Sparks and Ashes.

0315 hours

It's probably not the right time of the day to be blogging. Propriety be damned. Terrifying thoughts have flitted across (and is) as these words become imprinted indefinite in the digital world. To die without so much as a column in the newspaper or obituary. Receiving two mental slaps in the time frame of 15 minutes. To learn that one could die suddenly and cause of death not known to those dear to you. To learn that the last invitation you turn down could probably be the last words uttered (or rather, messaged, in this modern day) to a person you will never see laughing, crying, jumping, or screaming at you ever again. To determine to make the most out of your losses and see the world filled with black tulips blooming simultaneously.

Fear, even that greater of long-haired, bloody-eyed wraiths lingering at darkened corridors, spreads through like liquid molding itself to every blood vessel. What if someone you loved more than the world itself was gone tomorrow? What if you never hear that quirky laughter echoing? Would you feel the grief or would you incur that loss? Did you say enough of "I love you. I treasure everything you've done for me. Thank you."?

0323 hours

It made me happy. I recalled the library as I was preoccupied over that document. "You're in my class. Yeah, I sit at the front." You looked intently at me, noticeably trying to catch my gaze. Looking at you, you smiled ever so warmly through your eyes. I turned away because everything blurred away for a moment. You said you have never introduced yourself to me when I couldn't recall your name. Remembering what you said, "You have such determination. You would stand up for them." Would I? I sent you away.

It was fun. You sincerely learning to salsa. I saw the spots of blush as I held your hand and she instructed us to move. Awkward steps soon forgotten and our hands held on naturally to the sounds of "1, 2, 3, 4 ..." Remembering the audition and your exhibitionist side. Smiling on realizing your shy nature. Are you really quiet all the time? The genuine relief when you realized I was there. Walking back together. Uncertainty tainting your words.

0348 hours

You never asked my name. You said, "See you later."

0352 hours

Anger, frustration, and annoyance. One messy ball of yarn. Resenting it but gravitating towards those ties. Patience and silence were the best solution to solve you.

0353 hours

Remembering your trust in focus. Determination your source of pride. Your little girl trekking independently pulls you in different directions. Needing but knowing to set her free. Praying that the sins are not passed on. The girl nearly a woman taking on the world with her stride, learning more every day, trying to contain what you've taught and obtain even more.

0358 hours

The sheer longing for you clutches stubbornly. Remembering your promise to always wait for me. Unknown yet trusting, the consuming need washing over. Overwhelmed by any thoughts of you, clinging to the memories, wanting to run into those ever opened arms. Please, don't take her away.

0404 hours

Hopefully, the laundry is done. A new day, a new story. Don't expect to be judged. Allowances do not walk hand-in-hand always with expectations.

I trust you. Maybe that will be the death of me.