response that holds much weight when you click the 'Join' button?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Example, Mary sends out her wedding invite on Facebook to her 800+ friends from the convenient little 'Invite All Friends' button. Is she seriously inviting friends from social circles she has not met nor spoken to in years? If all 800+ accepts her invitation, does she need to book a bigger hall? Does she track who responds to the event and personally sends them a message to ask for their address to send an invitation in the mail?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Lets be realistic here. I doubt brides who have to prepare for their big day would be free to track down every individual joining her event via Facebook. Unless of course her wedding planner is taking care of that but the list will have to be checked with the bride to avoid unwanted guests. What if the invite was accepted by a person who Mary doesn't want to be at her wedding - a crazy ex, an acquaintance from a social event, etc? The possibility of 'what could go wrong' is endless.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Take a look online and you will find multiple articles or discussion on forums condemning this lazy option of mass invite. Jeanne Hamilton writes quite simply in her website <a href="http://www.etiquettehell.com/?p=957" target="_blank">Etiquette Hell</a> of her thoughts on such practise. Mind you, it only applies to important events - weddings, baby showers, engagement parties, etc. People are known to invite and cancel invitations verbally too; so what makes Facebook any worse? Is this impersonal method really a faux pas?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Perhaps technology ought to be blamed for creating new social mistakes. Where snail mail once was the proper and polite method of inviting guests to events of importance, now many opt to turn to online means. Isn't the wedding invitation card just as valid as the online e-card, especially if your friends happen to live in a different continent? Snail mail do get lost and sometimes, you do interact better over Whatsapp, text messages and email.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
There are different moulds for different situations. What we know of today's social norm is what the larger society has agreed upon. Is the 20<sup>th</sup> Century generation reshaping social etiquettes by incorporating technology into their daily interactions? What if the 40<sup>th</sup> Century comes with the extinction of post offices from the invention of the teleportation device?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
So many possibilities and arguments for this. If you think a digital card means that you're not important enough to be invited to an event, it's your opinion. If you think that it's a technologically savvy move, it's your opinion. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Whatever the methods, just RSVP.</div>
heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-2482257049133970422013-12-16T02:27:00.001+08:002013-12-16T02:27:28.853+08:00Lest We Forget..Christmas is not about the gifts or the decorations.<br />
<br />
Try doing a good deed instead without monetary, physical or any type of returns.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-77801090369976379302013-12-07T02:47:00.000+08:002013-12-07T02:47:14.142+08:00No Closing.With December comes all the pretty photos with hopeful wishes of it being the last month and hopefully the best or the happy ones of Christmas tidings. For yours truly, it is just a month where I realise how long the road in my learning growth still runs.<br />
<br />
I do not regret the opportunities I took nor the experiences I lived and yet, I am still aware that I lack much. Foremost, I wish I had taken learning Chinese seriously when I was younger. Ethnically Chinese with no mixed heritage in the past (five, at least) generations, it boggles people when I say I am Chinese yet can only converse in Cantonese and passable Mandarin and fail utterly at reading or writing anything aside from modern alphabets and Korean alphabets. I believe that I am still capable of learning a new language but it is an endeavour that needs dedication and an honest pursuit to be fruitful; both of which is absent in me.<br />
<br />
Having accomplished a complete certificate with ABRSM for piano, I have barely touched the piano in the last 7 years of my life. I picked up guitar until a back injury kept me out for 2 months and I never returned to continue the lessons. The gu-zheng was a one-year affair before my pursuit of a degree placed a halt to it. And the violin? I have always sighed inwardly whenever I hear or see one because it is an instrument that these stiff fingers can no longer coerce to sing for me. The bass is a new-found interest but accepting how my attention can die within any period of time, I push away whisperings of intent.<br />
<br />
Have my desire to learn more of the unknown wane? Am I a Jack of all trades and master of none? Comparing ones' skills to those around you is to compare players at different level of expertise. There is no level playground as we are not mass-produced objects who have undergone QC before being released into the world. Our connections to society has shaped and created the individuals we have become today. Yet, we are always lusting after what another has and we are bereft of.<br />
<br />
Opening a new chapter in my book is always a wonderful occasion and yet, like this post, I know not where I am heading to and what is my life's worth. Like my mind, it is a night of puzzling thoughts and endless questions with no clear conclusions until sleep robs me from my consciousness.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-54241782689698776712013-11-03T22:58:00.002+08:002013-11-03T22:58:55.030+08:00(Near) Serenity.This trip home sure has mellowed me: I made desserts. Put myself on a healthy diet (yet still gorged on said desserts). Slept at least 12 hours a day. Picked up reading and listening to music again.<br />
<br />
It's a bit of a shock to my system which has been on 'Drive' since 2010. Passing time and days has ceased to mean rushing or running to the next assignment or appointment in my day-to-day schedule. I wonder if journeying through the decades of your life makes you numb to your surroundings that you do not realise the race you have unwittingly joined until you are thrown out of it. After the initial shock (and lots of rough landing; imagine jumping out a moving car, oui?), there comes the numbness and maybe even quakes of terror that your life is going down the drain. Life stops and you feel like you've stepped off a very high cliff.<br />
<br />
Always finding myself in these non-stop movements, I get disconcerted when I come to a halt. It makes me take note of my current predicament and it makes me depressed. Guilty of riding the wave, I become less humane to my surroundings and everything becomes a blur of secular values. Nothing becomes enough and like an addict, I search for the next hit. No, I don't do drugs and will only do so at the threat of physical decapitation or some dear to me will come after me to finish me off and there will be a queue. I'm not sure which thought scares me more..<br />
<br />
So we run to the next plan in our itinerary. We rush to squeeze as much work in a day to be productive. We fill up our daily planners to ensure we maximise our 24 hours. Yet, have we ever stop to think that maybe, a whole day or weekend (I can hear some of you going "<i>God/Heaven forbid! What nonsense??</i>" so calm your tits) without any pre-made plans is what we need? I have heard of some individuals who turn off work so well, that weekends are holidays for their minds, bodies and souls. And you know what? These individuals are happy and successful. They may not make much a month and they may have health problems but they are contented with life without turning to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, clubs, bars, promiscuous sex or a rumbustious social life.<br />
<br />
When have you truly taken time to listen to yourself and ask, what truly makes you happy that even the thought of it puts a smile on your face? I found myself grinning like an idiot during dinner one night when reminiscing about the fun times I had when I was a student. I remembered being utterly excited for a reverse bungee and singing all the way. I remembered leading a group of girls for marching practises. I remembered going for exchange with a bunch of amazing people and how it changed my view of the world. I remembered conversations with kids that made me love the thought of having one of my own. Luckily, my family was otherwise occupied with the food before us, otherwise I would have been at the end of a long questioning.<br />
<br />
You see, the simple things are going to be forgotten one day. Now, I find it hard to recall certain memories even with photographs and conversations with friends and acquaintances. I asked myself, do I really want to forget these little things that made me sincerely happy? Sure, nothing beats walking across the stage to receive my degree from my faculty dean. Nothing beats being tossed into the air for 3 consecutive times by co-workers to celebrate my milestone in life (my knees still turn wobbly when I think about it..). 10 years down the road, will I remember this emotion that sends warmth spreading in my heart? I have found that the pictures taken in these happiest moments in my life was utterly beautiful, not because I have a crooked smile with a gaped hole in my teeth, not because I looked passably photogenic BUT because I could feel the joy emanating from every part of the few captured moments and I could remember the occasion. I do not doubt that there are more moments in life that will add to my collection of happy thoughts but I do not want to make space in my memory for them; I want to catch them all (I've always wanted to use this phrase) and keep them preserved for my own perusal until I reach my expiry date.<br />
<br />
I remember promising myself many years ago, that I would embrace what life threw at me; I would not worry about tomorrow because (at the risk of sounding insanely holy, pious, religious, etc. but whatever dude, I believe in a higher power so deal with it) God has it all planned out. Many (especially Mae) asked me, why am I not worried about things in life? Why aren't I worrying about my plans? My answer: I tried worrying about it. I tried planning it so intricately I even had a 5-year plan once. Then, like always, I sat back and patiently watched and waited for the plans to work out (but most of you have no idea how often I want to give in to my desire to just take one step forward quickly all the time and not stay still).<br />
<br />
You know what strikes me the hardest at the most opportune timings? God (or whomever/whatever you believe in) has a way of showing you that the best things in life comes to those who wait for it. Yes, there is that cliché that sometimes people miss the best things in life because they wait for better things to come. No, it's not those instances that I refer to here. I am referring about the beautiful sunset you saw although you were stuck behind a lorry moving at 40km/h on the road, the people who survived 9/11 because of a small deviation in their daily routine, waiting for the next turn in traffic lights that allowed you to bump into a friend who you have lost touch with, an amazing job offer that comes your way after a bad career track, etc.<br />
<br />
My point of this post: You are responsible for what you feel. If you want to be happy, if you want to be free, if you want to experience that small piece of peace; pursue it, look for it. As <i>Five For Fighting</i> puts in so well in their song <i>The Riddle</i>, "There's a reason for the world; you and I."<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/4BtqElO1OX4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-42955390268078186972013-10-30T05:32:00.001+08:002013-10-30T05:32:42.617+08:00On Vacation Until Further Notice.Yes, I've graduated.<br />
No, I've not been offered a job yet.<br />
Yes, I am looking for a job.<br />
No, I do not know which industry in particular.<br />
<br />
In fact, I'm at home at this very moment, revelling in the fact that in 2 weeks, I am off for a family vacation! I wish I could tell you more but wait for some blog posts okay? I hope to start work in December or January so maybe this blog will be updated at a more acceptable frequency than what it is now.<br />
<br />
I left Maple in Singapore due to the protests from Mae and Yuh Ting. I miss her so bloody much and they had better cuddle her as much as I would.<br />
<br />
That aside, we are looking to adopt a puppy, preferably of the Chow Chow breed. Losing Kaka really left an impact on us all. We headed down to Jalan Templer in PJ last week to see a Chow Chow pup up for adoption. We're not sure if we will be getting her so if any of you know anyone who is putting Chow Chow pups for adoption, please do let me know.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://cdn-www.dailypuppy.com/media/avatars/dog/779_large.jpg?v=1" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn-www.dailypuppy.com/media/avatars/dog/779_large.jpg?v=1" /></a></div>
<br />heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-29798409906251117922013-09-26T03:12:00.000+08:002013-09-26T03:12:06.767+08:00Let Go.2 words easier said than done. When you have to get rid of your demons or the boulders in your life, it becomes a long battle of will to win the war. Like all wars, you will never be the same at the end and yet, you survived, whether you won or lost. They say the road to healing is a long trek that is a journey in itself before you even start to heal. If you had to choose, wouldn't it be easier to choose to heal and move on instead of holding on to grudges that consume you from the inside out? Thank you to those who were there in my time of need.<br />
<br />
Let go and live.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-53375039790369552102013-06-24T02:20:00.003+08:002013-06-24T02:20:42.908+08:00Bubble Pop.Recently, yours truly have been shaken out of the little bubble which she made for herself. It was as eye-opening as the surety of the sun rising from the East. It is one thing to be aware of the facts of life. It is another matter to come face-to-face with reality, making your decision and praying it is the right thing to do; then, going on to living life to the best of your abilities.<br />
<br />
Well, nobody said we were all Benjamin Button. We grow older and wiser (although some people are perpetually stuck in a period of their life). We make mistakes and hope that the best is yet to come.<br />
<br />
In my mind, all I see is life with a really huge grin on its face, inching closer to my bubble with a sharp needle in hand to burst it. Oh, hurray. heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-79318416484919235862013-04-08T00:26:00.000+08:002013-04-08T00:26:23.222+08:00It's Coming to an End.3 years, just like that, have gone past.<br />
<br />
In 2011, yours truly was an excited bundle of nerves. It was a new place and the excitement of an individual exploration was enough to die for. New people, new faces and new dreams were an addiction that thrived on the unknown and the possible.<br />
<br />
In 2012, there was no end in sight. The lights, sounds and movements were one grey haze. Yours truly wondered if a year could ever pass by so long, would it be this? Learning was hard but it was necessary. Yours truly learnt that there was never an ending to learning. Even in the unknown and darkest moments, there was a lesson to be learnt.<br />
<br />
Yet, now come 2013 and the world survived an assumed end of the world. It feels like a blink that after these 16 years as a student, it is coming to an end. The experience, while it lasted, was a taste you could only savour then and remember after. The people and places have become part of you no matter how much you deny and try to push them out. Time will tell for sure if one is now jaded.<br />
<br />
In fact, someone unexpected shared a very beautiful story that just made that romantic in yours truly chuckle in the corner. Having parted with her first love for 24 years due to his family obligations, this strong lady never looked back and moved on with her life, searching for that which would make her stronger, better and happier. How would she have ever known that she would meet her first love again after becoming a happy woman? How could she have ever known that she could be happier? How could she expect that her first love waited for her, possibly believing in that love that they share? It is not to say that they have not loved and lost in that parting of 24 years, in fact, after 24 years, they understood love and lost. They saw what the world could offer and they never back down or compromise to what they wanted. To this wonderful lady, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! You will never know how much you have given to yours truly and thank you does not even begin to express this gift.<br />
<br />
Looking back to that one night of shared stories, it has been a journey that feels very long but really short. Much has come and gone. More is to come and will pass too. 2013 feels like the end of a line, moving towards the starting dot to create a circle. When that circle is complete, another dot starts out in that white sheet of paper, encompassing this little circle of 16 years.<br />
<br />
Responsibilities and untold possibilities are out there, waiting to be seized, waiting for you to hop into that boat. All yours truly want an answer to is: how have I lived?<br />
<br />
One thing for sure, yours truly never wants to look back and hold on to memories and 'what ifs'.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-71554277830745610462013-02-16T00:14:00.001+08:002013-02-16T00:19:59.750+08:00Superficiality.Artificial adoration would be the common theme that rings true. How would you expect anyone (especially girls) to settle for praises that only stem from when they are dolled up and temporarily attractive? This may not apply to all since there are a group of individuals who regard makeup an art form, to which they are an exception and not included in this reference.<br />
<br />
That attraction you feel would evaporate when the masks come off and the natural (or ugly as some would say) is brought to light. Yes, some individuals are aesthetically blessed and have beautiful personalities. Yet, do you really know their stories and struggles? Do you think a pretty face is all a person has?<br />
<br />
Time and time again I am repulsed (yes, REPULSED) by individuals who callously remark on the unappealing physical appearance of others. These shallow remarks are thoughtless and uncalled for. Wouldn't you like to be on the receiving end of these remarks? How would you feel then?<br />
<br />
Don't assume that silence equate to assent. Perhaps society has become too uncaring to allow a humiliating remark to go unchecked. Yet, when news of such incidents appear on the web, netizens are quick to make the first morally correct statements. Your words should be as big as your actions; don't hasten to judge others if you would join the silent crowd.<br />
<br />
Graciously accepting compliments is the polite thing to do. Don't presume that the receiver would reciprocate the gesture. Some people are honest and thoughtful enough to not lie to your face just to 'return the favour'.<br />
<br />
Only when you have seen someone at their worst and best yet still think that they are one of the most attractive individuals you know inside and outside, will they accept your opinion and thank you honestly for it. Until then, keep or share your judgements with your frivolous posse; your opinions are worth squat.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-76765476926771037222013-01-05T02:54:00.001+08:002013-01-05T02:54:09.727+08:00Another Year.End of the world?<br />
Didn't happen.<br />
<br />
Can't say I wasn't a bit disappointed. Was expecting some fireworks in the sky but a flood 3 days later was pretty funny. <i>"Here. Here's some fun for you!"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Best wishes for the year ahead all ye who survived 21.12.2012. It's time to watch <i>2012</i> and say you survived all that crap. *tips hat in your direction*heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-22577137961569428432012-10-19T01:10:00.002+08:002012-10-19T01:10:13.117+08:00Post-Rant.There comes a point in everyone's lives where there is no turning back. You know the next step you take will change everything for you. No, I am not talking slap-in-the-face-world-fall-of-its-axis shock. It is the subtle changes that will grow even more with every passing day. It is in the smallest gestures that others consciously perform around you. It is the subconscious impact that you have left when you pass that point of no return (as how Christine and Raoul sings it in <i>The Phantom of the Opera</i>).<br />
<br />
You start wondering if it was the best move. You wonder if you might have cause more hurt than help. You wonder if others will judge you and treat you differently. Nonetheless, any point of no return will result in a change in attitude, behaviour, thoughts, and words. Again, it may not be sudden yet, the culmination of this can and will be seen in the future (or perhaps one is thinking too far ahead.. Again).<br />
<br />
My leap of faith was sharing those dark moments in hopes that you see some light. It is a sinner, who has fallen from grace and was shown the way back to the light, that wants you to see that it is attainable to all who seek it. Maybe the message wasn't carried across coherently. Maybe the points you wanted to share were not connected to the questions.<br />
<br />
What's done is in the past; don't cry over spilt milk unless you don't mind lapping it off the floor/table. Nobody wants to know that they were the cause of another's hurt, unless you're a sadist and that's your mojo. Jokes aside, you share what you hope can be a small beam of light or pillar of strength for another that you care for. I am not referring to affection for another individual who is emotionally connected to you; I am referring to affection you should have for all beings in this earth.<br />
<br />
No one is above the beggar on the streets. No one is less innocent than a child. We all carry vices and wrongs that you can never fix no matter how you wistfully wish for it. Face it and deal with it.<br />
<br />
At the end of the day, you are your strongest supporter, advocator, and confidante.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-1347726210662010782012-08-02T09:48:00.002+08:002012-08-02T09:48:36.285+08:00Senescence.You stop being young, fun, hip, cool, fantastic, etc. Your body starts betraying you. Younger individuals start grouping you with adults "who just don't understand". You have to be responsible for your actions, your finances, your health and all the complications that comes with being older.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, you forget the one thing you craved when you were younger that you obtain as you age; freedom. Remember those moments and conversations you had of being your own master; of answering only to yourself and doing whatever you wanted? There is no complete freedom but you can finally make your own decisions and carry out plans that you have drawn out.<br />
<br />
Maturity is not reflected in one's age. You are made aware of countless aspects of life that you have never known. Expecting to transit through life on an easy ride is not entirely possible. It does happen but what are the odds it can happen to you? As always, hope for the best and expect the worst; you can do no wrong there.<br />
<br />
Travelling in the past 2 months have taught yours truly much. Who said vacations are just periods of relaxing and refreshing the body? Learning is a life-long process that occurs with every breath you take. From Bangkok to Bali, Los Angeles, Houston, Washington D.C., Chambersburg, Chicago and Tokyo; each stop was as memorable in its own right.<br />
<br />
What next? Yours truly has arrived at the final year of university studies. The past 2 years truly flew although yours truly would have begged to differ while in the midst of it. The future does not seem scary but looking back, who would believe that the years have passed by so quickly?<br />
<br />
New hopes, new dreams, new priorities, new friends, new families, new loves, new discoveries, new circumstances, new disappointments, new sacrifices, and new lessons are going to be constant. Smile and enjoy the ride as life's roller coaster approaches a new section of its tracks.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-69179801304829315312012-05-22T05:52:00.001+08:002012-05-22T05:52:57.469+08:00Home.<p>To think about it, yours truly has home in a few places. The memories of these places are not just happy, it includes the ugly too. Most importantly are the individuals who are visualized with home. Perhaps the physical home is not as important as that home in the heart. However, it does carry significant meanings to some, yours truly included.</p> <br/> <p>Yours truly is really going home. This vacation, it'll be all of it.</p> <br/> <div style='clear: both; text-align: center; font-size: xx-small;'>Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4</div>heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-23243810499280504352012-04-23T20:13:00.000+08:002012-04-23T20:13:04.034+08:00Dream a little dream. Or two.What happens when your dreams tell you of the things you fear? That little secret that you never wanted to come to terms with. What do you make of a violent dream - one that ends with an assortment of everything that you would like to keep in the closet with the rest of the skeletons?<br />
<br />
Waking up uncertain if your cries are audible. Feeling your heart pound and that heart-wrenching pain that follows. Curling into a smaller ball and wishing the bed would swallow you whole.<br />
<br />
Then, the bliss that forgetting brings.<br />
<br />
Until memory kicks in and you remember the parts that slices through you.<br />
<br />
Why would a dream be that vivid? Is it the story of our suppressed emotions? Damn you, Freud. Why couldn't you come out with more substantial theories?<br />
<br />
The realization that it is just a dream but unable to change or manipulate your emotions. Is this connected to the dark circles under the eyes? The break out that suspiciously tells of unacknowledged stress? Why, then, do you crave for sleep so much?<br />
<br />
Sweet dreams tonight.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-69114971199701988932012-04-15T02:25:00.001+08:002012-04-15T02:25:28.811+08:00Neglect 2.0.I never understood how they felt and why they subjected themselves in vain. However, I understood today. In fact, it has taken me these past 4 months to watch, wait and experience the one thing that I never could fathom. To know history will repeat itself, to be given false hope, to be put down in places you should never be at, to give it a second chance and to know that it goes back, ultimately, to square one again.<br />
<br />
This semester of university life has been a bitter-sweet experience both mentally and physically. My only respite comes in the knowledge that I will be able to go away from all these and bring forth that girl who I pushed into a dark closet, shut the door in her face and locked it. She got me through the worst moments in my life and this is how I paid her, in full. However, she would never betray me like the rest and only she exists solidly in my sphere.<br />
<br />
The soft sighs goes unnoticed in the wind, similar to every physical action that has transpired. In the end, it doesn't really matter right? Nobody would ever go that extra mile and all you have is hope. <em>Hope makes us human, </em>they say. Well, I am as human as I can possibly get where I hope for the best and expect the worst. That, has gotten me through every breath, every laughter, every tear, every ache and every fall.<br />
<br />
Reality doesn't produced sparkling flowers. Reality doesn't supply you with endless cushion. Reality doesn't keep you safe. <br />
<br />
Reality makes you stronger. Excuse the cliché; when you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.<br />
<br />
When you've been hurt, you learn from the pain and you make damned sure it never occurs again.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-76219399007334052292012-02-27T20:49:00.000+08:002012-02-27T20:49:00.675+08:00Another Year.2012.<br />
<br />
Much has come and gone. More is yet to come and go. Perhaps yours truly isn't even dazed or bothered about it. It sure feels like a monotonous rhythm to an already worn out melody.<br />
<br />
Being pessimistic is often easier than being an optimist. Also, keeping one's opinions to one's self is much safer than having it come back to kick you in the nether regions after being misconstrued by shallow individuals when you least expect it. To the individual who feels slighted at these words, your conscious is trying to get a message through; listen to it.<br />
<br />
So, have a good 29 February. It's your only chance to enjoy it until it appears again in the next 4 years. It could also be the last 29 February you will see if you believe that the world is ending this year.<br />
<br />
Believe in what you will. Best of luck with it.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5088201571269058307.post-41976948914938251682011-12-29T00:31:00.004+08:002011-12-29T00:31:52.183+08:00Hypocrisy.Need I educate you on the definition of the title?<br />
<br />
I rather not. Not feeling sanctimonious either.<br />
<br />
In fact, yours truly is admitting to being the one of a few things I hate; hypocrite.<br />
<br />
As a matter of fact, yours truly is feeling rather vicious at the moment.<br />
<br />
Hypocrite.<br />
Sinner.<br />
Liar.<br />
Sloth.<br />
Fat.<br />
Delusional.<br />
Slut.<br />
Pathetic.<br />
Sick.<br />
Maniac.<br />
Immature.<br />
Whiner.<br />
Ass.<br />
Womaniser.<br />
Narcissistic.<br />
Dirt.<br />
Retard.<br />
Son of a bitch.<br />
Whore.<br />
Bastard.<br />
<br />
Get the gist? Piss off now.<br />
<br />
Maybe your Christmas was happy and merry.<br />
<br />
Maybe yours truly will feel a little hospitable by New Year.<br />
<br />
Have a nice day.heuchlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01880799222209328292noreply@blogger.com0