Days Left to Home: 0.

Sure, the cold weather in Melbourne is horrid; the rain and wind did not help lessen the animosity. However, the 3 weeks has been fun. Australia has more to offer but it isn't the only offer on the table.

Thank you, nonetheless.

In 4 hours, the cab arrives. In 9.5 hours, the plane will land in Malaysia. This Saturday is/should be appropriately dedicated to Spongebob Squarepants. Maybe I'll just sleep through it all.

Clothes out of the dryer at 2AM in 8°C is a piece of heaven although the housemate is probably making voodoo dolls to keep us asleep.

Note: Laundry rooms should never be located next to the bedrooms.

At 11°C in Melbourne Winter.

Just when you think the devil has given up, you realize he has just found another method. You may sniff at the petty things and say that you can handle the world. But really, can you assure yourself that nothing catches up with you? Being in a limbo is hard when you're gearing to move on, scream, cry, pray or just do something. Waiting is just as hard as letting go. What assurance do you have that the trust and patience doesn't hurt in the end? To prostrate yourself and offer the raw feelings to someone you believe will never let you down.

It is never easy to walk down the road less taken. At times, catching glimpse of the smooth road, you have to catch yourself from leaping back there and going down that easy path. It would seem easier than proceeding against the current. Oh, the questions.

Have I changed? Have I done enough? Is it easier to be like them? Am I good enough? Will this attract them? What do they think of me? Maybe they would like me better if I... etc.

Then comes the question, wouldn't it be enough that you be true to yourself and just be?

Juste un rêve.

The place was perpetually dark, no matter which direction she turned. No electric lamp posts spaced out along the paths. No automobiles littered the roads. Old-fashioned grey cobbles replaced the modern tar road. Men on horses cantered around dressed in clothes of the early 1900s. She could smell the oil burning from the handful of street lamps that illuminated the crooked houses on both sides of the street. She turned her gaze to the necklace pendants displayed on the black velvet boxes. She glanced at the man who stood at her side, equally fascinated by the pendants. She glanced at the pendant seller, worried that he may charge excessively. He looked at his two customers with the certainty of a peddler who knew he would have a transaction.

"Each pendant is unique and belongs to just one owner," the peddler said.

She looked at her companion but couldn't see his face or his expression. She felt him gazing at her but she realized he was waiting for her decision. In the next instant, they were walking side by side, trailing the pendant seller to his house right around the corner; it was his workshop. His pendants were crafted in the house and he had all the necessary tools to make each of them their own, distinct pendant.

A woman in a black dress and grey apron said nothing as they entered the house after the pendant seller. He started working on a pendant for her companion. The woman offered no tea or pleasantries. She stood beside the window, gazing out at the opposite house. She couldn't see what the woman was staring at but she could feel the negativity radiating from the woman in the black dress. The pendant seller worked furiously on the pendant without once looking up to see if his two customers were in the house with him. He was absorbed in the creation of another pendant. It was a sure sale. Her companion and she left the odd couple in the house. Without a word, they knew they were going back to retrieve the completed pendants.

She wasn't sure if they returned to the house later or the next night. There was a hole in her memory from the moment they left the house until they were back in the house. Her companion was studiously admiring his completed pendant at a table while seated on a wooden chair. She still couldn't see his face. It was as if only his actions could be seen but she could feel his every thought. It did not come across as peculiar to her. She looked at the pendant seller at his worktable; he was grinning and smiling as he created her pendant. It was close to completion. There was a bell attached to her pendant and she could hear its faint ringing. She was not sure what made her turn to the woman standing beside the window. She could see her side profile in the fire that illuminated the room. She saw a look of disgust and horror on the woman's face as she looked outside. She looked out at the cause of such a violent reaction.

A row of children in blue dresses, white bonnets and white aprons were coming out of a house. A matron in a black outfit stood at the porch, making sure that they didn't trip as they descended the stairs. The children walked in a single, continuous line led by a man on a horse. As they walked across the pendant seller's house, it elicited a sharp intake of breath and hiss by the woman.

At that moment, the pendant seller stood up from his worktable in triumph as he held out the necklace with the pendant hanging on it. She saw that he was a man in his mid-fifties. His face was tanned and leathery with multiple wrinkle lines spread across when he smiled. He shook the pendant and the bell rang out loud and clear.

When the bell rang, a little girl stopped walking, turned towards the house and fell to her knees. The gate leading to the house and the door flung open as her hands clasped together in prayer before her knees touched the ground. She looked into the little girl's face and saw her red-rimmed eyes opened wide. She could not describe the pain and sorrow she saw in those eyes. She had never seen such anguish from another fellow human in her life. The eyes pleaded with desperation far greater than that of an innocent wrongly sentenced to die but begging for pardon until the last breath. Even then, words could not describe the pain and desperation she saw in the little girl's eyes.

Looking back to the pendant seller's face, she heard the voice of her intuition she thought she had lost. It told her that the pendant seller was not what he appeared to be. It told her that the pendant was not just part of a necklace. It told her that she may have just given her soul to the devil.

She realized as she ran out the door beside her companion that she was clutching the necklace in her hand. As she nearly stepped out the threshold of the house, a hand grabbed her and swung her around. She felt the pendant seller's hand hold hers tightly and fear caused her to punch the man in the face to release his grip. The man's smile had changed into a maniacal grin. No laughter emitted from him but the grin made fear eat into her heart. Even the haunting laughter of the evil psychopathic being that chased her previously, appeared inconsequential next to the pendant seller's grin. The second punch caused a crack in the man's face which showed the mask he was wearing. Her third punch caused the lower half of his mask to fall off. However, she was rooted to the spot and could only stare in horror as it was not a face that lay behind the mask; it was an endless fiery inferno that burned. She could feel him grinning at her.

She did not know if it was an outer body experience or she and the pendant seller did turn to look behind her simultaneously. The man leading the children was in a red uniform top and brown hat, sitting astride a brown horse. Again, she could not see the face of this rider but she felt him frowning at the pendant seller while emanating a feeling of safety and protection. She was transfixed at the transformation of the seller's face; from glee to shock and fear. She felt her companion pulling her out of the pendant seller's compound.

Her knees could not hold her up and she slid to the ground in mute relief. She watched her companion throw his pendant to the cobbles; it smashed to multiple pieces. She held the chain of the necklace and flung her pendant to the ground repeatedly. It took her a few attempts before the pendant cracked and finally shattered. The bell had stopped ringing since she left the pendant seller's house. As she realized that the pendant was finally destroyed, she felt tears flowing furiously down her cheeks. A loud sob escaped her lips as she hugged her knees close and slowly rocked back and forth on the cobbles.

She did not know if everyone was looking. She did not know if the little girl was still kneeling in front of the house. She did not know where the pendant seller was. She could not comprehend anything.

She heard the rider urging the horse forward and stopping beside her. She looked up and saw the outstretched hand of her companion. In his palm was a miniature model of a black sheep with white wool. He offered the sheep to the rider.

"Save this sheep. I could feel its fear."

Somehow she knew her future was hanging on that simple gesture.

Bling Bling.

When yours truly was heading to the bus terminal to pick up AH, an old couple (think in their 80s) got on the bus decked with jade bling from neck to waist. It was probably down to their foot too but they were wearing covered shoes. They had numerous necklaces of different coloured jade, bangles, rings, earrings and even belts on them. I couldn't help but smile at first before the realization hit - they could actually wear those around Singapore and not get robbed in plain daylight. They had the guts to do it.


So things haven't been all rosy. 3 days before yours truly is off to Bali and 1 day before having to move everything out of the room to another, the knee twisted itself. Again. At work. In front of a customer. Being mortified was an understatement. Surprisingly, yours truly is so used to the pain already that there wasn't even a tear this time. Similar to the same occurrence last year. Well, if it's that bearable, surgery shouldn't and will not be an option.


Watched Thor today with YT after having a sumptuous meal at Fig & Olive. It was just nice hanging out without having to force conversation. Even the silence was comforting. No friend is perfect but a friend is a friend. The just-passed weekend was a testament to that. Heading to Butter Factory, Zouk and Robertson Quay was pure, simple fun. Being surrounded by a culture of self-preservation, having these gems by your side really helps.


I can't recount the events of the day in this blog or come up with witty pieces worthy to be a relaxing piece. This blog is ambiguous, deep, emotional, morbid and etc. As told to me by some. Yours truly sometimes wishes to be funny but then this blog will turn into a public piece to entertain the readers. This is MY blog. Putting pen to paper is fun at times but typing is way faster. Forget about scribbles and illegible handwriting.


The old room's empty now but I am stubbornly spending the nights in this room until I am evicted physically from here. Which may be after Bali. Bali sounds great but the excitement isn't here yet. Oh, it will come. Hopefully. Please. *sigh*


Waiting for laundry to be done at 4am really inspires me to blog. Really, I'm not sure what can constitute as interesting to be placed in a blog. YT and I walked around Vivo today and into shops which had interesting pieces. Weird thing was, the urge to buy was there but this little voice kept saying, "You'll buy it when you have the paycheck for it." Nodding in agreement, yours truly walked away. I keep thinking that I'll need to save for Melbourne but no sense of panic is there yet. Heck, yours truly hasn't even thought about what to bring. In fact, I'm planning to bring all my clothes back from Singapore and decide when I get home. Bad planning..


So yours truly only got into bed at 2am and was awoken at 7+am due to the storm this morning. YT & NF thought I was lying about it and that they dreamt it. I thought I slept like the dead! Then things didn't help when the grass-cutters decided to do the patch beside my room at 11+am. Mother.. Yours truly needed to sleep after a tiring day of moving!! Then my neighbour slammed her room door at 2+pm. Why was the world conspiring against me in having long, uninterrupted sleeping hours???


Oh, yours truly also realized something important - I hate purposeful slamming of doors! If you know your door slams shut if not closed slowly, for the love of all things good in this world, DON'T LET IT SLAM SHUT. What pathetic excuse is it that your door mechanism doesn't work properly? You've been using that room for the past year and you've been able to close it silently before because your neighbour has also been next to you for the past one year. Seriously!


Well, buffet at Sakae is on tomorrow and things still need to be done before YT and I leave. Laundry laundry, here I come!

Metaphysical Section.

Yours truly decided to pick up the 2011 Horse Feng Shui book while waiting for a movie. Coincidence? Yes. Probably.

"You will experience multiple health problems in this year of the Rabbit..."
"Although it is better than the previous year of the Tiger, your health will be challenged..."
"The Rat and you will come to a new level of understanding..."
"The Dog and Tiger are your allies..."
"It is a prosperous financial year for you..."
"Politic and power play in the work place will push you away..."
"You will be drained of energy in this year but be optimistic and don't give in to pessimism..."
"Beware of investments; be circumspect with your money..."

What's the big deal? Yours truly has always been sick. Anyone told the author that?

What Can I Do?

When you know you're hell-bound, do you run away from it? Do you accept it? Do you bring some along with you for company?

The world sure has gone pretty awry to say the least. It's the hype now that 21st December 2012 is the end of the world. Unfortunately for JWs, the Mayans and even I-Ching beat you to that prediction. The beauty of math is that you never get the wrong solution with the proper numbers in the calculation.

To say that these statements compels yours truly to do something more meaningful than obtaining a Degree is an understatement. To say that these statements pushes yours truly to evangelize and proselytize on faith is exaggerating it beyond proportion.

Really, yours truly isn't very sure. Having just survived one year in NUS today, it's brought many things into perspective. It's an eye-opener when something that means the world to you one day can mean nothing, the next.

AH and SO is coming down this weekend. Maybe it'll be fun. Maybe it'll just emphasize how morbid things have become or maybe, it'll just inspire yours truly to clean this chicken coop that yours truly calls a room.

Procedure #2?

What do you do when you feel your heart is breaking?
What do you do if the ache you thought you got rid of, comes back?
When you get pushed to your limit and nothing makes sense, when all you need is just a hand reaching out to you but one was never extended, do you cry to be understood?

When you're lost, does anyone know how to find you?

Thoughts After Watching A Pretty Boy on Stage.

Yours truly was thinking (surprise surprise).

If:

1. You don't want to study; and
2. You don't want to work.

What does that leave you with?

1. Get married / + kids.
2. Get married to a very rich man / + kids.
3. Join a monastery or convent.
4. Be a hobo.
5. Check yourself into a mental institution.
6. Find a talent and be famous (which includes Youtube & Myspace - when it becomes work, it's moot).
7. You die.

Who said there were only door A & door B?

Perspective.

Things never go your way so you suck it up. If you feel the world conspires against you, deal with it. Truth be told, when you want to achieve for something, the entire world conspires with you.

Dead end cynic? Hey, you're complaining right? Isn't that something already?

At the end of the day, you never get what you want. You get what you need. Even if the opportunity is taken away from you, maybe it was never meant for you. Maybe it gave way to a better opportunity for you. Maybe someone was teaching you a lesson you had to learn.

We're all cynics. We can be negative, positive, or clueless about it but hey, deep inside, in some corner of you, we're all the same. You and I, we're cynics.

Tell yourself whatever you like. Whatever rocks your boat man.  

"Don't run from the truth 'cause you can't get away."

Scattered.

That would be an apt word to describe the thoughts and events right now. Wished we were all 'plugged in' and could automatically save thoughts that flit across the mind. It's been a long week but the month is too short. When 2010 ends, it had better not drive me insane. So much for being indulgent..


Mag: Resolusi 2011, kurangkan pencarutan!