Sunday 5 January 2014

Etiquette & Expectations.

A girl in her 20s is in the prime age range to look for that one person whom she will be spending the rest of her life with and of course, there is no lack of wedding invitations or talk of weddings with friends. So what happens when you're not even looking or close to settling down when the big 30s hit you? Are you a destined spinster for life? Are you the perpetually cool 'Auntie ____'? Or the unfortunate girl that nobody wants and will forever be the one friend you can call up for favours because she has no pressing commitments?

I do have my reasons to omit guys from the previous paragraph because guys get it slightly easier. No, seriously. You don't have your parents breathing down your neck about your age and procreating virility. Your physical body is not under constant and not so covert scrutiny to attract the right partner nor is the prime condition of your womb an issue of grave importance. One mention of how your career is important for you in preparation of your future nuclear family is enough for your parents to beam smiles at you with a pat on your back and you are left alone. In fact, they become your advocates of a wonderful character and focus in life and your future goals. You think girls get off that easy? What can girls do? Smile and nod demurely while murmuring some comforting words to let their parents know that they have thoughts on it and are working towards that haven of life partnership.

Am I glad my parents are not like so! But it doesn't mean that I am unsympathetic of those in such pressured conditions. My paternal grandmother seem to think that my sisters and I are of age to have a boyfriend in our lives. Little does she know that we have many boy friends and the bond of friendship we have are familial or plain acquaintanceship.

Lets go back to wedding invitations. I'm sure many have gotten invites through various online platforms for events or functions. No surprise if you have received at least 1 important invitation via Facebook and it has made you feel excited or puzzled if your RSVP really matters. What if you mentioned that you will be attending but forgot about it because you forgot to check your Facebook account for that reminder? What if you have to cancel later because of unfortunate circumstances? Is it a valid response that holds much weight when you click the 'Join' button?

Example, Mary sends out her wedding invite on Facebook to her 800+ friends from the convenient little 'Invite All Friends' button. Is she seriously inviting friends from social circles she has not met nor spoken to in years? If all 800+ accepts her invitation, does she need to book a bigger hall? Does she track who responds to the event and personally sends them a message to ask for their address to send an invitation in the mail?

Lets be realistic here. I doubt brides who have to prepare for their big day would be free to track down every individual joining her event via Facebook. Unless of course her wedding planner is taking care of that but the list will have to be checked with the bride to avoid unwanted guests. What if the invite was accepted by a person who Mary doesn't want to be at her wedding - a crazy ex, an acquaintance from a social event, etc? The possibility of 'what could go wrong' is endless.

Take a look online and you will find multiple articles or discussion on forums condemning this lazy option of mass invite. Jeanne Hamilton writes quite simply in her website Etiquette Hell of her thoughts on such practise. Mind you, it only applies to important events - weddings, baby showers, engagement parties, etc. People are known to invite and cancel invitations verbally too; so what makes Facebook any worse? Is this impersonal method really a faux pas?

Perhaps technology ought to be blamed for creating new social mistakes. Where snail mail once was the proper and polite method of inviting guests to events of importance, now many opt to turn to online means. Isn't the wedding invitation card just as valid as the online e-card, especially if your friends happen to live in a different continent? Snail mail do get lost and sometimes, you do interact better over Whatsapp, text messages and email.

There are different moulds for different situations. What we know of today's social norm is what the larger society has agreed upon. Is the 20th Century generation reshaping social etiquettes by incorporating technology into their daily interactions? What if the 40th Century comes with the extinction of post offices from the invention of the teleportation device?

So many possibilities and arguments for this. If you think a digital card means that you're not important enough to be invited to an event, it's your opinion. If you think that it's a technologically savvy move, it's your opinion. 

Whatever the methods, just RSVP.

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