Frustration.

You know what guys do that really pisses me off? Say one thing and mean another. THAT really sends me over the edge! I try to be rational and say, "Hey, girls do that ALL the time!" but I'm not one of those girls who do that unless I'm lying to your face for a stinking good reason. I don't think I do that to people around me and I sure as hell would appreciate it if people, guys especially do NOT do that to me. Do you understand how utterly frustrating it is? You try to spare the other person's feelings but you put yours on the line instead. I'm no hero, I'm a girl and I wanna effing cuss wherever and whenever I feel like it!

Take for example, [I'm not saying this is my personal experience] a guy tells you that he likes you and he tells you on an everyday basis although you've told him everyday that you don't like him back in that special way. Even your friends come up to you and ask why you wouldn't accept his proposal in a very serious manner too. Later, somebody asks this guy while you're in a big serious group discussion about his ideal girl. This guy proceeds by describing his ideal girl as the total opposite of you. Not once, twice, but numerous times. So you're wondering, is this a diversion tactic or is that really his genuine preference? You know you're not interested in the guy, so why won't he leave you alone?

Later, you finally think, oh well, let's just give it a try. Then when you think you're ready to do it, another discussion starts and he goes on to describing his ideal girl as the total opposite of you again. WHAT THE HELL. How do you not feel frustrated with that? As a girl, there is always something about us physically that we are aware of and we want to change though we won't publicly admit it. So when that spot is described as a lack by someone else, automatically, clamming up is the solution.

I've been very narrow-minded lately. I've made so much qualifications that I'm surprised I've not listed it all down and made a check-box beside it. I want my guy to be this and that and those and yeah, maybe these too. But no matter what I tell myself, when I meet someone I fall in love with, how he looks or how he dresses will not change the fact that I'm in love with that person. I'll nag him for the way he drives or make him clean his room every month but that doesn't mean that I love him less. It's really very subjective and there's no one way to love someone. If there was, I'd have to find more interesting things to occupy me!

I'll definitely check a guy out if he's cute physically. Don't lie now. We're all attracted to people who are physically good looking. The moment I know of his personality, traits, intentions and thoughts, that really defines whether I'll go on with the friendship and develop it or maintain it as a friendship or realize that he's just a jackass. I realize though that I only have a handful of guy friends and each one of them are unique. I don't know what goes through their mind and I can't honestly say I know their train of thoughts but what I do enjoy, is my conversations with them. No pretense, no demands. Just plain chit chat. I still don't understand guys but I do know a little about their habits, habitual attitudes and actions. It is still rational to say that a guys' actions portrays his character. Don't be fooled though. In this day and age, darling, you'll most probably be conned dead for believing that.

So, I'm not searching or looking for my knight yet because the search is not top priority at the moment for me. Mae though, should be on the track and should be made to stay there. I've had enough of her laments. Maybe, I'll get caught unawares one day. Hopefully, I'll be surprised cos I never saw it coming. One thing I know for sure, it isn't anytime soon. Stand between me and STPM, and I'll help you into a coma. So stay clear, suckers. Take all your honey-sweetened words and save it for your first night.