Black, White, Grey?

Hypocrisy.

2011-12-29T00:31:00.004+08:00

Need I educate you on the definition of the title?

I rather not. Not feeling sanctimonious either.

In fact, yours truly is admitting to being the one of a few things I hate; hypocrite.

As a matter of fact, yours truly is feeling rather vicious at the moment.

Hypocrite.
Sinner.
Liar.
Sloth.
Fat.
Delusional.
Slut.
Pathetic.
Sick.
Maniac.
Immature.
Whiner.
Ass.
Womaniser.
Narcissistic.
Dirt.
Retard.
Son of a bitch.
Whore.
Bastard.

Get the gist? Piss off now.

Maybe your Christmas was happy and merry.

Maybe yours truly will feel a little hospitable by New Year.

Have a nice day.

Good-bye.

2011-12-02T02:39:00.001+08:00

Some say it's the least favourable 2 words; others argue that it is one simple word.

With the end of semester 1 in NUS, good-bye (however you want to spell it) isn't applicable. There is a continuation that resumes after the short hiatus of examinations. There is the rush that returns after the calm of the sea of papers. There is the weight that settles.

Your truly realises that the posts are reflective of the mood swings. At one point, it is happy and laid back and at another, it is moody and downright whiny. Coming to the end of 2011, yours truly still isn't sure about many things.

Listening to the multiple sides doesn't seem to aid much. Indecisiveness is elbowing its way into the space that comprehension occupies. At times, it feels like yours truly is rowing a boat towards that island in the distance; at times it appears that I am a mile closer and at times, it appears that no progress has been made.

A headless chicken running in circles - the only direction yours truly knows and seem to be going.

However, the family vacation is coming up soon. Yours truly is looking forward to that direction although something still feels like it's missing.

Question, questions.

2011-10-31T05:45:00.001+08:00

What would you do if you had no fear?

Would you truly be happier? Would the absence of fear result in an easier life?

No fear for repercussions? No fear of failure? No fear of loneliness?

How would your life be different? Without fear, how will the world function?

Shall we be a little selfish and just limit the privilege of fearlessness to me, myself and I?

Yours truly can't make up her mind lately.

Back to the swing. The pendulum has moved.

Another Step Forward.

2011-10-21T02:20:00.004+08:00

If yours truly is thankful for one thing at this moment despite the crazy assignments and lack of sleep (and all that jazz), it is for everyone around in Eusoff (especially) and Singapore who have given yours truly constant support. It is indeed hard to see past the barrier but it is not impossible. However, yours truly still doesn't like the competitive, stressful streak here.

To family and friends, you made yours truly believe that indeed, I can always create a home away from home; that I alone am responsible for my own happiness and you all just make it much easier to achieve. Yours truly thought that there wasn't anything else to learn but I was mistaken and proud; humbled, I've learnt much more than I can possibly articulate.

Sometimes yours truly wonders at the probability of things and being a pessimistic being, the worst comes to mind naturally. It takes a lot of courage to just be there and not expect much in return because you sow what you reap. It's best to just give your all then none at all and regretting it later.

Even if the clocks were turned back, yours truly will not change anything that has transcended to date. True, there are some things that yours truly wanted to change but those are the markers that indicate how far ahead yours truly has journeyed. These milestones make a distinct mental and emotional marker every year.

To the D3 Sisterhood, this may just be fatigue + sleepiness + current rush of hormones talking but yours truly is sincerely grateful to have met each and every one of you. The friendship we have is different from those made with my school friends but you have each made a deep impression that will never go away; "What is life?? OH MY GOD, is it the wrong flavour?? STAN! Sex on D, bitch!"

To the close friends everywhere, you are all my blessings; my miracles in fact. Yours truly has something extra that many may never have; I have all your shoulders to rely on when and if I need it. Although the darkness loom sometimes, yours truly knows you'd pick up your rainbow-coloured swords and stab it back (albeit not always effectively).

Family. *sigh* The world on a gold platter if I could despite the multiple "What is wrong with this family???" rants.

This is not supposed to be a warm, heart-felt post but to show just how far yours truly have travelled. Sure, another couple of days and the angst and sadness will return but gratitude is not something easily forgotten. If yours truly has forgotten to say it, thank you for everything and thank you for being you.

Maple, yours truly wish that you would understand English one day or even be able to talk but this will never be. So please let me cuddle you and hug you tight while you never cease in your attempts to gnaw my hands off.

2011-10-20T03:34:00.002+08:00

You're in the mirror looking back at me, tell me what is it going to take?
I will keep believing and I will be patient. Just because.

Awkward is when your heart and mind is at polar opposites of your emotions and you can't help but cry; unable to control and unable to articulate it without breaking down.

Looking back a year, it was 20; 20/10/2010. It wasn't the happiest but I had you around. It made things bearable. I am not sure if I would have pulled through without you around.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, friend.

Articulate.

2011-10-17T06:33:00.001+08:00

How easy it is to place a word for everything.

Fat.
Thin.
Ugly.
Beautiful.
Objective.
Depressive.
Angry.
Broken.
Quantify.
Emotion.
Control.
Crazy.

Do you even bother to understand the person behind it? Is aesthetic so important that everything else pales in comparison? Limited to this box, if I could, I'd cross you out furiously and tear you to shreds just to prove my point. The scale tips precariously to the edge and dangles; how do you find that release?

Being an addict cannot be articulated subtly. How do you feel? How do you act? How is it that people can judge you so easily? Can you not understand the person inside? What can you say to the poor man who feeds his soul but not his stomach? Could you blame the person who gives up on life? Cowards; to attempt suicide. What pushes them to that cliff? Giving up. Forgetting. Loneliness creeping and clawing into that small darkness, piercing its thorns into that warm bliss to expand the dark cloud.

How do you find a reason to life when you don't want it badly enough? Your problems are magnified only in your sphere. Exposed to the squalor that life can throw at you, compare a worm to a dragon. Fight, or keep trying to move on; even if the leg that you put forward rots and disintegrates. Hold your head high and be the master of your own soul.

It is indeed amazing how something that cannot be comprehended invokes the deepest emotions you thought you buried and sealed away completely. Solace, open your arms and embrace the lost sheep.

For a Lack of Better Words.

2011-10-07T07:25:00.001+08:00

It is a revelation to see how selfish you could be. You label yourself a friend? Honestly, look up the word in the dictionary. See how far you fall from it. You cannot blame your culture for your views or shaping who you are. Every culture is flawed; your actions reflect your inner self. Unconscious actions are the closest you will get to taste a person's true colour. You immitate what you see and spit it out like a factory, mass producing something that you never bothered to stop and question. You regurgitate the very epitome you claim to hate while blaring and imposing your stand of no substance.

To be able to adapt is definitely a boon. Occasionally, it is the best option to go against the tide. Learning lessons the hard way or through experience will always be the best teacher. I have learnt to see through your humble, friendly aesthetics to the ugly, calculative monster at your core. Why is it inexplicably hard to show a little kindness?

Call it disillusionment, if there is such a word. I will stick by my principles. They don't have to be blood relations or signing my paycheck for me to show some humanity. The windows to your soul reflect your disdain and reluctance although the sugar-coated words tumble from your mouth. When you start your sentence with, "Oh, I didn't realize..", don't mind me turning away to sneeze please. That is my defence mechanism against hypocrisy and insincerity. I am, after all, allergic to bullshit. Staying silent is no longer an option for me - you take that as my meek submission and attempt to trample all over me; even Napoleon had more tact.

You pretend that you are living the life akin to Gossip Girl, the O.C., 90210, etc. Look, if you cannot even make do with what you have now, do not think you are fit to dictate to me. However, this is my admission - you have taught me as much as you have given me reasons to dislike you. Sometimes I find myself swimming along and I dislike those occurrences. This is not a love-hate relationship; I still don't hold you in high esteem and most probably will not. I get what I came for and I will leave with no regrets.

Thank you for the lessons and the memories. No raining applause or flower showers for you. That will be all.

P/S: It has been a hectic month for me. I will try to update more often. I foresee later nights with the incoming assignments this month. It is easier to just wait for updates. My social media sites do not tell much either unless you like connecting the dots but please keep your views to yourself or ask, if you are curious. Do not make assumptions without basis. Spiteful games are best played as far away as possible from me.

Like.

2011-09-23T01:41:00.000+08:00

Such a simple word that connotes so much in its meaning. Voluntarily getting onto a roller coaster was a choice that yours truly wouldn't have change if someone rewinds time. It's good to have the drive but at times, it feels as if yours truly may be going a tad bit insane.

I recall reading a horoscope book about how Libras are organized and meticulous individuals and I laughed very hard at it. I was such a care-free kid back then. Right now, I'd like to add workaholic to that list of attributes too. Ever since realizing the worth of an organizer, guess who's doing organizer shopping at every outing?

Yours truly is staring off frequently into space while mentally going through lists. I'd like to be Maple for a month. It would be so much fun to just spend the entire day alternating between the bed, litter box, toys and food and water bowls. I'd like to be able to forget the fear and let live a little..

Let's sleep and forget the world for a while.

Maple's Story.

2011-08-18T05:03:00.000+08:00

Yes, you read it right and yours truly typed it right. Maple's story. NOT Maple Story.
So who is Maple? Meet Maple.

Mewling tiger extraordinaire. Loves to jump. Prefers to chew on hands than her toys. Potty-trained. Age: 3 months.

Owner: Yours truly.

So what is Maple's story? Vet found her strayed from her litter and in need of deworming. Vet's friend who was in yours truly's RAG team (from another hall) decided to adopt her but then her parents said no. After post-rag celebration drinks, yours truly agreed to keep Maple. No, yours truly did not agree to keep her in a drunken state.

Somehow, yours truly always wondered how it would feel like to have a cat as a pet. Agreeably the expenses would be just as high as having a pet dog. The vaccinations, the diet, the health, etc. would be similar to that of Kaka, Lola, and Kiko. Yours truly likes her; a lot. What's even more special is that her every expense would be out of the money that yours truly earns from work.

Maybe yours truly should wait and revisit this post when Maple isn't a kitten anymore.

Oddly, when reviewing this post, yours truly realized that she was sent this way at a moment of need.

Occasional bursts.

2011-08-11T06:01:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it feels better to be rid of this thing called emotions. To be specific, yours truly would like to erase this.. thing created that causes a person to develop tender feelings for another.

Thing, thing, go away,
Come again another day.

It is complicated when your heart wants something but logic tells you what you need.

It could also possibly be due to the rush of the last 3 days to complete the float for RAG that the emotions could overpower the mind. Recuperation is the best cure. However, it was worth it all - the cramps, the muscle aches, the pain of the surgery, the sleep deprivation, and the loneliness in a group.

Chingay 2012, here yours truly comes.

Special Thoughts.

2011-07-31T01:44:00.000+08:00

Remember that professor who gave the famous "Last Lecture"? Well, yours truly is sure that everyone is wondering what has transpired since then. Or maybe you've already stumbled on this article. This is worth every minute of your time, reading each word.

http://ph.yahoo.matchmove.com/news/article/a-fathers-message-from-beyond-the-grave

Significant? Insignificant?

Of a Long, Short Week.

2011-07-28T16:25:00.001+08:00

Unresolved module bidding and subjected to involuntarily sleep deprivation can make anyone ~~roar!!~~ prickly and ~~insane~~ irritable. So I found Prince Charmings who made my day much bearable. They could be my favourite twins surpassing even the Olsens.

Well, I don't feel like doing anything every day.

Clueless.

2011-07-24T00:31:00.000+08:00

Going through previous posts, yours truly is finding it hard to not believe that the Chinese astrologers saw what was coming. Steady old girl.. There are many things that one can wish for but in the end, if it happens (or not, unfortunately), it happens.

The mind feels empty lately; it is as if someone clicked on auto-drive. Yours truly apologizes for the lack of creative juice. One doesn't need drama to fill up a blog. One doesn't even need.. Oh, oh, oh! Just remembered.

Yours truly spotted 2 burly, built men in leather jackets and huge helmets in an all-black gear yesterday..

Riding Vespas.

So you see. Enjoy the weekend.

Days Left to Home: 0.

2011-07-09T00:34:00.001+08:00

Sure, the cold weather in Melbourne is horrid; the rain and wind did not help lessen the animosity. However, the 3 weeks has been fun. Australia has more to offer but it isn't the only offer on the table.

Thank you, nonetheless.

In 4 hours, the cab arrives. In 9.5 hours, the plane will land in Malaysia. This Saturday is/should be appropriately dedicated to Spongebob Squarepants. Maybe I'll just sleep through it all.

Clothes out of the dryer at 2AM in 8°C is a piece of heaven although the housemate is probably making voodoo dolls to keep us asleep.

Note: Laundry rooms should never be located next to the bedrooms.

At 11°C in Melbourne Winter.

2011-07-07T20:48:00.000+08:00

Just when you think the devil has given up, you realize he has just found another method. You may sniff at the petty things and say that you can handle the world. But really, can you assure yourself that nothing catches up with you? Being in a limbo is hard when you're gearing to move on, scream, cry, pray or just do something. Waiting is just as hard as letting go. What assurance do you have that the trust and patience doesn't hurt in the end? To prostrate yourself and offer the raw feelings to someone you believe will never let you down.

It is never easy to walk down the road less taken. At times, catching glimpse of the smooth road, you have to catch yourself from leaping back there and going down that easy path. It would seem easier than proceeding against the current. Oh, the questions.

Have I changed? Have I done enough? Is it easier to be like them? Am I good enough? Will this attract them? What do they think of me? Maybe they would like me better if I... etc.

Then comes the question, wouldn't it be enough that you be true to yourself and just be?

Juste un rêve.

2011-06-07T00:46:00.028+08:00

The place was perpetually dark, no matter which direction she turned. No electric lamp posts spaced out along the paths. No automobiles littered the roads. Old-fashioned grey cobbles replaced the modern tar road. Men on horses cantered around dressed in clothes of the early 1900s. She could smell the oil burning from the handful of street lamps that illuminated the crooked houses on both sides of the street. She turned her gaze to the necklace pendants displayed on the black velvet boxes. She glanced at the man who stood at her side, equally fascinated by the pendants. She glanced at the pendant seller, worried that he may charge excessively. He looked at his two customers with the certainty of a peddler who knew he would have a transaction.

"Each pendant is unique and belongs to just one owner," the peddler said.

She looked at her companion but couldn't see his face or his expression. She felt him gazing at her but she realized he was waiting for her decision. In the next instant, they were walking side by side, trailing the pendant seller to his house right around the corner; it was his workshop. His pendants were crafted in the house and he had all the necessary tools to make each of them their own, distinct pendant.

A woman in a black dress and grey apron said nothing as they entered the house after the pendant seller. He started working on a pendant for her companion. The woman offered no tea or pleasantries. She stood beside the window, gazing out at the opposite house. She couldn't see what the woman was staring at but she could feel the negativity radiating from the woman in the black dress. The pendant seller worked furiously on the pendant without once looking up to see if his two customers were in the house with him. He was absorbed in the creation of another pendant. It was a sure sale. Her companion and she left the odd couple in the house. Without a word, they knew they were going back to retrieve the completed pendants.

She wasn't sure if they returned to the house later or the next night. There was a hole in her memory from the moment they left the house until they were back in the house. Her companion was studiously admiring his completed pendant at a table while seated on a wooden chair. She still couldn't see his face. It was as if only his actions could be seen but she could feel his every thought. It did not come across as peculiar to her. She looked at the pendant seller at his worktable; he was grinning and smiling as he created her pendant. It was close to completion. There was a bell attached to her pendant and she could hear its faint ringing. She was not sure what made her turn to the woman standing beside the window. She could see her side profile in the fire that illuminated the room. She saw a look of disgust and horror on the woman's face as she looked outside. She looked out at the cause of such a violent reaction.

A row of children in blue dresses, white bonnets and white aprons were coming out of a house. A matron in a black outfit stood at the porch, making sure that they didn't trip as they descended the stairs. The children walked in a single, continuous line led by a man on a horse. As they walked across the pendant seller's house, it elicited a sharp intake of breath and hiss by the woman.

At that moment, the pendant seller stood up from his worktable in triumph as he held out the necklace with the pendant hanging on it. She saw that he was a man in his mid-fifties. His face was tanned and leathery with multiple wrinkle lines spread across when he smiled. He shook the pendant and the bell rang out loud and clear.

When the bell rang, a little girl stopped walking, turned towards the house and fell to her knees. The gate leading to the house and the door flung open as her hands clasped together in prayer before her knees touched the ground. She looked into the little girl's face and saw her red-rimmed eyes opened wide. She could not describe the pain and sorrow she saw in those eyes. She had never seen such anguish from another fellow human in her life. The eyes pleaded with desperation far greater than that of an innocent wrongly sentenced to die but begging for pardon until the last breath. Even then, words could not describe the pain and desperation she saw in the little girl's eyes.

Looking back to the pendant seller's face, she heard the voice of her intuition she thought she had lost. It told her that the pendant seller was not what he appeared to be. It told her that the pendant was not just part of a necklace. It told her that she may have just given her soul to the devil.

She realized as she ran out the door beside her companion that she was clutching the necklace in her hand. As she nearly stepped out the threshold of the house, a hand grabbed her and swung her around. She felt the pendant seller's hand hold hers tightly and fear caused her to punch the man in the face to release his grip. The man's smile had changed into a maniacal grin. No laughter emitted from him but the grin made fear eat into her heart. Even the haunting laughter of the evil psychopathic being that chased her previously, appeared inconsequential next to the pendant seller's grin. The second punch caused a crack in the man's face which showed the mask he was wearing. Her third punch caused the lower half of his mask to fall off. However, she was rooted to the spot and could only stare in horror as it was not a face that lay behind the mask; it was an endless fiery inferno that burned. She could feel him grinning at her.

She did not know if it was an outer body experience or she and the pendant seller did turn to look behind her simultaneously. The man leading the children was in a red uniform top and brown hat, sitting astride a brown horse. Again, she could not see the face of this rider but she felt him frowning at the pendant seller while emanating a feeling of safety and protection. She was transfixed at the transformation of the seller's face; from glee to shock and fear. She felt her companion pulling her out of the pendant seller's compound.

Her knees could not hold her up and she slid to the ground in mute relief. She watched her companion throw his pendant to the cobbles; it smashed to multiple pieces. She held the chain of the necklace and flung her pendant to the ground repeatedly. It took her a few attempts before the pendant cracked and finally shattered. The bell had stopped ringing since she left the pendant seller's house. As she realized that the pendant was finally destroyed, she felt tears flowing furiously down her cheeks. A loud sob escaped her lips as she hugged her knees close and slowly rocked back and forth on the cobbles.

She did not know if everyone was looking. She did not know if the little girl was still kneeling in front of the house. She did not know where the pendant seller was. She could not comprehend anything.

She heard the rider urging the horse forward and stopping beside her. She looked up and saw the outstretched hand of her companion. In his palm was a miniature model of a black sheep with white wool. He offered the sheep to the rider.

"Save this sheep. I could feel its fear."

Somehow she knew her future was hanging on that simple gesture.

Bling Bling.

2011-05-11T04:00:00.001+08:00

When yours truly was heading to the bus terminal to pick up AH, an old couple (think in their 80s) got on the bus decked with jade bling from neck to waist. It was probably down to their foot too but they were wearing covered shoes. They had numerous necklaces of different coloured jade, bangles, rings, earrings and even belts on them. I couldn't help but smile at first before the realization hit - they could actually wear those around Singapore and not get robbed in plain daylight. They had the guts to do it.

So things haven't been all rosy. 3 days before yours truly is off to Bali and 1 day before having to move everything out of the room to another, the knee twisted itself. Again. At work. In front of a customer. Being mortified was an understatement. Surprisingly, yours truly is so used to the pain already that there wasn't even a tear this time. Similar to the same occurrence last year. Well, if it's that bearable, surgery shouldn't and will not be an option.

Watched Thor today with YT after having a sumptuous meal at Fig & Olive. It was just nice hanging out without having to force conversation. Even the silence was comforting. No friend is perfect but a friend is a friend. The just-passed weekend was a testament to that. Heading to Butter Factory, Zouk and Robertson Quay was pure, simple fun. Being surrounded by a culture of self-preservation, having these gems by your side really helps.

I can't recount the events of the day in this blog or come up with witty pieces worthy to be a relaxing piece. This blog is ambiguous, deep, emotional, morbid and etc. As told to me by some. Yours truly sometimes wishes to be funny but then this blog will turn into a public piece to entertain the readers. This is MY blog. Putting pen to paper is fun at times but typing is way faster. Forget about scribbles and illegible handwriting.

The old room's empty now but I am stubbornly spending the nights in this room until I am evicted physically from here. Which may be after Bali. Bali sounds great but the excitement isn't here yet. Oh, it will come. Hopefully. Please. *sigh*

Waiting for laundry to be done at 4am really inspires me to blog. Really, I'm not sure what can constitute as interesting to be placed in a blog. YT and I walked around Vivo today and into shops which had interesting pieces. Weird thing was, the urge to buy was there but this little voice kept saying, "You'll buy it when you have the paycheck for it." Nodding in agreement, yours truly walked away. I keep thinking that I'll need to save for Melbourne but no sense of panic is there yet. Heck, yours truly hasn't even thought about what to bring. In fact, I'm planning to bring all my clothes back from Singapore and decide when I get home. Bad planning..

So yours truly only got into bed at 2am and was awoken at 7+am due to the storm this morning. YT & NF thought I was lying about it and that they dreamt it. I thought I slept like the dead! Then things didn't help when the grass-cutters decided to do the patch beside my room at 11+am. Mother.. Yours truly needed to sleep after a tiring day of moving!! Then my neighbour slammed her room door at 2+pm. Why was the world conspiring against me in having long, uninterrupted sleeping hours???

Oh, yours truly also realized something important - I hate purposeful slamming of doors! If you know your door slams shut if not closed slowly, for the love of all things good in this world, DON'T LET IT SLAM SHUT. What pathetic excuse is it that your door mechanism doesn't work properly? You've been using that room for the past year and you've been able to close it silently before because your neighbour has also been next to you for the past one year. Seriously!

Well, buffet at Sakae is on tomorrow and things still need to be done before YT and I leave. Laundry laundry, here I come!

Metaphysical Section.

2011-05-06T01:25:00.000+08:00

Yours truly decided to pick up the 2011 Horse Feng Shui book while waiting for a movie. Coincidence? Yes. Probably.

"You will experience multiple health problems in this year of the Rabbit..."
"Although it is better than the previous year of the Tiger, your health will be challenged..."
"The Rat and you will come to a new level of understanding..."
"The Dog and Tiger are your allies..."
"It is a prosperous financial year for you..."
"Politic and power play in the work place will push you away..."
"You will be drained of energy in this year but be optimistic and don't give in to pessimism..."
"Beware of investments; be circumspect with your money..."

What's the big deal? Yours truly has always been sick. Anyone told the author that?

What Can I Do?

2011-05-04T05:21:00.000+08:00

When you know you're hell-bound, do you run away from it? Do you accept it? Do you bring some along with you for company?

The world sure has gone pretty awry to say the least. It's the hype now that 21st December 2012 is the end of the world. Unfortunately for JWs, the Mayans and even I-Ching beat you to that prediction. The beauty of math is that you never get the wrong solution with the proper numbers in the calculation.

To say that these statements compels yours truly to do something more meaningful than obtaining a Degree is an understatement. To say that these statements pushes yours truly to evangelize and proselytize on faith is exaggerating it beyond proportion.

Really, yours truly isn't very sure. Having just survived one year in NUS today, it's brought many things into perspective. It's an eye-opener when something that means the world to you one day can mean nothing, the next.

AH and SO is coming down this weekend. Maybe it'll be fun. Maybe it'll just emphasize how morbid things have become or maybe, it'll just inspire yours truly to clean this chicken coop that yours truly calls a room.

Procedure #2?

2011-05-02T03:36:00.001+08:00

What do you do when you feel your heart is breaking?
What do you do if the ache you thought you got rid of, comes back?
When you get pushed to your limit and nothing makes sense, when all you need is just a hand reaching out to you but one was never extended, do you cry to be understood?

When you're lost, does anyone know how to find you?

Thoughts After Watching A Pretty Boy on Stage.

2011-04-24T00:14:00.000+08:00

Yours truly was thinking (surprise surprise).

If:

1. You don't want to study; and
2. You don't want to work.

What does that leave you with?

1. Get married / + kids.
2. Get married to a very rich man / + kids.
3. Join a monastery or convent.
4. Be a hobo.
5. Check yourself into a mental institution.
6. Find a talent and be famous (which includes Youtube & Myspace - when it becomes work, it's moot).
7. You die.

Who said there were only door A & door B?

Perspective.

2011-01-15T13:44:00.000+08:00

Things never go your way so you suck it up. If you feel the world conspires against you, deal with it. Truth be told, when you want to achieve for something, the entire world conspires with you.

Dead end cynic? Hey, you're complaining right? Isn't that something already?

At the end of the day, you never get what you want. You get what you need. Even if the opportunity is taken away from you, maybe it was never meant for you. Maybe it gave way to a better opportunity for you. Maybe someone was teaching you a lesson you had to learn.

We're all cynics. We can be negative, positive, or clueless about it but hey, deep inside, in some corner of you, we're all the same. You and I, we're cynics.

Tell yourself whatever you like. Whatever rocks your boat man.

"Don't run from the truth 'cause you can't get away."

Scattered.

2010-12-23T05:40:00.001+08:00

That would be an apt word to describe the thoughts and events right now. Wished we were all 'plugged in' and could automatically save thoughts that flit across the mind. It's been a long week but the month is too short. When 2010 ends, it had better not drive me insane. So much for being indulgent..

Mag: Resolusi 2011, kurangkan pencarutan!

Kallari

2010-11-29T06:46:00.001+08:00

Call of the crow, screaming infinitely with that throbbing heart

The tiny steps leading to an eternity of desolation

Weep, weep, with your entire being

Privy to the plans of the future

Seeing the life with distinguished agony

Streaking downwards, creating a path that would never be kissed away

Why do you crave that which is not meant to be?

Hear me cry, hear my screams

Hear how my heart bleeds

Look at the canvas, shredded

Torn to never be sewn together again

I concede, I call out

Catch me, hold me

Please..

Touched by that of which was asked

Was it right to never seek?

Thrown to the ground, trampled

Picked up and served on a golden tray

Pretty but worthless in the end

Did it have to break?

Why?

Can you not see?

Could it only watch?

Never deserving, cast aside

Destined to forever hold on

Being sliced slowly, inch by inch

Eaten in the darkness of the blessing.

Morning call of the bird

The beautiful image shimmers

Soiled by the touch of a sinner

Poison seeping in to clutch at the happiness

Clawing the ends, dragging it through the mud

Breaking the pieces, smaller in every attempt

Leave the shards, turn down the offer

I told you so, it would only break.

Silent howls

Coldness inside, never finding the fit

To never be lighted

Given to another.

Sparks and Ashes.

2010-11-03T04:08:00.000+08:00

0315 hours

It's probably not the right time of the day to be blogging. Propriety be damned. Terrifying thoughts have flitted across (and is) as these words become imprinted indefinite in the digital world. To die without so much as a column in the newspaper or obituary. Receiving two mental slaps in the time frame of 15 minutes. To learn that one could die suddenly and cause of death not known to those dear to you. To learn that the last invitation you turn down could probably be the last words uttered (or rather, messaged, in this modern day) to a person you will never see laughing, crying, jumping, or screaming at you ever again. To determine to make the most out of your losses and see the world filled with black tulips blooming simultaneously.

Fear, even that greater of long-haired, bloody-eyed wraiths lingering at darkened corridors, spreads through like liquid molding itself to every blood vessel. What if someone you loved more than the world itself was gone tomorrow? What if you never hear that quirky laughter echoing? Would you feel the grief or would you incur that loss? Did you say enough of "I love you. I treasure everything you've done for me. Thank you."?

0323 hours

It made me happy. I recalled the library as I was preoccupied over that document. "You're in my class. Yeah, I sit at the front." You looked intently at me, noticeably trying to catch my gaze. Looking at you, you smiled ever so warmly through your eyes. I turned away because everything blurred away for a moment. You said you have never introduced yourself to me when I couldn't recall your name. Remembering what you said, "You have such determination. You would stand up for them." Would I? I sent you away.

It was fun. You sincerely learning to salsa. I saw the spots of blush as I held your hand and she instructed us to move. Awkward steps soon forgotten and our hands held on naturally to the sounds of "1, 2, 3, 4 ..." Remembering the audition and your exhibitionist side. Smiling on realizing your shy nature. Are you really quiet all the time? The genuine relief when you realized I was there. Walking back together. Uncertainty tainting your words.

0348 hours

You never asked my name. You said, "See you later."

0352 hours

Anger, frustration, and annoyance. One messy ball of yarn. Resenting it but gravitating towards those ties. Patience and silence were the best solution to solve you.

0353 hours

Remembering your trust in focus. Determination your source of pride. Your little girl trekking independently pulls you in different directions. Needing but knowing to set her free. Praying that the sins are not passed on. The girl nearly a woman taking on the world with her stride, learning more every day, trying to contain what you've taught and obtain even more.

0358 hours

The sheer longing for you clutches stubbornly. Remembering your promise to always wait for me. Unknown yet trusting, the consuming need washing over. Overwhelmed by any thoughts of you, clinging to the memories, wanting to run into those ever opened arms. Please, don't take her away.

0404 hours

Hopefully, the laundry is done. A new day, a new story. Don't expect to be judged. Allowances do not walk hand-in-hand always with expectations.

I trust you. Maybe that will be the death of me.

Mulling.

2010-10-15T06:58:00.000+08:00

Do you always say what you mean? Do you always portray your true self? Is it really refreshing to go against traditional norms?

Perhaps the intent was always there but the drive was/is absent. A little bit of harm makes you stronger. Right?

What do you do when you get sick and tired of something? All the hypocrisy and pussy-footing around.

If only mind-reading was a natural gift. On the other hand, the world will be one sick and twisted place. Do something will ya?? Looking and staring won't get you there. Exhibitionism helps. EFFORTS results.

Dare to do it? Have the balls to own up. Notice when you point, 1 finger points outwards and 4 fingers point back at you.

Maybe the time of birth is an indication of a person's natural time of sleep. Birthday celebrations mark your impeccable survival skills to last another year alive. Also, it marks a new year of war with death. Good cause for celebration. Someone has a sense of humour it seems.

I can do this damn it! How hard can it be? With given limit = Absofuckinglutely.

Episode 4.

2010-10-02T14:44:00.000+08:00

Honestly, yours truly was pissed to high heavens when she received the email. In the light of the morning, or rather; disturbed afternoon, yours truly just feels cold determination.

Thank you for emailing AirAsia.

In response to your email, please be informed that the time shown in our airport is all monitored by MAB and not controlled by AirAsia.

After discussing, we would like to offer you a credit shell for your no show ticket as a gesture of goodwill. The amount offered for the credit account is MY 44.00 MYR. Kindly note that:

1. The credit account is reffered to, as a Credit Shell.

2. The Credit Shell expiry date is 30 December 2010.

3. The Bookings can be for you personal use or nominated person on our AirAsia Flights (AK, FD, QZ) only.

4. The actual travel date/dates can be after the expiry date of the Credit Shell as long as our schedule is out.

5. Credit Shell redemption can be done via our Call Centres or authorized AirAsia Sales Counters and online via our website.

6. To enable you to use the credit shell for online bookings, please login on our webstie with your user ID and password as registered. Then proceed to make your bookings. When you arrive at the payment page, please click on the credit tab for payment. Any outstanding balance may be paid via your Credit Card.

Besides that, we understand that checking in at our check-in counter needs to wait for long time due to long queue. We would like to suggest you to do web check-in or mobile check-in in future in order to avoid long queue at our check-in counter. Kindly visit our self check-in page at http://www.airasia.com/my/en/myflights/selfcheckin.html for more details regarding web/mobile check-in

Should you require any further assistant, please do not hesitate to write in to us or contact our call centre team at http://www.airasia.com/my/en/contactus.html.

Thank you for understanding and support towards AirAsia.

We are looking forward to assisting you better in the next given opportunity.

So, goodwill right?

A kindly feeling of approval and support : benevolent interest or concern : the favor or advantage that a business has acquired especially through its brands and its good reputation: the value of projected earnings increases of a business especially as part of its purchase price : the excess of the purchase price of a company over its book value which represents the value of goodwill as an intangible asset for accounting purposes : cheerful consent : willing effort (Sourced from Merriam-Webster.com)

Yours truly harboured goodwill since the first episode. As it progressed and yours truly was brushed off flippantly, that goodwill mutated and was apparently lodged on to the other party. A broken record would be an apt description of these exchanges and the reasoning (or rather, EXCUSE) provided serve no purpose. Advice that is, in JoJo's song, too little too late.

It really is a waste of saliva and time repeating and reiterating facts. Lord knows that varsity is seeing tonnes of paraphrasing all in the name of copyrights. Excerpt from a conversation last night.

So what if MAB controls??? The plane time AirAsia control?? Fact of matter is there were no last calls!

When I was waiting to get the employees name from the manager, there were a few passengers departing to JB on a 0715 flight who rushed over. They said they were queuing for the flight at a counter (not a common check-in counter) and suddenly the counter closed while they were still in line. They came over to the Service Counter and was able to check-in.

IF MY BLOODY FLIGHT WASN'T IN A COMMON CHECK-IN COUNTER, I COULD HAVE DONE THE EXACT SAME THING AT 0530.

And when the hell was there a common check-in counter??? Does AA assume that ALL their passengers are common flyers and would know all these?? Do I look like I fly with AA all the time??

Still refuse to give me a manager's correspondence and inadvertently by their actions, cut off any reasons for me to contact them again. What gesture of goodwill??? Their bloody cow hides! Even to the end they ASSUME that I'd want to fly with them again! I rather pay hundreds to sit F-, T-, bus or the dysfunctional train!!

If the only solution now is a black and white document, so be it. The next email yours truly will be sending comes in the style of an email chain. It was surprising to receive encouragement aside from the neutral expressions as of late. There were some niggling questions this entire week and all was dispelled one way or another.

Right. Nevertheless. Thank you!

p/s: Dr. Lim, yes, I know when I click on "Publish Post", this will forever be part of my legacy. Oh, I gave proper referencing too. No plagiarism there.

Episode 3.

2010-09-30T02:37:00.000+08:00

Yours truly isn't sure which is doing a better job of riling her up - tests and assignments due in university or this unnecessary episodes.

Thank you for emailing AirAsia.

In response to your email, we appreciate that you understand our policy on check-in counters. However, we are regret to inform you that we are unable to check you in as it is already late.

In regards to your unused ticket, you may request for airport tax refund. Should you wish to have airport tax refund, kindly write in to us and we will further assist you.

Thank you for your understanding.

Should you require any further assistant, please do not hesitate to write in to us or contact our call centre team at http://www.airasia.com/my/en/contactus.html.

Thank you for choosing AirAsia.

We are looking forward to assisting you better in the next given opportunity.

Does anyone feel like these episodes have occurred before and yours truly is reading off prepared templates? Seriously, why repeat everything that has been mentioned previously and the assumption that yours truly only wants an airport tax refund?? All these noise just for a refund of RM25 in airport tax? How else can yours truly emphasize the fact that YOURS TRULY WAS IN THE AIRPORT 1 HOUR BEFORE DEPARTURE AND NO LAST CALLS WERE MADE FOR THE STIPULATED 45 MINUTES? That and the fact that yours truly has to write in to AirAsia again via the online feedback form a 4th time to obtain further assistance could really send a reformed Freddy Kruger on a rampage again.

-
To Mr./Miss - ,

Thank you for your email. Kindly escalate my emails to your legal department or a manager directly under AirAsia's employment. I believe that my claims will be out of your jurisdiction or scope of assistance as there is only so much you can do employed under -. Thank you for your assistance.

To whom it should concern,

Please refer to the statement below from the previous reply sent to me by your Customer Service Executive:

However, we are regret to inform you that we are unable to check you in as it is already late.

Please do not waste my time repeating facts. Your employee has been replying to my feedback forms with reference to either a prepared reply template or his/her manager. If being polite doesn't seem to get the message through, let me emphasize in the clearest way possible.

I WAS AT THE AIRPORT 1 HOUR BEFORE DEPARTURE AND THERE WERE NO LAST CALLS FOR CHECK-IN. YOUR TERMS & CONDITIONS OF CARRIAGE STATES THAT COUNTERS OPEN 2 HOURS BEFORE SCHEDULED FLIGHT DEPARTURE TIME AND CLOSE FORTY-FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE SCHEDULED FLIGHT DEPARTURE TIME. Replay your security camera recordings if necessary. The communication I have had with AirAsia so far contains element of indirectly blaming me, your customer, for not being right.

If AirAsia's last call courtesy is only extended to Hanoi-bound passengers and not Singapore-bound passengers, not only do I DEMAND FOR THE AIRPORT TAX REFUND, I WANT COMPENSATION FOR THE LACKADAISICAL SERVICE RENDERED. For confirmation of your record and mine, this is the 3rd time I am filling in an online feedback form just to get a response on my case. KINDLY EXTEND THE COURTESY AND COMMON SENSE FOR ME TO GET IN TOUCH WITH A REPRESENTATIVE THAT HAS SOME JURISDICTION AND AUTHORITY IN THIS SITUATION.

Regards,
Yours truly.

-

The customer is

always

right.

Even if they are not, do not let them think that you're placing the blame on them. Every man has a wild beast within. The nearer a man gets to being a beast, the less he knows it. Beat the animal, but you can't make it think.

Episode 2.

2010-09-28T00:26:00.001+08:00

So, yours truly isn't sure if dinner actually went down the right way or even taste at all.

Thank you for emailing AirAsia.

In response to your email, please be informed that check-in counter will be closed 45 minutes prior to the departure time. By referring to your original departure time (0615hours), the check-in counter will closed at 0530hours. So, arriving check-in counter at 0515hours did not provide sufficient time for us to assist you in checking in as there was only 15minutes to closure of check-in counter.

Moreover, the check-in counter was a common check-in counter where passengers of various departing flight will check-in at the same counter. So, this will lengthen the queue and 15mins is certainly insufficient. Normally, should it be a specific check-in counter, we will try our best to accomodate passenger's request in checking in to avoid miss flight. However, as for common check-in counter, we will close the check-in time at 45mins sharp prior to departure to avoid continuous delay.

For your information, the last boarding announcement will only be announced in the boarding hall. The location of the check-in counter is far from the international boarding hall. Hence, the announcement will not be able to reach you.

Trust the above explainations help.

Thank you for your understanding and support towards AirAsia.

Should you require any further assistance, please do not hesitate to contact our call centre team at http://www.airasia.com/my/en/contactus.html.

Thank you for choosing AirAsia.

Yes, yours truly is aware of the distance between the check-in counters and the international boarding hall, thank you. No, the explanation did not help. Kindly explain why were there numerous calls for flight bound for Hanoi at 0630 hours between 0525 hours and 0555 hours but none for Singapore within the stipulated 45 minutes. Is this a show of preferential treatment? Do Hanoi-bound passengers have the luxury to be paged multiple times for their flights but not Singapore-bound passengers? Last calls take place both at the check-in counters AND the boarding hall as yours truly had the privilege to be present at both places from 0515 hours to 1145 hours on Sunday due to an alleged missed flight and a delayed flight.

Talk about being cheated of promised service and hinted of ignorance and probable stupidity. Reminders on the 45 minute stipulation is just a waste of time. Let's all beat around the bush. Why assume the customer would be interested to call the call center with the existing reputation of it? Was yours truly supposed to be happy with the above explanation and expected to spend further by calling AirAsia after the sum of RM341 on Sunday? Tsk.

Patience, Freezing Toes.

2010-09-26T10:16:00.000+08:00

Having to 'hang out' at LCCT since 0530 hours is not an experience yours truly would care to repeat. Give yours truly KLIA any day. The only bright light in this already darkening day is this 2-hour free wi-fi for passengers' usage. So what IS yours truly doing here typing away in front of gate T3?

--

To Customer Service Officer,

I hope this email finds you in good health. At this exact moment, I am waiting for my delayed 1010 hours flight to Singapore after an unpleasant experience at the AirAsia check-in counter.

My original flight - AK7** bound for Singapore, was scheduled at 0615 hours. Sent by my mother and sister to the airport, I confirmed with the departure board that the counter to check-in was at counter R6. However, to my understanding, the row of counters there were 'common check-in counters' and as such passengers could queue in any of the lines. While waiting, I heard numerous calls for 0630 hours flight to Hanoi. At my turn, the attendant informed me that she was unable to check in my luggage for the flight as it was already closed. She then directed me to the Service Counter to speak to the manager. All these took less than 5 minutes.

After a short wait at the Service Counter, I had the luck to be attended to by Mr. A who informed me that flight AK7** was not accepting anymore boarding passengers as it was already 0600 hours. He graciously pointed out the reminder on my flight itinerary that check-in counters close 45 minutes before flight time which I agreed on. My argument was that there were no 'last boarding' calls in the period that I arrived at the airport roughly at 0515 hours, walked into the airport, screened my baggage, waited in line for about 2-3 minutes, walked to the Service Counter to enquire about check-in baggage fee payment, and returned to queue at R8.

Mr. A explained to me that I should have moved forward to the counters directly by 0530am if there were no boarding calls for my flight as I had the right to. I agreed to his logic but as there were only 4 counters opened and swamped with passengers, it did not cross my mind to do so. Mr. AL who was beside Mr. A spoke up to say that he made the last boarding calls at least 3 times with the last call made at 0545 hours. I presented my arguement to Mr. AL and Mr. A again but Mr. AL insisted on his actions.

Please understand that I do not fancy being indirectly called a liar at the wee hours of the morning. Doubting that perhaps I was at fault, I checked my mobile phone. At 0533 hours, I sent a text message to my friends while waiting in line, that I was queuing for my turn to check-in and that I was looking forward to meeting them again in December. At 0535 hours, a friend replied my text wishing me a safe journey. The time stated in my mobile phone follows Maxis time. At the AirAsia sales counter, the time shown at the display screen dispersed my doubts - my time is similar to the airport's. Mr. A offered some consolation and advised me to write in a complain via email. He could not put me on another flight and insisted that I purchased a ticket at the sales counter.
So if Mr. AL made the last boarding call at 0545 hours, which timing was he referring to? Are the clocks in the airport not synchronized? Did he mean to say that AirAsia check-in counters and sales counters had different timing?

I bought the ticket for AK7** on 4 August 2010 for RM44. This morning, I had no choice but to purchase a ticket on flight AK7** for RM267 plus RM30 to check-in one baggage. This difference of RM223 is no small amount for me. I am only a student awarded with a grant and bank loan to study in Singapore. Just to board a flight on AirAsia to Singapore has cost me RM341 in total. I have had the pleasure of flying with AirAsia prior without any complaints or regrets despite contradictions from family and friends about AirAsia airport services. This experience however, has left a very negative dent in my impression of AirAsia.

I would appreciate it if you could kindly look into this matter.

Regards,
Yours truly

cc. Dato' Sri Tony Fernandes

--

Thank you Jesus for Saral replying to my text. Apologies to Tze Ning for having to cancel lunch date. Anouncements via crappy microphones and rude security guards - are these to be Malaysia's trademark?

Yours truly: Excuse me..
Security guard: Apee?? *greatly annoyed look*
Yours truly: *holding in temper* Do you know where is the AirAsia sales counter?
Security guard: Go out and turn right.
Yours truly: Thank you. Ha kepala otak ko!! Apa?? Ko sorang je penat? P*****k c***i betul.

At least yours truly has Stitch under her hoodie for company. Oh, a reply has come. Does anyone know why yours truly chuckled at it?

Thank you for your feedback. Please rest assured that we have looked into your case matter and are in the process of resolving it as soon as we possibly can. We will also contact you IF there is a need for further clarification.

We thank you once again for your time and patience.

The airline that cares,
AirAsia

Yours truly can see the long week ahead. *sighs*

p/s: Notice yours truly's 1010 hours' delayed flight?

Dry Spell

2010-08-24T13:29:00.000+08:00

Nearly 3 months of a dry spell can definitely go on to 6 months or a year.. Maybe even longer. Much has passed and most importantly, I'm in Singapore now!

I was offered to enroll as a Bachelor of Arts in the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences (FASS) with National University of Singapore (NUS). Henceforth, I'm sticking with acronyms. They really do have a bunch of them here. Be warned. They may cause confusion or lack of understanding. I should know.

So here's the breakdown:

- I've been here a month.

- I will be here for the next 3 years to complete my studies.

- It may be 4 years if I get offered to do the Honours program. Yes, you have to be OFFERED.

- Then it's a cumulative 3 years of employment with a Singapore-based company as per stated in the T&C of the Singapore Government's Tuition Grant that I am taking.

- I was offered a shared room but was given a single room.

- I spent 6 hours in the Immigration & Checkpoint Authority* (ICA) building to obtain my Student's Pass.

- The neighbour opposite my room is an awesome Malaysian girl from Penang and buddy to Sherilyn Ooi.

- There are tonnes of friendly people here.

- I already have assignments due and TONNES of materials to read.

Basically, this blog is going to be filled with my time at uni and probably some of the random, weird, funny, shocking, enlightening, etc. encounters in my daily life. You should know. Normal never liked me.

I was all out for dragon boat but unfortunately, I forgot about my bloody knees and nearly got injured. So I had to pull out of the team. However, I still have the NUS Catholic Students' Society (CSS) and my hall activities. Plus, NUS Students' Union Voluntary Action Committee (NVAC) is recruiting and I'm waiting for a feedback. I really like the dragon boat team.. Although they really like jogging quite a bit.

Ey, you think I'm doing all these just for fun? It's a requirement by the university to be active in Co-curricular Activities (CCA) and obtain points. What does CCA points do? You have 1 year to accumulate a minimum amount in order to secure a place IN campus. Quoting a fellow classmate, "You're getting points so that you can PAY to stay on campus??" Needless to say, he's a local living with his parents in Singapore.

Anyways, I did join CCS and NVAC for fun. Fine. I joined all these for fun. The CCA points just happens to be there. Pictures are up in Facebook (of course). Oh, did I mention that my hall is just directly opposite my faculty where ALL my lectures take place? Of course, it's not possible to roll out of bed 15 minutes before class starts to get to class. Now, if only the exchange rate was abolished..

While doing laundry..

Guy 1: -singing a 4 second mellow Chinese (possibly love) song with emotion loudly-

Guy 2: EH, SHADDAP LA! -typical Chinese accent-

Note - there is no indication if they were from the same block or roommates.

* It could be wrong. Couldn't be arsed.

Period of Scrambles.

2010-06-03T23:46:00.000+08:00

Things have been picking up for me lately. Hectic would be an understatement. There's just so much to figure out and think about that I can't for the life of me, ever remember having so much to think about continuously. In your life, there are many pressing issues that I'm sure you're facing right now. You may be combating a giant or overcoming a hurdle in life. Whatever it is, I wish you all the best and may you get the best outcome (it may not satisfy but proves right in the long run).

I just want those who fervently read my blog to know that this blog isn't turning into a botched attempt. I have much on my mind and I cannot put it down in coherent words. I do not want to use the wrong terms in a rush to express myself and offend where no offense was meant. Plus, I'm not emotionally or mentally stable at the moment.

Just wait patiently for the next post and pray it will be soon.

Wishes & Hopes.

2010-04-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

We all have that don't we? It's not just some little girl's 'thang' to do. I bet little boys do to.. And of course, not so little boys and not so little girls. It's the one thing that we unconsciously do when we want something or need something. It's like holding your breath and hoping that the ballerina completes her pirouette in her debut without breaking her knee. It's when you pray for that missing child to be safe from the clutches of paedophiles and serial killers. It's when you think your heartbeat will miss a beat when you get the results from a long wait. Then, the wishing and hoping is ended when you exhale deeply.

The wait is over.

Many say that once the wishing and hoping ends, everything is finished. In my opinion, it has just begun. When wishes and hopes end, reality kicks in and your effort as well as willpower is your sustenance. Praying of course, helps. However, you can only wish so hard that you'll find that new spunky phone under the Christmas tree come December 25th. Effort - gently and not no subtly reminding your parents that that phone is to die for and weren't they 15 before??

Wishing and hoping to obtain something you never thought possible is effortless, really. It's like an internal monologue you can have with yourself anytime and anywhere. You don't see people physically abusing themselves while wishing and hoping for something with a slim chance to obtain. However, this could turn for the worse when you don't get what you wish for and then you get page 2 news of individuals committing suicide. These people have no idea how lucky they are to be able to live that long. To throw it all away because they've had enough of the disappointments in their lives is simply an act of cowardice. Chin up. Back straight. Butt out. Go through the obstacles, damn it! If only these wasted lives will give those unlucky babies a chance to live again. Cowards..

Basically (I know this post ~~seem~~ is very short) in my opinion, it's a crime against humanity to waste water, food, and electricity. It's a crime against God, your parents, and YOURSELF to waste your life. Obstacles are meant to make you stronger and a better person in life. If you doubt so, think about those times you had to fight for something so hard you thought that you'd die from the effort. Think about the friends you stood by when others were against them. Think about the attempts you made to cycle that crappy bicycle without those training wheels after falling multiple times and thinking that you could just lift that piece of scrap metal up and dump it in a dustbin. Go 'The Hulk' to say the least.

Everyday, we fight for one thing. Bit by bit, we edge towards what we've all been looking for. Eventually, some find it. Others, they could be sitting neck deep in it and still not realise they have it.

So the real question here is, what are YOU fighting for?

Giving Up.

2010-04-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

Such an easy thing to do. All you need to do is look at what others have better than you. What's the point in life then?

Fighting for something is even harder. Maybe I'll do that..

Or maybe I won't.

I've got time to decide. Until the last day, let's see how things go.

Because..

2010-03-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

... I know the differences.
... I understand the gullibility of my heart.
... I can see that you think me a kid.
... I acknowledge that romantic idiot in me.
... I believe that nothing is impossible.
... I cannot take another shattered glass.
... I am beginning to think about you constantly.
... I yearn for that thing you do.
... I may start crying for you.
... I promised myself that I will not let history repeat itself.
... I kept looking around just to have a glimpse of you.
... I have not fallen for you.
... I will find someone who is truly meant for me.
... I know the world will never stop spinning.
... I have the heart of a woman.

If this is what it will take for me to see the bigger picture, I will do it.

No more false hopes and monologues.
No more harbouring secret wishes.
No more thoughts.
No more conversations.
No more will I care.

Don't betray me. Stay still while I lay on the pillow and drift away.

Solid? Liquid? Gas? Gut?

2010-03-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

I believe this thing doesn’t let you know when you’ve had it. It settles in you and before you can do anything against it, you’re diseased. All of us treat it like wild creepers – so long as it doesn’t grow over the wall, why bother hacking it away? Then one fine day, it’s too late. The vine has gone over and it’s disastrously difficult to get rid of. Pulling at it only leaves you with bloody hands prickled by those awful thorns. You try some weed killer but apparently resilience happens to be its’ middle name. Out of ideas, you think, let it be. It’ll look like a natural garden decoration.

So it grows wild and free, and before you know it, you’re forced to do something about it – hack it, burn it, trim it or even spend hundreds or thousands of green on it to make it turn in your favour. Before your hair grows an inch, it’s back with a vengeance on your energy, effort, and most probable of all – money.

We don’t actually seek this thing out. Some actively do actually and they go through all sorts to get it. Some get this unknown high and settle for happily ever after. Realists realize (hence being called realists) that you still have shit to go through with this thing but they look at the pros at the end of the day and maybe the perks too. Personally, I had a piece of advice given to me that if I don’t seek it out, it’ll come to me eventually at its’ own pace.

It starts with fondness, unknown affections, and then you end up enamoured. Obsession may also be the end result if this thing isn’t handled with a sound mind or an ounce of logic. Then again, this thing has been given credit to make a person blind, make the world go round, and even change a man’s life. If you still can’t figure out what I’m talking about, it’s a 4-letter word that does NOT start with the letter F.

Maybe the reason why I’m writing about it is because I’m sick of people taking it lightly. I’m sick of people who play games in the name of this thing. I dislike people who say it to anyone just to get what they want or to get laid. Mostly, I hate people who take it for granted and abuse the privilege given to them by this thing. You still won’t be able to walk naked in -40°C though you have the intention when you have it, so use that God-given brain of yours to think.

There is this wonderfully talented and young singer who was discovered by Oprah, who sang a song titled ‘A note to God’. Unlike my annual imaginary letter to Santa, I wish I could deliver a note to mentioned, awesome person. I can settle with Post-Its too..

I’m still figuring out what I’m meant to do with my life. However, I know that no matter what hundreds of books tell me the ‘in’ thing or right thing to do is, I’ll do it my way, my style. I can think for myself and I don’t need to adopt the practice of another to end up lying to my true self. If you can’t accept me for who I am or treat me like an umbrella that’ll shelter you from rain and wind ALL the time, kindly get adopted by a female gorilla or admit yourself into a mental facility.

I heard both of these options offer you a lifetime of security and protection. Sounds better than insurance, no?

4 Parts + 1 Brick Wall

2010-03-23T22:55:00.000+08:00

It's been a funny day. There is no other way to describe it. To elaborate would bore you. Having 2 colleagues on MC within a small group is crazy. Alternating between 2 positions is confusing. I'm very sure I screwed up today. My turn in the queue of people for my boss to have a go at is coming pretty soon. The confusions today would have driven even Einstein to miscalculate his bus fare . However, I'm pretty sure I messed up something. It's like an itch you feel happening but hasn't happened yet.

If I was being monitored today, hooray, I'll definitely fail. Heck, the customers knew I wasn't in sound mind today and asked me, no, treated me like I needed help.

Customer: Ok, so what happens now is that I will sign in with my email right?
Yours truly: No, sir. You have to sign in with your user ID first before..
Customer: Yea, yea. I get what you mean. Then I sign in with my email when I get the reset password. Ok?
Yours truly: You have to sign in with the user ID first sir, then only you get to switch to the email ID. *punches air*
Customer: Ah, ok. So I put in my user ID and I'll get to switch it to the email address, right?
Yours truly: Absolutely right sir. Then, they will prompt you to do the switch. *thanks God*
Customer: Right. So my email address will be in the system automatically. So everytime I want to sign in I will have to use my user ID and email address? Hmm..
Yours truly: *gritting teeth and taking deep breaths*

Customer: I'm already in the website.
Yours truly: Ok madam. Please sign in first.
Customer: Done. *smugly* What next?
Yours truly: Do you see the 'Pay Bills' option at the top?
Customer: Top? It's just *bleep*, *bleep*, *bleep* and *bleep*.
Yours truly: Are you at *bleep*'s website madam?
Customer: Yes, yes. *annoyed*
Yours truly: Are you at www.*bleep*.com.my?
Customer: Oh, hold on. Let me get there. *momentary pause* Ok, now?
Yours truly: Yes, sign in to your account.
Customer: Ok. Can I have the username and password?
Yours truly: I'm sorry madam but we don't have the information for that. Have you registered for online banking with *bleep*?
Customer: I have to do that? No, I didn't. So?

Customer: I want to know where my card is.
Yours truly: Can I have your details first miss?
Customer: I requested for a replacement. It's not here yet. How long does it take for you guys to do it?
Yours truly: *checking* I'm sorry miss but no replacement request was made by you.
Customer: What do you mean no replacement??? I fax and email the form in to you so many times!!
Yours truly: I apologize miss. Do you remember who you spoke with? Did they promise you an immediate reply?
Customer: I got the reply by email that I would have gotten it in 3 days! It's been more than 2 months! What's going on??
Yours truly: That is the automated reply for you to receive a call or email from us miss.

Intense would have been an understatement. Then, my dad surprised me by coming to pick me up from work.

*on the phone*
Yours truly: Where are you?
Pa: At the traffic light. Where are you??
Yours truly: I'm at the bus stand. I don't see your car. *swivels head like mad*
Pa: AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHT. It's right across your building!
Yours truly: You know where my building is..? *remembers his previous failed attempt to locate the building*
Pa: Yes. I'm at the traffic light at the corner of Jalan P Ramlee and Jalan *bleep*.
Yours truly: Where is Jalan *bleep*?
Pa: The entrance to KLCC is right beside the car! I have my car signal on!
Yours truly: Err.. *squints eyes* Ah, I think I see you.
Pa: How many traffic lights are there??
Yours truly: One in front of you and 2 at your back..?
Pa: *calms down* Ish, told you right, opposite your building.
Yours truly: How'd I know that you know where my building is?

He subsequently developed a fever while in the car. I promise you, I wasn't praying or wishing anything like that. All I could think of was about bread. Then we made a stop at Guardian for some ActiveFast. We don't seem to have any sort of medication at home. Lots of chinese herbs though.. Dad was in Guardian for a while and joined me at King's to get some bread.

Pa: Here. *hands plastic bag*
Yours truly: What's that? *eyes suspiciously - what would a father get his daughter from a pharmacy?*
Pa: You and Mae each take one. It's a pepper spray.
Yours truly: *speechless* Huh?

*in the car*
Pa: Take one each. Don't forget to pass to Mae.
Yours truly: Ok.
Pa: Don't simply use it.
Yours truly: *wonders how one can simply use a pepper spray*
Pa: It costs me RM*bleep* each.
Yours truly: O_o''
Pa: Make sure when you're walking in a car park, hold it in your hand. Any unknown guy walks up to you just use it in his face and kick his balls. Then run.
Yours truly: O_O??

My parents have a tendency of saying the right things at the right time. It's not superstition or deja vu, trust me. I've observe the both of them enough to take a warning when they give one. It is NOT cool either. I don't want to use a pepper spray cos I was spooked by a guy walking towards me to get to the paying machine for the parking ticket that I just walked past! Plus, I'm sure I'd leave permanent damage.

Mae laughed hard when I told her that. I couldn't even manage a giggle. I ~~was~~ am tired. Speaking of which, it's Matthew's birthday tomorrow. Got to get him something by tomorrow evening. Plus, he introduced me to PETS. I think it's brilliant. I wish I could watch it everyday to cheer me up. I am also wasting my time wishing that we could have screenings of those in Malaysia. We don't even have reruns of Family Guy or South Park. What more PETS.. *sigh*

PS: Classified information = *bleep* If you're smart enough, you'll piece up the pieces on your own. Au revoir!

Spoon!

2010-03-21T16:43:00.000+08:00

I'm no good when it comes to thinking of 5 words or less for a description. Take for example the title of this post. I could reuse rantings, babble or even update. I suck at one liners too.

This post's title is a tribute to the mad hare in Alice In Wonderland the movie. I laughed so hard at the tea party scene I thought the cinema ushers would have man-handled me out. Unfortunately for you, I had no such story to tell.

There is this poster in this underground tunnel somewhere that I pass every week that states,

In life, I have friends. In the net, I have an audience.

It was an advertisement for bloggers under a particular broadband provider who's well-known for using the colour green. So my dear audience, I don't produce or publish the best entertainment around. Do not mind-psyche me to write posts. I only do updates. Entertainment can be found at Google or Youtube. Choose your pick.

Speaking of which, my first real, salaried job is at a call centre. Remember all those times I used to mention that I'd die doing a job that requires me to sit on my fat bottoms all day long facing a computer? It wasn't so bad at first. Now that a month has passed, I need the exercise. Soon enough, I'll fit perfectly into a 2-seater Smart car with no extra space.

STPM results was unexpectedly good. 1 A, 2 A- and 1 B+ was better than I expect. Even more so was the 3.67/4.00 pointer.

Congrats! So, what's next?
University of course but currently work to collect money.

Ah, what course are you looking at?
Communications and sociology. Leaning more towards communications though.

Oooh!! Where are you thinking of applying to?
Public universities, maybe HELP and *mumbles* Singapore.

Seriously??!! OMG, I hope you get it! When will you know the results?
Ha-ha. Yeah, thanks. Maybe in May.. *gets interupted*

You have to keep in touch! That'll be so exciting.. Have you planned what you're going to do there?
Yeah. Study, get a scholarship, keep an average or 3.5/5.0 pointer. Boring stuff.. *fidget*

Aww. I'm gonna miss you! Maybe someday we/I will be able to come down visit you.. *drones on*
*spaces out*

Tis the season every year for SPM/STPM/A-levels/Matriks students. Thanks for all the well wishes and good lucks. Oh, not to forget all the prayers too.

I'm out of interesting things to say. I'm making myself bored of me. By the way, have you heard? Universal Studios has opened in Singapore. Looking forward to dinner with my godpa, auntie, Jacq, Jill and dear ol' Matthew tonight!

This is a special shoutout to everyone in Chambersburg, PA. If you're not from there, this is where you stop reading, nosy. I miss you guys! I really wish that I can go back soon and give everyone of you a big hug. Unfortunately, God has something planned for me. I'm sure in His time, I'll be able to see everyone of you again. Know that all of you are always not far from my thoughts and prayers. I love you all!

Bull Feces.

2010-01-15T18:06:00.001+08:00

Man argued in the States to get God out of the school. No Bibles in school, no crucifix or rosaries in lockers and no daily prayers before kids recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Fair enough for me.

Man argued in Malaysia for exclusivity to use the name of God. Some Muslims argues that the name of God in Islam, A word, is solely for Muslims to use and non-Muslims are not allowed to use it verbally or in writing.

This argument, if you are living in Malaysia you can skip this paragraph, came about when Archbishop Murphy Pakiam was served a ban by the Home Ministry for usage of the A word in the Herald’s publication. The Herald is a weekly Catholic paper publication distributed for sale within Catholic churches that contain articles in the English, Bahasa, Chinese, and Tamil languages. Now, arguments have escalated from the mere ban of a word in a paper, to a ban on ALL non-Muslims using words which are associated with Islam.

Quoted from an article, 25 words and 10 expressions are protected under the ban. In another state, as many as 33 words and 15 expressions are under the ban.

Being a mere 19 years of age, my opinion doesn’t matter. I’m just a child exposed to matters concerning adults and the welfare of the nation. In short, I’m a worm in a world of dragons. I’ve read the blogs of famous icons in this country regarding this issue. I’ve seen interviews conducted and articles written of this issue. Matters of religion are sensitive and mere arguments can and has resulted in the damaging of places of worship. In the end, my opinion matters not to officials and big-shots that have the last say in everything.

I am disgusted, disappointed, and sick of the circus coming out of this issue. Why should I bother? I should just live my life as a law-abiding citizen and go through the motions of everyday life. I cannot do that. I cannot grow up in a country that has the leaders thinking it is their right to argue for God. I cannot risk my children coming home one day from school with a fine for using the A word in school to satisfy their curiosity. I cannot live in a country where when religious issues are brought to light, the torching of places of worship happens.

I am not disillusioned. There is no perfect place in this world but there comes a point where it is really too much. I love my God. Why can’t everybody accept the fact that at the end of the day, when you die, we return to our Maker. Not Makers but ONE maker. I do not think there is a Christian Maker, Muslim Maker, Indian Maker or Chinese Maker. We may worship differently but every single human on Earth will one day leave this place. Do you think you get to control where you end up in when you’re dead? Do you suppose arguing about ‘the exclusivity of my religion’ is going to place you in a higher level of heaven? No, you moron. It shouldn’t take a person back from the dead to tell you that either.

Many parents are doing their children injustice by arguing that they’ll be confused when non-Muslims are allowed to use the A word. Do you think children are that stupid? Are you dictating what your children should and shouldn’t think for themselves? I am insulted if my parents so as much give hints to such thoughts. I may or may not die with the religion I was born into. The clarity of my soul and faith is something between my God and me. I do not need my mama breathing down my neck to dictate my faith. My soul is mine.

Please tell me then, what should a Moral teacher say when we learn about the different beliefs in our country?

Teacher: Kita ada Buddha, Tuhan Ganesha, Jesus Christ, dan Tuhan.
Student: Tuhan?
Teacher: Ya, Tuhan orang Islam juga dikenali sebagai Tuhan.
Teacher: We have Buddha, Lord Ganesha, Jesus Christ, and God.
Student: God?
Teacher: Yes, the Muslim God is also known as God.

Does anyone besides me see how confusing this is? Does anyone realize how many textbooks in Malaysia will have to be reprinted? How many will have to be given back to publishers or burnt? Will we have textbooks for Muslim students and non-Muslim students then? Or will non-Muslim students not learn about the religion of Islam? Will we replace the A word with He-whose-name-we-cannot-say in conversations? UTTERLY RIDICULOUS!

I can see Voldemort turning in his fictional grave. Another name invokes more fear than his.

Starting 2010.

2010-01-07T02:02:00.000+08:00

Despite the title, I must give credit to 2009 for ending marvellously. I had so much fun celebrating the fact that I’m DONE with high school and I could do whatever shit I wanted; with a Cinderella curfew of course. Apparently even celebrations don’t forget that you’re girl in a dangerous world at night.

Christmas for the 2nd year in a row was celebrated with only my immediate family. I wanted to hang out with Jill and Val but Christmas is for family bonding so off I went to Gambang. If you don’t know where that is, it’s 30 minutes away from Kuantan town. Go Google Map it la lazy ass.

Disappointingly, this was the first year I didn’t enjoy Christmas mass. I didn’t even take communion. It was impossible to concentrate with parents’ being noisier than their kids who were running around the church premise. Irony:

*child running around chuckling*
Parent: *loud obnoxious voice* Stop making so much noise! SHHHH!!

Then came the highlight of my night, this handsome hero who swept me off my feet and planted a smile on my face for the entire weekend.

Hero: *hands clasped together in Indian greeting fashion and going around to everyone outside church building at midnight* Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Yours Truly: *smiles expectantly at her turn to be greeted*
Hero: *grins* Merry Christmas!
Yours Truly: Aww. Merry Christmas to you too!
Ma: *laughs* Ask him if you can give him a kiss.
Yours Truly: *grins while waiting for dear hero to turn around* *motions for hero to come closer*
Hero: *smiles* Yes?
Yours Truly: Can I give you a kiss?
Hero: *looks up at yours truly at 170 cm with heels on* But you so big la! *pausing in between words to nod head like decorative head-bobbing dolls do*
Yours Truly: *bends down and kisses both of hero’s cheeks*
Hero: *squeals in delight and laughs his 70cm self all the way back to his mother’s arms*

Have I mentioned how much I love kids? *grins* So my Christmas was saved most unexpectedly.

So the 4th club I entered in my life was Mist on 30th December. The drive was all right. Found good parking between the Nanyang Press and NSTP buildings. Felt that a good time was coming up because of the joviality in the air with the presence of Mae, Azril, Sue, Rodney and Chipmunk. We had reservations, everyone got in free even under-aged kiddo and the evening began.

I recommend the pink martini, vodka lime and tequila. Yummy stuff but I only a little of each because I was designated driver, hence, I couldn’t get drunk. Poor Chipmunk. If he wasn’t a dude, he could have gotten pissed drunk but he couldn’t because he wasn’t entitled to free drinks. Never mind kid. Better luck next time.

It was an enjoyable night though the club had a water-cut. Of course they provided water in the toilet through big containers. Best thing that happened that night – Mae and Sue got drunk. It was hilarious. One was so off her mind and the other puked constantly.

Drunken Girl #1: Hey, white guy! I should sooooooo go say hi or something. *giggles*
Yours Truly: As if.
Rodney: Yeah, he’s cute right?
Azril: *laughing at drunken girl #1* You sure you wanna do that?
Drunken Girl #1: Yes, why not? Hey, hey, I wanna know you. *hands flailing towards white guy’s direction*
Yours Truly: Dei, not so loud la. You want him to come over?
Drunken Girl #1: Hey, what’s your name?
*white guy’s friend turns with a frown*
Drunken Girl #1: *ducks head behind yours truly* Oops! *giggles harder*
Azril and Rodney: *laughing*
Yours Truly: Oh brother..

Drunken Girl #1: Hey, I wanna go dance!
Yours Truly: You serious? *watches her sway on feet*
Drunken Girl #1: Yea! Rodney and Azril are there!
Yours Truly: They’re in the toilet.
Drunken Girl #1: Oh.. *sits back down and puts head on table next to drunken girl #2 for a cat-nap*

Drunken Girl #2: *looks at air around her*
Friend: Are you ok?
Drunken Girl #2: Yeah, I’m fine. *head on table* *gets up and heads to toilet*

Friend: You sure you’re all right?
Drunken Girl #2: Yes la. *irritated* Stop asking. *gets up and heads to toilet*

Drunken Girl #2: *sits down on stool from another toilet trip*
Friend: Hey, you ok? *holds arm*
Drunken Girl #2: *glares the best she could drunkenly, pushes hand away, head back on table*

It was funny. Really, it was. Plus Mae and Rodney had a short argument about who spotted the white guy first which Rodney won. Fun was another word too. Rodney, Azril and I had this threesome start-off dance which FINALLY prompted those useless dicks at the side of the dance floor to start grooving ON the dance floor. Plus this girl in a red top was trying to get Rodney to dance dirty with her but too bad for her, Rodney just wasn’t interested. *evil smirk* Plus, I think I saw a famous TV3 field-reporter standing beside our table too.

We left early cos 3 of our entourage wouldn’t dance and with only 3 left, we decided McDonald’s it is to hang out and chat. Approximately 3.30am, we left due to a power-cut. What a shame.. We were enjoying our conversations which were getting a ‘lil too much for Chipmunk to handle. I wonder if he’s thoroughly corrupted now, that little boy.

The coming of New Year saw Mae and yours truly watching Sherlock Holmes. It was bloody good, IS and will be for you when you view it. Warning, you have to listen to them talking to get half the humour. Then we joined Azril, Rodney, Sue and Danielle at some cheap imitation of a club at Era Square and decided to head out to A&W for some American fast-food at 1a.m.

2nd day of 2010, we (Mae, Azril, Sue, yours truly, Jill and Val) met up at mamak for some drinks and to hold intelligent conversations. Sue of course had something else in mind. After I exclaimed at the bruise that Mae left on her right arm and turned around to listen to Jill enlighten me with some rumour, Sue decided to bite me on the back of the left shoulder. Until the post is published, the ugly bruise is still glaring to the eye in shades of red spots and black.

Ma: What IS that?
Yours Truly: Oh, Sue bit me at the mamak.
Ma: *frowns* Go and wash it.
Yours Truly: Yeah, it could be infected right? I know.

Dear rabid Sue, hope you enjoyed that bruise Mae gave you! BLEH.

My resume has been sent out and all I have to do is wait for prospective employers to call me for an interview. I’m hoping so. If it doesn’t turn out that way, I’ll work with my dad. Speaking of which..

Yours Truly: *sees pa calling* Hello?
Pa: Girl, where’s the camera charger?
Yours Truly: I don’t know. I haven’t seen it for months.
Pa: Know how to use but don’t know how to put it back! Get back home now and find it out.
Yours Truly: *hangs up and mutters* Which part of months he doesn’t understand? Put back where exactly anyways?
Val: What’s up?
Yours Truly: My dad called to ask me where the camera charger is.
Jill: *chuckles* He thinks you’re the lost and found desk is it?
Yours Truly: *laughs* He does. I gotta go. Be back as soon as I find it. *leaves mamak*

So here I am now in the 6th day of the new year and tomorrow I’ll be having a date with Shaffer Chimere Smith! I’m so excited my hands can start trembling if I think about it. Plus, I won an autographed copy of the album Year of The Gentleman from fly.fm. Excited doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings. So it’s off to Ne-Yo’s concert tomorrow!

Price of ticket: RM170
Venue: Sunway Lagoon Surf Beach
Concert Starting: 8.30pm
Outfit: Articles from wardrobe
Time of Departure: 3.30pm
Companions: Mae (who will meet up with Azril and Sue for a movie while I enjoy the concert)
Feelings and Satisfaction: PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first paid-for concert for an artist who I admire. How can I not be over the moon for this? I heard there’s an opening act by Najwa Mahiaddin, a Malaysian jazz artist. Also, opening act by Jadyn Maria, the first artist to sign up with Ne-Yo’s recording company who’s also following him in his Year of The Gentleman tour. Still contemplating taking pictures and dressing up. It’s good that Anne will be there although she admitted she’s no Ne-Yo fan. Her friend won 3 tickets worth RM260 from fly.fm and asked her along. Bitter? No, just slightly jealous but nothing’s fair in this world. At least I have company in there.

This is getting too long. Now be happy for me. I’m going to extremely delirious tomorrow. I’ll hit that flaming giant ball in the center of this solar system if I could go to Creations 2010.

20 – 20.10.2010: 289 days

Random facts.

2009-12-14T01:43:00.000+08:00

1. I'm done with all national examinations associated with high school.
2. The best of friends could have the worst of issues.
3. If you're not married to someone, STOP acting like you are! (I'm not referring to you Matthew dear. You're ALMOST family. ;P)
4. Having so much to do socially isn't VERY fun like some people say.
5. Exchanging stories about friends isn't the same with gossiping about people you know.
6. I like secrets but I don't share them.
7. Reading people isn't very hard.
8. I really hate cigarettes and its fumes.
9. Keep saying only love makes the world go round and I dare you to live without money for a month.
10. It's all work from now until March.

It's interesting how sometimes you think you know someone and one day you find out even more about the person. It comes to show that there is so much to learn about an individual that not even a couple married for 50 years may know each other through and through. This past month with STPM examinations going on has been quite rough. Academically, there wasn't an issue. It was the people and events taking place around me that really threatened to send me over the brink.

Firstly, dear beloved Heather Stouffer passed away a week before my examinations started. It is very hard for someone to lose a person you love so much half way around the world and not able to attend the funeral or even lay a flower down on the ground for him/her. I miss her so badly I thought I wouldn't be able to concentrate and study. Somehow, someone was keeping an eye on me. I turned up for the last day of school and the school counsellor gave a talk. I remember this particular line that she said to all the form 6 students who were there,

"There may be things that happen that causes sadness and grief to you. Push it aside first. Concentrate on your exam. You can come back to it and deal with it better after you are finished with your papers. You have worked so hard for 2 years. Don't let it go to waste."

It hit me so hard it made running into a wall dimmer by comparison. With 3 days left to go, I resumed my pace with Him gently nudging me in the right direction.

Then, Mae had problems with college. She was stressed to the max and she was on this murderous, raging spree if I could come close to describing it. I wished I could be there as much as I wanted to but everything turned out all right in the end. She's one tough cookie though she's all soft and chocolate-y on the inside. Yummy..

Friendship issues were next to pop up. I'm not referring to my friendship relations, Mae's or anyone but the events that took place made me take a step back to reassess my point of view on the word friend. It is still on-going and I truly wonder sometimes, will we mere human be able to fully understand something in black and white? Why do I see so much grey area?

With all these happening and facing books of facts to remember, it sure was a handful. I could go on and on about how God was there for me and guiding me to the end but I will sum it up. Thank you Lord. I can't put it any better.

I know people USUALLY do this whole monologue thing after the results are out and you KNOW how the monologue goes because you know what sort of result they've gotten. I won't conform and I'm confident in this knowledge. What knowledge? I'm sure that my results will reflect all the hard work I've put into form 6 since 2008. It has been 2 years full of trials and obstacles. Along the way, I've learnt some hard lessons and have been put in place.

Results will be good and I will be able to fulfill the purpose of my life. I do not ask for riches nor do I ask for a penthouse filled with everything I could ever want (though it would be nice). All I want is to see my parents' faces when I show them my results. SPM was a failure I admit and I'm sure I have redeemed myself with STPM.

So please, oh please, oh please, oh please, PLEASE, pleeeeeeeease, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee let my results be good.

By the way, Christmas is on the way. Done your shopping yet? I'm 80% done and torturing Mae about her Christmas present is simply amazing. Anybody interested in perfecting their present wrapping skills?

5 months ago
Pa: Do you want a Viva?
Yours truly: No, I want our Viva back.

2 months ago
Pa: I'll get another Viva.
Yours truly: Nevermind la. Why go through all the hassle? *secretly hoping*

Now
Peter: When did you change the car? Didn't you have like a Viva or something?
Yours truly: A couple of months back. Oh yea, have you ... *new topic which isn't any of your business*

Publish Time: 11:30 PM

2009-11-20T01:37:00.001+08:00

This is a superfuckingmassive update. Do not say you weren’t warned.

Today, I’ve successfully created a mountain-high pile of eraser rubbings, answered 10 Math questions and read an interesting email from my mother.

Yesterday, my emotions made me crazy and I dreamt 3 separate dreams which boosted my feelings of success and something else...

On Halloween, I attended my first ever concert (The All American Rejects), stood for almost 7 hours straight, drank 7 cans of drinks, peed in a portable plastic toilet booth and couldn’t sleep from the amazing ringing and headache received from standing right in front of many loudspeakers.

The eve of Halloween saw my first Halloween costume party, a text message calling for holy hour during the party, wonderful cupcakes, my first “You’re hot” compliment verbally received and my cackles in the haunted house. I felt a hand moving up my left leg while moving through the rows of chairs and “I shaved today! HAH!” almost spewed out.

Somewhere in October, I went to my first fun fair with Jill. It sucked. It was expensive. It was bloody lame. I should have gone 10 years ago.

I should be studying. It’s an effort to move from here to the table though. I’m cheating on the exercises. I peek at the answers then I write my answers out. God will punish me for not utilizing my brains to its fullest. I KNOW! But I also know He’s helping me in small ways.

I want to write about something interesting but I take time, which I don’t have now. I’m not a wonderful writer. I can’t whip a piece of writing out like I do fried eggs. I’m handicapped in that area. I’ve never had my fiction work published. My first came out 2 weeks ago at the back of my form 6 memory book. The ending wasn’t to my liking. ‘Someone’ I know modified it. I don’t like him. He thinks he’s the local likeness of Amir Khan at 20. And he nags. TOO MUCH.

At this point of my life, I’m worried that my hand will shiver when I hold the pen next week. I contemplate the odds of sitting for an exam in a hospital. I push away all thoughts of filling up forms for universities, scholarships, and loans. I talked to my mum about application to a famous local university and applying for an international scholarship.

Ma: Huh? What’s the point of entering in July when you’re applying for an international scholarship? *pauses for A FEW seconds* If you do well?
Yours truly: I’ll apply for the January 2011 international intake. I have 3 months before the public university intake. I’ll phone them and what not.

So my ma has that much confidence that I’ll do well for this exam. Well, I do too! Somehow that certainty dies with thoughts of studying abroad. I tell myself though, I will visit mum, the brats and everyone in Christian Life Assembly next year! Then Joyce reminds me of the visa interview. Shit. My ma and I also talked about hotel politics for a moment. Then, we got distracted by participants from JHEAT. Sounds cool and flirtatious right? It’s the acronyms for Jabatan Hal Ehwal Agama Terengganu.

I see Isaac arranging something on the living room floor through the door crack. Interesting... Dominoes? Possibly. I’ll go check on him and get back to the set of Math questions. I just remember that I came across something which intrigued me on Facebook. I’m not sure what my feelings are on it. It’s a jumble. I should not think much about it which I did. Now, I should do it again. My world is topsy turvy or rather; my mind is at the moment. I don’t have a good line to end this post with. *sigh*

My Birthday.

2009-11-06T18:08:00.001+08:00

It was relaxing. The dinner at Chambers in S2 was all right. What sucked was that night. I came home, came online as usual and before I slept, I felt a little hot. So I ignored it and went to bed, anticipating school the next day. That morning was hell. It felt like somebody blew hot air at me the whole night. I was running a temperature so to the doctor I was asked to go.

Doctor: You have to drink lots of water. I'm giving you 2 days MC.

By Thursday, the fever and headache wasn't letting up so it was another day off school. It wasn't fun. I had the dinner on Saturday night I sure as hell couldn't even walk straight. The shopping trip to Tesco with my mum was blurry and I had to lean on to the push cart to balance myself. So if I was going to be that sick on Saturday, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL??!!

Luckily, everything was much better on Saturday morning. That night was fantastic too. Joyce knitted me a winter scarf in alternating purple and white colours. She's such a doll and I love her to bits. Jill and my godpa got me a Touch N' Go card with RM50 in it. It was the newest card with the One Malaysia concept and in blue colour. I was speechless. I definitely wasn't expecting that from them.

Michelle gave me a custom-made doll that looks exactly like her! It serves to remind me about her of course. Why else would she give me a present? My classmates got me 2 story books which were such enjoyable reading material. Another classmate gave me those solar-powered plants with the moving leaves. My parents gave me the customary ang pau.

Up to that day, it was so damned fun. October definitely was my month. Argh! I'm out of babble time. More to come!

18 more days to STPM.

Observations.

2009-10-13T22:08:00.001+08:00

I love Mae. Truly, I do. She makes my days interesting. I don't know what will happen once she moves out like Mag did. I won't hear stupid comments or watch her utterly idiotic antics on a daily basis that reminds me time and time again, how lucky I am that I am me and not her.

Mae: Why didn't you make the U-turn???
Yours truly: There's a traffic police there!
Mae: Where??
Yours truly: THERE! Plus I didn't see a U-turn signboard.
Mae: There was a U-turn sign at the back! HEYOH!! Who cares about that fella la?? He's too busy directing traffic to bother about looking at you k?? He gets violated everyday la k?!
Yours truly: O_O"
*a few seconds of silence before yours truly bursted out laughing like mad*

So today was my first fine dining experience. It was weird having to sit alone at a table for 2 with an empty seat facing you. It wasn't much fun eating so slowly either but it really made me savour the food. The prune and raisin chutney was fantastic with the lamb though it doesn't sound tempting. Words can be deceiving. I should know that..

I'm gonna deviate from what I usually post about and pen down my observations today.

1. Times Square is so full of westerners and I'm not being racist!
2. I saw many items that I wanted to get on SALE but I didn't even step into the shop premise.
3. A really cute guy smiled at me and he had a dimple! *melts*
4. Then I saw him taking a smoke and it was as if someone flipped a switch off.
5. Mae is a piss pot when it comes to directions.
6. Sleep is so important to me that I can space out while driving.

Hmm.. It's no different than my usual post isn't it? Who am I kidding. I rant too much. Andy, you're right. This shouldn't be a blog. This should be a rant site. Oh, it is already a babble site. *smirks*

ARGH. Back to school tomorrow but we have a 5 day break come this weekend! Can't wait.. Oh.. It's gonna be a studying break. Damn it. I hate this new colour options. It's so limited and my favourite navy blue is gone. #&$^@()$%^!

Ultraman.. Spiderman.. Batman.. Cicakman..

Frustration.

2009-10-06T22:24:00.003+08:00

You know what guys do that really pisses me off? Say one thing and mean another. THAT really sends me over the edge! I try to be rational and say, "Hey, girls do that ALL the time!" but I'm not one of those girls who do that unless I'm lying to your face for a stinking good reason. I don't think I do that to people around me and I sure as hell would appreciate it if people, guys especially do NOT do that to me. Do you understand how utterly frustrating it is? You try to spare the other person's feelings but you put yours on the line instead. I'm no hero, I'm a girl and I wanna effing cuss wherever and whenever I feel like it!

Take for example, [I'm not saying this is my personal experience] a guy tells you that he likes you and he tells you on an everyday basis although you've told him everyday that you don't like him back in that special way. Even your friends come up to you and ask why you wouldn't accept his proposal in a very serious manner too. Later, somebody asks this guy while you're in a big serious group discussion about his ideal girl. This guy proceeds by describing his ideal girl as the total opposite of you. Not once, twice, but numerous times. So you're wondering, is this a diversion tactic or is that really his genuine preference? You know you're not interested in the guy, so why won't he leave you alone?

Later, you finally think, oh well, let's just give it a try. Then when you think you're ready to do it, another discussion starts and he goes on to describing his ideal girl as the total opposite of you again. WHAT THE HELL. How do you not feel frustrated with that? As a girl, there is always something about us physically that we are aware of and we want to change though we won't publicly admit it. So when that spot is described as a lack by someone else, automatically, clamming up is the solution.

I've been very narrow-minded lately. I've made so much qualifications that I'm surprised I've not listed it all down and made a check-box beside it. I want my guy to be this and that and those and yeah, maybe these too. But no matter what I tell myself, when I meet someone I fall in love with, how he looks or how he dresses will not change the fact that I'm in love with that person. I'll nag him for the way he drives or make him clean his room every month but that doesn't mean that I love him less. It's really very subjective and there's no one way to love someone. If there was, I'd have to find more interesting things to occupy me!

I'll definitely check a guy out if he's cute physically. Don't lie now. We're all attracted to people who are physically good looking. The moment I know of his personality, traits, intentions and thoughts, that really defines whether I'll go on with the friendship and develop it or maintain it as a friendship or realize that he's just a jackass. I realize though that I only have a handful of guy friends and each one of them are unique. I don't know what goes through their mind and I can't honestly say I know their train of thoughts but what I do enjoy, is my conversations with them. No pretense, no demands. Just plain chit chat. I still don't understand guys but I do know a little about their habits, habitual attitudes and actions. It is still rational to say that a guys' actions portrays his character. Don't be fooled though. In this day and age, darling, you'll most probably be conned dead for believing that.

So, I'm not searching or looking for my knight yet because the search is not top priority at the moment for me. Mae though, should be on the track and should be made to stay there. I've had enough of her laments. Maybe, I'll get caught unawares one day. Hopefully, I'll be surprised cos I never saw it coming. One thing I know for sure, it isn't anytime soon. Stand between me and STPM, and I'll help you into a coma. So stay clear, suckers. Take all your honey-sweetened words and save it for your first night.

Explicit.

2009-10-02T16:59:00.002+08:00

Girls,
we do feel like plucking the eyeballs off men who stare too much at our assets, right? But when we express it out, people would say, Well, you shouldn't have attracted his attention in the first place. Wear something loose-fitting if it bothers you so much. Stop showing off your curves. And when we do that, Oh my goodness! What on earth are you wearing? It's so unflattering. You look like an auntie.

Boys,
not all pretty girls will snub you when you say hello. A simple smile would also suffice. It is true though that boys tend to notice only pretty, attractive or fashionable girls that catches their eyes. Don't deny it. Even girls tend to notice only the attractive guys. It's human nature to like something that is physically attractive. Look up researches done.

Humans are actually ugly. You and me, us and them. It shouldn't really be a shocker to you. We all want things that pleases our eyes and desires. Even men/women who look for 'companions' tend to choose those that is physically gorgeous or those that say the 'right' things. No, I did not go and have not gone looking for men companions before. I wish I could say the same for the future but nobody really knows what the future holds for them isn't it?

Like what the character in The Ugly Truth said, Nobody wants to hear it but the truth is simply ugly. So to cover this 'ugliness' we all have created what we expect of our future and what we want. There are also some who work hard towards reaching that target which we have set for ourselves. Maybe most of the human population. Those who merely amble along and are satisfied with the meager achievements in life like say, getting a driving license, are regarded as goal-less and simply, a country bumpkin.

We all love the unknown. Our sense of curiosity is ticked by one thing or another - a dare by a friend, gossip, a suspicious sound, etc. Being curious is a common trait and just like the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat. Then again, we believe that cats have 9 lives but when they are run over by a car, where did the remaining 8 went?

Contrary to what guys perceive, a girl doesn't notice you not because she's oblivious to her surroundings; it's because she notices that you've been trying, and failed to covertly observe her when you think she's not looking. Every human has the same vision field. Women's aren't any different from men's just because we are of a different gender. If you thought so, you obviously failed your Biology or lost your common sense.

When a girl likes your attention, she'll let you know. If she doesn't, move on. Girls are also born shy. You won't find many girls looking back at you, smiling with invitation, giving you the green light to come over. A leading person in feminism research said that most females are made to be subservient by society. Males are predominant and we should bow down to their rule. Well, not as dramatic as that but it goes along that line.

So when you constantly catch the girl looking at you, go up to her and say hi. And please, be sincere about it. Your tone at your first sentence will determine how the conversation proceeds or if you are ignored. Every female has built in intuitions which develops into what we usually dub it as, woman instincts. So if all you want is to get laid, she would know. No matter how smooth you are, she knows. Even giving her a ride, bringing her 'somewhere' or getting her drunk, will have rung the alarm in her head - this is leading here. Just because she gets into bed with you and wakes up the next morning shocked, it doesn't mean that she never saw it coming. Unless, we are talking about a young innocent who doesn't even know what a man wants with a naked woman.

What's the point of me rambling about this? I feel that guys deserve to know what goes on in a girl's mind. We don't just talk about the hottest celebrity with that rock-hard abs or the latest fashion for size 0 models. Behind every female, there is a romantic, tender-hearted girl who yearns to be loved. Everyone has their secret undoubtedly. Some men may prefer sexual partners of the same gender, partners who are WAY younger than them, partners who are into different practices and so on. Just like them, women too have their preferences. Do not judge the female gender harshly if they do not conform with society's expectations.

Physical punishments can fade with today's modern technology but we can never say the same about emotional damage. I believe that the human psychology is quite frail. We never know what will make you go off the edge. One thing I know for sure, non-conformists who aren't strong enough, will be murdered under society's observation. Anything beyond the norm will and can make a person a target. Try this for experimentation - wear dark-coloured lipstick everyday. Even when you read this, I bet that you are thinking, Whoa! Extremism! See how society has already made you a conformist?

Who are to say what is normal and what isn't? Are we really here in the world to judge others? They say, that to survive, we must clearly define black and white. What happens when black and white start to blur around the edges when they come into contact? Buy a can of paint and define one colour? So who actually decides which colour to get? How far should you colour?

I admit, I'm imperfect. I let society dictate to me what is right and wrong. I follow the rules and morals that has been set. Yet, inside, I scream for society to leave me be. Let me do whatever the hell I want. Outwardly, I will constantly be subservient but rebellious inside, I will always be.

I have expectations admittedly but most of the time, I let my expectations fade way and accept whatever comes my way. Am I happy with this insufficiency? Maybe. Perhaps. Maryann = most likely to go off the deep end one day. PROBABLY. My questions are endless and I usually travel alone to get my answers. I don't question why we should have this number of chromosomes or why do the planets revolve around the sun because I can Google these questions or ask any prominent and experienced teacher. I want to know why individualism isn't accepted in society, why is wrong and right always portrayed as black and white, why can't the whole world just comprise of one country, etc.

Take up philosophy, somebody said. No, I do not want to study double meanings. I want a straight forward answer. But that's impossible isn't it? No matter how much society tries to make us alike, we will never be. Simply because you and I are 2 different individuals. Anything not natural like clones, do not fit into this context. Why do we need 10 of the same person? Don't be selfish. You can duplicate all you want but your spirit and your soul can only belong to One. If it's time, move on. Over-populating the world really isn't a brilliant plan. Haven't you heard that one day, the blackboard filled with scribbles will be wiped clean?

2 wrongs doesn't make a right.

Space.

2009-09-27T19:56:00.004+08:00

So little girls and little boys, what do we really know about death? Are we certain that we will all die one day?
Yeeeeeeeeees, teeeeeacher.

Do you know how you will die?
Noooooooooo, teeeeeacher.

Will you stand in death's face and courageously accept your fate?
*silence*

That's what I thought as well. We all talk about death and we all face death almost on a daily basis but it is never a solid threat to us. It is always happening to this aunt or that naughty little boy who ran across the road after a stupid football, etc. We talk about their deaths. We talk about death. But can you stand up to death, knowing It is there for you, look It in the face and say, "I've had a good life, I'm ready. TAKE ME! (for those who adores Jim Carry's theatrics)" honestly?

No, this is not a morbid post. Nor is it an intellectual post that requires you to think so deep in your brain which makes drilling a hole through titanium look easy. I am just wondering how swiftly and how near we are actually to death.

I remembered last month when yours truly was down at Gambang for some relaxation. On the 3rd morning I was there, my dad told me that a worker was hit by a lorry while crossing the main road into Gambang Resort. The unlucky chap had his brain mashed at the scene. And to think that it could have been one of the hand few of staffs who were there that I smiled and thanked for doing a deed. True to my nature, I didn't find out who the employee was.

STPM is about 2 months away and I do not want another freaking out episode to occur again. Mid year examinations was bad enough. Trials was barely made through. My head hurts..

I wanna watch CSI and play all the CSI computer games. I was supposed to buy the avatar PS2 game dvd also but I forgot totally about it and chose instead to read lots of books and sleep. I actually voluntarily stayed away from the internet for more than a week! BOO-YAH!!

Where Got Ghost? is a so-so movie. I prefer cute G-Force any day honestly. Poop in his hands! Poop in his hands! I've got tan lines again!! *screams in frustration* I like my tanned look. I'm never gonna settle for milky white like my fellow Asian counterparts.

STOP BEING SO OBSESSED ABOUT BEING WHITE! IF YOU WERE MEANT TO BE WHITE, GOD WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU WHITE PARENTS!

It's such a backward perception that only white, smooth, porcelain-like skin is the epitome of beauty. BULLSHIT. I sound so feminist. *claps in glee* I'm no hard-core feminist either. Don't get me wrong. Beauty is like water - some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it in the pot, 9 days old. Oh wait. That's a rhyme about porridge.

What I meant was, everyone drinks water at different temperatures - 57°, 100°, 0° or 27° and that is their choice. You can't force an ah-ma to take water at 10°. She'll probably knock your head with her cane and complain to your mother about you, the disobedient child who thinks that he/she knows better than the elders. Bla bla bla. All the fuss kicked up. *rolls eyes*

Tastes and opinions, like the seasons, they change. Nothing is permanent in this world for crying out loud! When will people actually get that through that thick skull of theirs?? Even old traditions will one day adapt the new or give way to it. It's either this or that or those. However you look at it from whatever angle.

You know, I would really prefer a life time of reading. Just lazing in bed and reading which was what I did on Saturday until it was time for church. Nevertheless, I will never be satisfied with just that. There is so much in this world that is waiting for me to go out and reach it! I want to see as much of this world as I can. Maybe 5 centuries later, somebody will be lamenting to see as much of this universe as possible. Hrmph!

My birthday is coming up and to hell with plans. I'm doing it my way - I go *charlie's angels pose @ posing maut* with the flow. It'll be extra special next year! Even my mum sounded excited about it. I think. Until she made a comment and spoilt my mood of elation temporarily. I still think next year is awesome! 2010 will be a year never to be forgotten! Not that 2007, 2008 or 2009 is useless or anything.

Yeah, I babbled again here because I had no topic in mind, I had no urge to write and I felt that I had to write something for those who actually reads my blog.

This is dedicated to you all.

It's unbelievably hard to love you but I love you anyway!

Cheers while I struggle into bed marking the end of my holidays. ='(

Bummer.

2009-08-17T01:16:00.002+08:00

Tis the season! Education fairs, long thinking hours, hyperventillating while thinking about your future, etc. You get the picture. =)

My mind's one big mess up there and nothing helps! The NZ education fair today was so-so. I was expecting more booths but unfortunately there weren't many. Lucky for me, I stumbled upon AUT. Unluckily, I saw the invisible strain on my parents. I dislike being so aware of all these things that I should ignore like any other ignorant teen. ARGH!!

All right. This whole post is crap. I just wanna let people who read this blog know that I'll be away for a LONG time. Please refrain yourselves from spamming the C-box with 'Where are you?', 'Updates!', 'Hello. Where's news?' comments. I know you guys love me and the feeling is mutual too but comment flooding will not help. You'll get sporadic replies of course. Erh.. That's about all. Back to real life now. Shoooo!

Hectic.

2009-08-15T00:13:00.004+08:00

"We pick our favourite chubby-ballers." Holy shit! What is that supposed to mean?? But of course, there's a picture of Ronaldo [if I'm not mistaken] and that Maradona dude me thinks.. So all's well. *grins*

Ah. It's time for exams. Trials are next month and things are really starting to pick up in the annoyance factor. Not to mention being tired the whole damn day although I don't do anything productive at all besides my basic human functions and necessities. Bummer.

It's also interesting to jot this down that I'm beginning to observe even tinier details which are irrelevant to the bigger picture. Nevertheless, it occupies my mind - almost obsessively. Don't get me wrong. It's not bad stuff but when I put it in words, it's easily misunderstood. Like the word kissing which will bring about 101 images in your head about right now.

There's also the Nilai College Prom - Night of Illusions [sorry if I got it wrong Joyce-y] which was a success in my opinion. They even had Free To Fall performing for them! If you have no idea who they are and you're Malaysian, please do yourself a favour and check them out. If that doesn't work either, look up Wikipedia of Google them. Either one works.

THIS IS ONE BIG HUG FOR JOYCE! I LOVE YOU WOMAN!

*yawns* Time to hit the sack and lull myself to sleep with my obsessive thoughts. Just a question to ponder on aye?

What if you realize you're this pendulum that swings with decisions as your feelings dictate it? You have your stands but your heart, urge, lust [call it whatever you want] is just getting irrevocably stronger. What if you find yourself making decisions and imagining things that you should not and would not have done?

Hmm... More ramblings soon. Send my love to your bored-out genes.

Thoughts.

2009-07-14T21:20:00.000+08:00

I would really like to post logical and useful stuff on my blog but apparently, those deep thoughts I have when waiting for Mae at the bus terminal or while driving, flees from memory when I face my computer. Is this typical? I know I'm not the most talented writer around the block and my MUET results were sure proof of it.

Fluent; appropriate use of language; few grammatical errors.
- Which means when I have to talk in front of examiners impromptu, I suck.

Good understanding of language and context. High ability to function in the language.
- Did I miss something? Did the English Language suddenly became a survival necessity? WHEN??

I was.. Who am I kidding? I am disappointed with my writing results. A measly 65 out of 90. It's not good enough for me. It also tells me that I cannot write fiction without 3 days of research and editing. Ha! Nevertheless, I am satisfied with my overall achievement.

Yours truly: Oh, yeah. I got my MUET results today.
Mae: Really?? What you got?
Yours truly: 5.
Ma: Waa! Can go out and celebrate!
Pa: What? 5 what? I thought there's a 6. No 6?
Yours truly: *glares* No.
Mae: Are you going to resit? *worried*
Yours truly: What??? You nuts?! It's good enough for me k?
Ma: Yah, no need to be kiasu. So we must go out and celebrate!
Pa: Aiya, not 6 ah?
Ma: She doesn't want to be sick ma. So no 6.
Pa: Never mind la. Still 5. OK la.
These whole conversation took place in less than a minute.

Bugger. It's like having 10 instruments of different tunes playing at the same time. See how my parents can criticize and then say something nice in 10 seconds? That's why I love them. And thank you dear Jesus for blessing me with parents who tells me chocolate makes me fat straight up and still buy chocolate bars for me. *grins*

Oo! I remember something now. I was thinking about how adaptable Malaysians are at picking up accents. The Aussie slang, the American accent, the Brit accent, the Texan drawl and all them other sexy accents.. Yum. I'm not sure if I read it in a newspaper or heard it on the radio, a foreigner said that he was impressed with the ability of Malaysians to pick up accents and slang quickly. It was a compliment, trust me. He wasn't trying to be funny and insulting. What THAT tells me is, we are natural copycats. We are the reason copyright laws were legalized and carried out worldwide. Aren't you glad you're Malaysian?

So as I was nibbling on Mister Potato's Turkey & Sour Cream chips, [they are good!! don't let the weird flavour turn you off] I realized that my room was so much more spacious. I'm not sure if I should redecorate my room. I will be getting rid of books come December and then I'll have even more space! By the time the packet of chips was empty, I decided, no. Maybe not. But what I have to do is get rid of old clothes that I hardly wear anymore and decide if I should sell my story books, rent it out or just keep them. Put them in chest and bury them in front of the house. But we'll be moving back to Kuantan by the end of next year and I'll hafta dig them up again. Hmm..

By the way, Ica is not staying with us anymore. She decided to switch host family.

So, I've been craving for story books! I need to read! But I'm not getting my homework done. I realized, I like maths but I suck at it. I'm simple, really. I really do like maths! Nyargh. I'm getting sleepy. I have to finish those few questions and then jump into bed.

I need to catch up with mates too! Siew Chin was back last couple of weeks and I never got to meet up with her. Muru is also done with his foundation studies and I've yet to see him around RJ. Should hang out there more often?

Oh ya! The wedding is coming up on August 1st! I can't wait til then!! Must try my coloured contacts too. Exciting, exciting month! But dead broke too.. Anybody doesn't want their spare change? I collect them.

You are the only girl I want. Babe, please say you'll try. I know they say that there is a girl out there for every guy. You are the one for me. Things will work between us. I know it will. I'll treat you right and you'll never regret you met me.
Yours truly: Of course there is. The ratio is 4 girls for every 1 guy. You're most probably bullshitting to 3 other girls too at the same time. I'm already regretting I even replied to you. Are all guys this predictable when begging? You're bugging me. SHOO!! *flicks*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIEW CHIN!! *hugs* lots of hugs & kisses for you babe! ;)

Hatred.

2009-07-09T21:16:00.000+08:00

Remember what they sang about not looking back in anger?

I'm admitting and not sorry about being NOT man enough to do it. In fact, I shall be angry for all I want at all the manipulative, scheming, lying, backstabbing, whinny, pathetic, two-faced pariahs in my life. Get a life. Nobody wants you around if all you want to do is use people to your advantage.

If you don't like the truth, run away screaming and tearing your guts out. I DON'T CARE.

Revenge is a dish best served cold. I rather up-end the big pot of boiling hatred all over this stinking destitutes and scald them to kingdom come. I'll do salt-rubbing when it's cold and the sores make you wanna suck your thumb and call for your mummy.

Go away. I rather hang out with autistic kids for life than spend another minute around you. Do one kind deed left in your miserable life and GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.

I'll most probably look back at this and think, "Oh! I was too harsh." but right now, that's what my heart wants to say. Count sheeps if you can't handle the truth. Virtual reality should be YOUR life. Eat, sleep, shit in it. Hibernate in it.

When you wake up, the world has already seen better days and you should just return to dust from whence you came from and what you are made of. In short, gi mampos la for all I care.

This Week In History.

2009-06-27T21:17:00.000+08:00

This week saw the death of the King of Pop, a talented performer, an extraordinary singer, a walking legend. His death was a hard blow to the gut especially to many who least expected this quiet yet strong-willed man who survived the many criticisms of his eccentricity to lose to an unexpected cardiac arrest. Comments had been made of his frail health while practicing for his comeback tour in London. It was expected to be the comeback of the millennium surpassing even dear ol' Britney and the anticipated and under-planning tour by T.Turner.

In the words of the DJ on hitz.fm, "If wasn't because of MJ, I'd never have been into music." My mum introduced his song to us through Light & Easy and I remembered wanting to be like him and singing like the Jackson 5. I was never a huge fan of MJ although some of his songs had special memories for me - heal the world, a singing favourite among my gang of primary school friends; billie jean, a cheerleading performance in high school; black and white, trying to 'ow' MJ style with my sister. The amazement when I first saw him moonwalking and the way he performed with every inch of his body soon faded away, taken over by the 90's music of Britney, C.Aguilera, and boy bands.

When MJ made headlines with paedophilic charges, I was among one of the few who remained neutral and agreed that if he was guilty, he should be charged but if he was innocent, they should leave him be. That circus of a trial made me disgusted with the way the media fed off his eccentricities and exploited his every move, every look, and every word. I turned a deaf ear since to any MJ-related trials. Until this day, I can honestly tell you, I have never Google-d or find out the decision of any of MJ's trials. I did hear about them forcing MJ to sell off Neverland. Like the trials, I didn't want to dig deeper. It made me disgusted that we would readily dissect every inch of a man who was placed in the limelight and missed his childhood as we would Ted Bundy.

Words cannot begin to describe the feelings of unsuspecting people like yours truly who least expected this to happen on 26 June 2009. My first thoughts upon hearing this piece of news at 6.45a.m. on hitz.fm was on a dear friend, who is well known and made it clear to everyone that Michael Jackson was, is and will forever be her idol, love, and world. If my feelings were indescribable, heaven knew how she felt at such a tremendous loss. Nevertheless, she has penned down most of her thoughts and feelings into this note in facebook beautifully.

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=97784322388&ref=mf

This week wasn't very kind to yours truly either. Getting down with fever and viral flu-like symptoms wasn't especially comfortable with the swine flu short of being declared an epidemic. Even now, with the meds finished, it feels as if something still isn't right. Internally. Mentally, it has been a long time coming. *shruggs* In short, this week was a bad week for school to reopen as nothing went in my head. Felt like a photocopier. Brains not needed. 'Please do not bring your brains to school' Week. Tadaa!

Had a heart to heart talk with Jill this week too. It felt.. I'm not sure how that felt. It feels the same but I'm glad I had the chance to talk to her. I wished Val could be here too and that things were different with Banu. Things are changing and I'm changing. Maybe some things were just not meant to stay together. Even Ica has some issues. Ma, Pa, and Mag too. Everybody has issues! Ha-ha. Observation of the year. I really don't want to take anymore shit from people. I'm done being a wash rag for cleaning up people's emotional outpourings and being nice while saying things that only comfort but does not present reality precisely. Because of that, some have dubbed me cold, changed, or just ran away crying or ignoring me.

Here's a thought - I DON'T FUCKING CARE. SOD OFF! My life would be so much better and less complicated without all the dramas. Period.

Definitely not a positive or happy week but I did have moments to enjoy.

JoyceC says (9:37 PM):
no lar, I'm just waiting for someone I trust to bring m
JoyceC says (9:37 PM):
*me
JoyceC says (9:37 PM):
one of them being Burn
JoyceC says (9:37 PM):
and You

I love you Joycey!

Jill: I tell you, her people *frantic hand gestures*..
*pauses for 5 seconds*
Jill: .. I mean kids her age..
Yours truly: *LMAO*

Unblogged.

2009-06-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

It just struck me a few minutes ago that I've not blogged about many things. E.g. Singapore 2008 trip, Indonesia 2009 trip, smart topics, and the conversations I have with myself while doing all those multiple chauffeur duties.

Nevertheless, I don't feel that up to rehashing all these wonderful memories. *stretches languidly* I have Jill to remind me of the one week awesome-ness in Singapore and I have memorabilia [mostly tickets - made me realize how much stuff we have to pay for just for a trip to ruins @ world heritage sites] from Jogjakarta.

Anywhoo, I wanna tell you guys about Adibah Amin! Yes, I hear you saying "Who..?" and for those seasoned listeners, "*sigh* What strange book/author has she read up this time?" Shame on you if you have any of those thoughts running through your mind. If you didn't, YOU LIE. *snorts*

Back to this lady, she is a female duh! Malaysian author. Let me tell you, her narrations are simply fantastic and her wit makes it impossible for you to not smile while going through her book. This lady is 73 this year! Do your own calculations. I've read 2 of her books so far and her point of view is vastly different and very nonconformist that it actually made me ponder over her words long and hard.

For example, she narrates her experience during the Japanese occupation with fondness. She remembers the kindness of the Japanese soldiers and their amusement and tolerance with her small kid antics. It struck me then, that although it was a cruel 3 years in Malaya, there were people who actually had fond memories developed during that period. I must admit that I was one of those 'people' who did not live through those years but hated the Japanese of that period. Just for emphasis here, my hatred does not extend to the Japanese of the current century for everyone has skeletons in their closets and you do not hold on to things which has come and gone.

Her writings was certainly a test to my way of thinking and supposedly 'open-ness'. Shamefully, I realize that I have a long way to go to be as open as I wish I could be. I can't believe that I am pointing this out now Ugh! but it is true that wisdom comes with age. Adibah's ability to look at life with an almost child-like simplicity has definitely made me a fan of hers! So go grab her book today and read it for yourself!

Oh, how I came across her? My mum is doing her Master's in English hence the various reading materials. Last few months were all about African writers. Last 2 years were about English writers. Now, Malaysian writers are the focus. Just so you know, most of the English writers almost bored me to death. I literally fell asleep reading and I DO NOT fall asleep while reading. Guess there's a first for everything..

Ah! I can't continue with this post no more. Mae is texting me to help her with her assignment. Sadly I cannot multitask with one side of my brain functioning only. Neither can you smart ass. So stop smirking/laughing/cackling there.

Ica: *speaking in german*
Yours truly: *humming song*
Ica: *speaks louder in german while looking at yours truly*
Yours truly: *stares at her* What are you saying..?
Ica: Oh! Damnit.

Language barrier you say.. Attempt to brainwash me I say.

p/s: She was asking me for the dates of a camp she was going to attend.

MY CAR.

2009-06-18T23:02:00.000+08:00

MY DAD TRADED THE VIVA TO GET A SAGA. WITH POWER STEERING AND 1.3 CC.

WHAT THE EFF??!!

SPONGEBOB AND DAFFY WAS STILL ON MY VIVA.

Yours truly: Where's the Viva? *refraining self from saying my viva*
Pa: *chuckles* What Viva? It's a Proton.
Yours truly: *mumbles* Like I can't see that. Where's the Viva?
Pa: *chuckles harder* Where got? It's a Proton.

AND WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME HE WAS GOING TO TRADE IT IN??

Yours truly: Spongebob and Daffy was still on the car!
Pa: What?
Yours truly: The stickers were still on the car.
Pa: I couldn't take them off.
Yours truly: Yes, you can.
Pa: I tried. It wouldn't come out. Go buy a new one.

*HYPERVENTILATES*

I AM NOT TALKING. I REFUSE TO. I WILL NOT.

Picky. Pampered. Pathetic.

2009-06-16T20:19:00.000+08:00

I definitely have the right to be 3Ps! The best 2 weeks of my life in 2009 is over! OVER! *screams infidel and throws a tantrum*

*sobs pathetically* I was wishing that I didn't have form 6 to attend to. I wished that I could do more with the crazy group of people I hung out with. And I REALLY had the best 2 dreams of my life! So far.

I shall do a recap of my amazing weeks and if you can't handle it, I think I saw a little puppy hopping around behind you. There! There! It's getting away! And.. you're gone. Idiot.

Ahemz.

The 4-day Genting trip was quiet this time around. No Mag or Mae around to pollute the peaceful environment! Isaac was engrossed with his PS2 console which he dragged up to the Awana apartment [where we stayed] and ma was busy reading a book. That left Ica and me to our devices and yours truly spent so much time sleeping I thought it wasn't enough.

I finished the Korean series of iljimae and it made me sad. Almost depressed but not quite. How can the hero not have a proper ending? How can the heroines not have a happy ending? How dare the scriptwriter make the nice, sacrificing-all-the-time-for-an-ungrateful-girl-who-shouldn't-even-be-a-heroine end up teaching little brats martial arts? And with the whole using stick to beat people techniques too! I know I'm a sucker for happy endings. Bear with me or go chase your imaginary tail.

So this temporary couch potato did get some exercise. Swimming in the pool and throwing a sponge ball around. It was hard work all right?? Some smart person decided to make the ball sponge-like to absorb water and make the ball heavier each time you throw it without squeezing it first. Ica and my fingers were numb after 15 minutes.

On our 2nd day there, we went up to the theme park and I actually got on almost all the rides. I tried the go-kart and flying coaster for the first time! Don't you snigger at me. I wasn't up for waiting in lines for almost 30 minutes before. It was different this time because Ica made me queue up for games and I got off sitting the solero shot. Phew. Isaac had a blast looking at his crotch whenever a ride took a sudden dive. They had proof - on camera. *smirks*

There was a big group of Middle Eastern looking men in the park too and when they looked at Ica, they were staring at her so hard as if expecting her to pull out a hijab and cover herself up. If you don't know, Ica has a mixed parentage and looks more Middle Eastern than German. Hence, the intense staring. I'm not being racist!! Wipe that disgusting thought out of your head. It was funny at that time for the both of us..

Ica: *whispers* Hey, look. They're staring at me.
Yours truly: They're waiting for you to pull out your head scarf. Any minute now Ica..
*Ica and yours truly bursts out laughing*

After that, a little obligatory window shopping which knocked out Ica's notion that things are always cheap in Malaysia. Yeah. Right. Then we headed back to the apartment and planned for some damage the next day. But yours truly spent the whole day in bed! Which was fantastic! Because it lasted until 5pm and Ica dragged my arse out to the pool again. *yawn*

There was an "Oh shit!" moment in the pool when the ball landed near the edge of the pool and literally sprayed chlorine [and other unknown substance] water all over an old man sitting on a chair watching his grandkids play. He smiled and almost laughed because suddenly Ica, Isaac and I were the see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil monkeys. Priceless indeed.

So fastforwarding here, if you can keep up, we spent Saturday and Sunday at Klang and KL. 6th June 2009 was a night to remember and it was made great by all these great folks - Azril, Sue, Saral, Ica, Mae, Teng, Val, Jill, Mag, Kak Bard, and yours truly. There was of course the hottie - Farshad, the cool new-found people - Baizura, Yoghini, Hamid and the funny - Eddie. There were a few others from Azril's work place and though we did not meet, they made the night sweeter. There was also the trio who proved to Mae that there are people out there who don't give a rat's arse about physical attributes only.

Needless to say, the girls were all babes that night and the guys were all hunks. It was made even more memorable by dear Saral. I positively love you know babe and you rock! I shall never forget to invite you for any function as you made my night.

As for my beloved Mae, NOW WHO DARE SAYS SHE ISN'T HOT?? It was definitely the prettiest night of her entire life [as quoted by her] and the life-changing event too. Now do you believe me? I want a black coloured bridesmaid dress or I will NOT attend her wedding. Deal with it.

Jill was effing hot that night and guys were practically drooling just to dance with her. And that oh-so-chic! dress. White is definitely so her. And I mean it more than the dress. *winks* Val had an extreme make over [planned by Jill and yours truly from head to toe] and look who brought Cinderella out. That thick black wavy hair [thank you Azril], short dress, and killer boots [thank you Carol] accentuate this lady's sexy legs and it's too bad that nurses can't wear the nurse outfit/skirt anymore. I know which hospital would get regular come back patients.

Sadly, Sue wasn't so much on the dance floor as she was on some hottie's lips. But let's give her some privacy and lament about her! As usual, she was the odd, striking one out with that hot pink dress and great highlights. Azril was awesome as usual and I loved the outfit although his blue eyes almost went unnoticed. Unaccentuated. Enjoyed watching him camwhore though.

Teng was of course being picked up and flirted with a couple of guys. She has this random openness that'll scare any mama looking for a suitable, quiet wife for her beloved son. That was absolutely cute and enjoyable to watch as she gets caught with a guy for more than 15 minutes and she wants to shake him off but can't. Then Jill, as if on instinct, comes and saves the day! *claps* Happy ending for all. Except the him's.

Mag and Kak Bard were extremely generous and we are definitely looking forward to crashing your place again soon.

Mag: Eh, can you pick something that has very little alcohol in it?
*passes a liquor menu*
Yours truly: *looks at Mag* Er.. Yeah. *points at margarita to the waiter*

So come Tuesday, I went down to PJ to spend a night at Aunt Gab's place and sit in one of Mae's class. Unfortunately, I got caught in a jam. Unfortunately, I forgot we were talking about public transportation in KL. Unfortunately, I missed Mae's class and arrived 45 minutes before it ended but the class ended already! Bugger. I did have an enjoyable lunch at Vivo [the pasta is to die for! though the portion is small] and Mae and I did some bitch shopping - trying things on and deciding we don't want it. We had tea at Subway and God, I love Subway. Why aren't they opening a branch in Seremban?

At night, Aunt Gab brought us to Alexis to have dessert. I really thought I went to cake heaven. The pavlova was absolutely incredible and the tiramisu is THE BEST I've ever tasted in my entire life to date! It was also an out-of-this-world experience when the bill came for the 3 of us. The menu sounded fantastic and I would love to go back there with a special someone. *HINT HINT*

So the last Saturday came and I spent a night at 2nd Aunt's place in Kepong so that I could go for Merve's farewell/birthday party. It was awkward as I was the only one from AFS there besides William from France who's in the Kuantan chapter. He had his group of friends and I decided to find mine. I ended up with this girl who is weird as weird can be! She was sweet but weird. Seriously.. I'm not going to judge her but if I have the chance to chat with her again, I'll see if my first impression was right. Right now, I'll believe that it isn't.

Sunday was like a living flashback. 2nd Aunt's AOG church reminded me so much of my church [tone of possession not implied] in Chambersburg! When we were going through praise and worship, I started tearing and tried really hard not to cry. It was an effort but thank God [ironic..] I was ok. And maybe I should add, I didn't smear my mascara. I know. Another WTF moment for you. I got into the praising and singing with the awesome band of FCC AOG church. Youngsters who play like the likes of Hillsong and Muse combined. Amen brothers.

The ride back to Seremban on the KTM was tolerable but what effed it all up was the IMPATIENT, SELFISH, DIMWITTED passengers who wanted to board the KTM at the Seremban station. For the love of all things good on Earth, CAN'T YOU LET PASSENGERS GET OFF THE TRAIN FIRST??? Seriously. We're talking about a pack of supposedly civilized people trying to barge into the KTM like water trying to gush out of one small hole. EFFING RETARDED. Luckily I had something to drink and cool myself down before I started getting nasty with all the effed up people in the world. BLAH.

Despite that really messed up incident, I really really really have an issue with time. I didn't want that 2 weeks to end. It was awesome, fantastic, out of this world, amazing, etc.. You get the picture. Now it's back to books, exams, studying, and books. Did I mention studying? Nyargh!

Ah, Ugly Betty's on. Time to run. This episode promises a make over for Betty. Finally something interesting!

Note: Gossip Girl is addictive! I'm looking forward to Season 2.

You know you love me. XO XO.

Screws.

2009-06-02T01:28:00.000+08:00

I'm sure all of us at one point in time would have messed things up. The time to meet somebody, food preparation, relationships, and so on and so forth. Do you think about it at the end of the day? Ponder and replay the scene over and over again and try to figure out how you could have done it better?

I DON'T TAKE SCREW UPS! I MAKE THEM!

No. No. NO! It's not a good thing here to screw things up.

Next!

The Negeri Sembilan Chapter (AFS) is getting 4 new exchange students in July 2009! I can't wait to meet them - 2 girls and 2 boys. There's an American girl, a Belgian girl, a German boy and an Italian boy. Oh damn! Deja vu!! I was just talking to Jackie last month about hosting and she said that she'll definitely house a hot Italian guy. Woah..

Well, who wouldn't? *winks* AHEMZ. Nevertheless, I'm excited to meet ALL of them regardless of their nationality, gender or hotness.

Blah.. It's been crap lately. I can't do things right, I'm so sleepy by 11pm, and whatever that's on this post is typed with the utmost lack of sense and purpose.

I'll be driving up to Genting Highlands tomorrow! It'll be exciting. To some degree.. I guess.

I need to get some brown cotton pants - Aladdin style. I miss Disney cartoons. I never got to watch ALL of them. But oh no. Now that I'm 18 going on 19 I'm supposed to be watching movies that make sense like Freedom Fighters, Congo, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Of course I love those movies!! But I also want to watch The Ice Princess, The Rescuers and all them other cartoons that I missed out on while I was busy growing up.

Oh, I disliked superheroes' movies back then. I'm not sure why.. I wasn't into girly stuff so I'm not sure why the obsession with fictional hero characters in cartoon forms didn't kick in.. I definitely didn't like Superman. The whole underwear on the outside thing, I mean, come on! Didn't his mom taught him that the whole point of wearing an underwear is to wear it UNDER your garments? I know I'm not the first to jab at this fashion statement of S-man's. So you say I'm unoriginal. So I say eff off.

YARGH!! Maybe I'll figure out something more interesting to post up tomorrow. It'll be interesting. I suppose..

Oh what the heck. Since we're here [and some might probably say that I wanna broadcast this to the whole world cos I'm an attention whore eff you!!], I HATE rashes. Especially the sorts that you get at the back of your knees or above your elbows AND at your neck. This freaking rash of mine has been persistent for almost a month! I mean.. DOGGONEIT!

*yawns* Well, time to hit the sacks. Movie marathon for this week!

Ica: Wait, what is this?
Yours truly: Night at the Muse.. I dunno.
Isaac: Eh, it's like Terminator.
Yours truly: *frowns* I bought Night at the Museum. I think..
Ica: It's Terminator oh?
Yours truly: *checks tickets* Ermm.. Ye..ah. I bought the movie with the earliest time.
Isaac: Yay! Terminator!
Yours truly: *mumbles* Shit.

2 weeks notice.

2009-05-29T11:38:00.000+08:00

SELF DECLARATION OF HOLIDAY

After surreptitiously skipping school 2 days due to the end of mid-year examinations, I, Maryann Quek, hereby declare that effective from today, 29 May 2009, I shall be pursuing non-academic and some-think-it-waste-of-time activities. Due to the 2 weeks holiday that we [SCHOOL students] have, I shall be engaged in activities that will bring some relaxation to my brains and relieve me of stress.

To my people who shall have need to contact me, do so with caution. Any academically orientated problems shall be met with dire consequences such as screaming fits, ending calls, ignoring of text messages and so on and so forth for this 2 week period. Please be assured that this implies to chats on messenger and emails too.

Furthermore, any reference to the situation of STPM and the act of studying shall be an indication of insanity and will earn you, my beloved people, a trip to the gutters. The process of gutting, henceforth, shall be supervised by me. Any forms of appeal shall not be entertained except for the kindness of my heart, a gift in a form of a book and dinner at Tony Roma's.
Let us start this holiday with a joyous note from me, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

..I..

Nah! Enough of that crap. Man, it wasn't even easy to figure something out like that. Nevertheless, if you didn't catch my bunch of garble at the top..

DO NOT MESS UP MY HOLIDAYS WITH QUESTIONS ABOUT MY STUDIES OR STPM!

If that is still no clear..

SHUT UP IF YOU'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT STPM OR STUDIES TO ME!

If that ain't clear..

TAKE A HIKE! PLAY IN TRAFFIC! GO FLY KITES IN A THUNDERSTORM!

Phew! All in a day's work. So much planned for this holidays. YAY!! *squeals* Except for that one day of extra class on Friday.. hrmph. Blah. I'll survive.. hey hey!

Mae's coming back in a few more hours and we're going clothes hunting. Huhu.. but of course, Isaac has piano class. Meh.

Pasar malam last night was interesting. I was just browsing through purses [as my current purse makes my cards go flying across the floor] while Ica was looking at small bags to put her phone into with Anila giving her a hand. I saw these bargain of purses for RM15 and was just browsing while the shop keeper was trying to make me buy at least ONE of it when WHAM!! the shop keeper.. no, she didn't hit me. Well, the shop keeper passed me this wrapped up purse in paper. Seeing the limited choice I had on display, I thought, Why not? It's just one more. It won't kill me.

Boy, oh boy, was I surprised to find such a gem!! If I didn't take the purse from her.. I'd never know such beauty. Damn. Ok. Dramatizing too much already. Yucks.

It is the same type as Jill's but I got it for a discount of RM2 because it had this dent on the outside which is permanent and it was the last one! So, I grabbed it before I started having doubts. WOOOOOT!

It was weird hanging out with Anila because she's shorter than Ica. I don't see that many people shorter than Ica. It's funny how many of my friends that I hang out with are shorter than me. Is there something wrong with me..? Do I subconsciously pick out friends who have this physical description?

Blah. Tomorrow is a shopping trip down to Midvalley! But it's not as if I'm that crazy over shopping. *rolls eyes* Not much of shopping actually. Ma going for her hair appointment and Ica finding for some clothing items. Damn! I gotta drag Isaac along because Mae isn't joining us. *EXPLETIVES*

Ha ha. My day's getting better. Ah, it's time to fetch that small brat already from school. Tweedle dum tweedle dee. *hums*

DJ 1: You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.
DJ 2: I have an ugly joke. You're so ugly, when you got into an accident on the highway, nobody stopped and stare.
As heard on fly.fm's pagi show.

*Please note that they were not meaning to offend or discriminate anyone. They were discussing about the context of ugly physically, emotionally, personality-wise and psychologically. Don't kill me please..

Conformist.

2009-05-25T20:32:00.000+08:00

I feel guilty. I'm not sure if I should but I do! Just because I decided to switch my blog host site from friendster to blogspot. I should get over this. my poor baby.. almost 6 years with me.. *sobs* I WILL!!

Mid year examinations are almost complete. 2 more papers and I will be done! YES!!! *screams..*

School holidays are coming up and I can't help but think about 2010. So much has happened since coming back from Chambersburg in 2008. I miss those chocolate covered pretzels for one. I will NEVER EVER ask mum to send it to me so that I have an excuse to get back to Pennsylvania as soon as possible. speaking of lame. I can't believe I miss those little brats too! Tyler included. *smirks*

I can't update much. I had so much to post about lately but thanks to the exam papers, the only thing I can spew out here is formulaes and unwanted facts on business! Bugger..

Azril sent me a musician profile on Facebook and I say she's got talent. Jennifer J Chung is not my new-found idol but nevertheless, she's an artist one should keep a lookout for. Big in YouTube if you must know..

I've also decided to join the wagon of people posting up "Do you know me?" quizzes. Prompted by a mamak outing, I decided, what the heck, it wouldn't kill to make one up. That was until I actually sat in front of the computer and thought what the heck do I ask? Sure there were suggestions but you don't actually tell your friends about what you would do if it was your last day on earth, what you would do if you win the lottery [which in my case will NEVER happen because I find randomly choosing numbers a loss of good $5-$10 which could serve me better!] and you DEFINITELY do not discuss with friends about your perfect vacation with a total sex god [if you're lucky, what with the prayers of all mothers in the world for their child]. Hint much? Who wants to know your sordid details??!!

Mamak outings are very healthy outlets [in my opinion] for venting and most of all *drum rolls* B-I-T-C-H-I-N-G!! The an'nehs in the shop have learn marvelously well to avoid our table whenever they see these few faces - Saral, Azril, Sue, Danielle and Mae. I'm somewhere in that list too.

We have more important issues to talk about such as... er.. Well, important issues such as the likes of you shouldn't think about.

It was a good weekend for birthday babies Mae and Val! Mae had 2 cakes [schwein!] and Val had sexy outfits! Jill and I got up to no good again as usual and Mae got this big, fat ass bag. Speaking of this woman, we've been planning her future in the past few weeks and all I have to say is, JILL HENG, YOU BETTER WAIT 5 YEARS OR ELSE I AIN'T GONNA BE THE GODMA OF YOUR BABIES!!! Such a money oriented week. Man..

Talking about a good $5-$10, I'm dying to try out that new cat eye mascara from Maybelline! It's a pity only Arabian ladies have such gorgeous eyes. Look at my plain, brown, unattractive set.. Ok. My mother taught me to be grateful of what I have. *breathes deeply* Including this lump of jiggly stuff that is my body. Whatever man, I'm down with my size. If you can't handle curves, get an ironing board.

This Saturday calls for a shopping excursion! Come the first week of the school holidays it's let-my-hair-down crazy ass partying! Then, after the second week, it's back to back breaking studies. Well, I did sign up for form 6 so I'll deal with it.

Schedule on Wednesday,
7am - 2pm = School + last exam paper [WOOOT!!]
2.30pm - 8pm = SLEEP!
9pm = Work on shopping list.
10pm = Bug the shit out of Mae.

I have to decide whether to skip Thursday or not. Hmm.. Decisions, decisions. I'll go with the flow. Then it's time to get more moolah from daddy dearest. *bats eyelashes* Pretty please, can I get a credit card? I even said please! But if 2010 works out the way I plan, I'll pass on the credit card. I'll find myself a darling. But of course, I have to find Mae a darling too. Where do I start?

Oh, the book beckons. Breakfast before class tomorrow! More next time.

Doctor: So what's wrong?
Isaac: I've got fever and cough. I don't feel good.
Doctor: *Writes down something*
Isaac: I think my balls shrink already.

Doctor: So I'll give you and injection ok? It'll work much faster.
Isaac: *panics* How big is the needle??
He thought it was going into his mentioned before anatomy.